OVER-THINKING
The picture on the left is basically how I've been feeling the last few days or so, and yesterday was the first day in quite a long time where I've actually felt like I'm finally getting on top of things and doing something about it. I don't know if you're an over-thinker or not, but over the last couple of years I've really begun to notice the magnitude of my over-thinking capabilities. To put it simply, I'm a rather magnificently talented over-thinker. I could easily do it for England, and quite possibly the world. Ever since I was little I've been very inquisitive, always over-analysing things that happen to try to understand why, and often coming to the wrong conclusions. As I've gotten older, this tendency of mine has just grown with me, to the point where every morning this week I've woken up in a panic and proceeded to lie in bed, over-thinking every aspect of my life until I physically and mentally can't take it, and have to get up and just do something to distract my over-active mind. It's something I just can't help doing unless I consciously stop it. I seem to forever be making mountains out of practically non-existent molehills, and there's no way of sugar coating it, because it really does suck.
To give you an insight into what it's like in my mind, the over-thinking and worrying normally begins with my past, future and present, and how they all affect each other. Then within this there's worries about love, family, friends, social pressures, work, money, exams, uni life... the pressure I put on myself to live the perfect life, to be a certain type of person, to do the right things in the present so that I can have an ideal future, the over-thinking about the past I can't change, things I wish had been different... It's all these little things that keep building up on top of each other, and they're fuelled by fear, the little negative voice in my head, wrong assumptions, lack of self confidence, unnecessary panic. I seem to take everything in my life and over-think the crap out of it, and the worst thing is I've recently begun to notice how it's holding me back, and has held me back in the past, which I know really isn't a good thing. I panic so much about what people think of me, and who I am in comparison to other people, that I forget to embrace, celebrate and accept all that I am and all I am not. I panic about what I should be doing in certain situations, that I end up doing and saying nothing at all. I over-think my actions, or someone else's, and immediately jump to conclusions which normally involve me being hard on myself. I compare other people's lives to my own, and automatically analyse mine to understand why it's not like theirs. And I do all these things near enough all the time, and I honestly hate it, because I know it isn't doing me any good.
I don't know if it's just a consequence of the way my generation has grown up, with everyone trying to capture how perfect their lives, and then use social media to put it out there for the world to see and compare too. Or maybe it's just the way some of us are made; we're just naturally designed and pre-dispositioned to over-think things .Either way, yesterday morning I realised I just couldn't keep on like this, which is why I found myself googling 'how to stop over-thinking', because I honestly don't have a clue how to stop it on my own. There isn't a nice, easy on and off switch which you can press in order to silence your thoughts and cut the pulsing thought circuit, though boy do I wish there was. What I read wasn't majorly helpful, but the important thing was it firstly made me realise that I wasn't alone, and that I was right to be seeking help in some way, and secondly, it really got me thinking about my own over-thinking. So yesterday I decided it was time for me to take action, and this is what I did...
I began by learning a simple breathing technique which involves breathing in through your nose for two seconds, and then exhaling out for four seconds, and repeating the technique till you feel calm. I found it to be an incredibly useful tool for reigning in my thinking when it began to escalate, and helping me calm down. I also put on my headphones, closed my eyes and listened to the most calming, gentle music I could find on my i-Pod for ten minutes or so. Throughout the day I then made an effort to cancel out every negative thought and wrong assumption, by forcing myself to really try and see the situation for what it was, and counteracting them with positivity. I made myself participate (just like Perks of Being A Wallflower!) wherever I could, and just try to be a part of things. I tried to talk to as many people as possible, because I find just being around people and talking, laughing, joking with them often makes me feel better about everything. I was spontaneous too, making an effort to just say yes to things to keep myself busy, and it lead to a wonderfully fun and impromptu shopping trip, plus an exploration of China town, with some of my friends. I talked about some of the things bothering me, and I didn't let myself think of or worry about the past or the future, and the things that normally occupy my mind. I just tried to focus on enjoying the present, and you know what, it did me wonders, and is doing me wonders.
I'm going to try and keep this up for as long as possible, and try to slowly change my thought pattern, so that I focus more on appreciating my life and what I already have, as well as who I am as a person. I'm going to try and remember the positives and keep them close to me, I'm going to stop letting over-thinking and fear stop me from living my life to the full, and holding me back. I'm going to try and get better at silencing the part of my mind that's over-thinking, when I feel like it's getting out of control, and re-direct my attention to the present. I'm going to spend more time doing things that make me happy, and hopefully try some new things too, make some positive changes to my life.
I've realised that there's things I can do, and that it doesn't have to be this way, and I feel a lot more hopeful about the future now. And I hope that if you've read this, and can relate to what I've said, that this post helps you too in some way, and gives you some hope that things will be better. We'll get there, it just take some time.
