The Art of Design: Christoph Niemann

THE ART OF DESIGN: CHRISTOPH NIEMANN

So the other day something awesome happened. I decided to be adventurous on Netflix for once.

 I've already whizzed through Riverdale (highly recommend you give it a watch, I'm addicted after 1 day, it's cracking), and another really amazing thing I've happened across, is this: Abstract: The Art of Design... series. This 8 part Netflix original focuses on the broadbrush topic of design, honing in on key and contrasting designers who bring different approaches and outlooks to the topic. Each episode is dedicated to one designer, who essentially dictates the entire documentary and makes it into a unique, captivating and creative presentation of who they are, what they do, and why they do it.

The Christoph Niemann episode in particular was a real gem,  (hence my reason for writing this blog post).

A German illustrator, graphic designer and children's author, Christoph studied in Germany before moving to one of his favourite cities, New York, to build his career in the city of a thousand dreams. After receiving the success he deserved, including working for the coveted New Yorker, he moved back to the brilliant, quirky, eclectic Berlin where he now lives with his family.

To delve inside the mind of Christoph Niemann was a real treat because he approaches design in such a different way to me. He's so innovative, meticulous, self-aware, theoretical, and so resolutely invested in every single step of the design process. I loved learning about how he works and how he thinks. Christoph lives and breathes design, and to view the world through his creative lenses made me feel so inspired and re-energised.

What's more, all those beautiful cinematic shots that helped illustrate and construct an idea of Chrisoph's world reminded me of the magic, presence and intelligence of art and design. They are the pillars around which our every day lives revolve, adding such aesthetic beauty, functionality and structure. The world is an artistic mecca, a heady visual feast, a dazzling, seamless masterpiece. And I'd never really appreciated that till now.

As someone who loves art and design, I found it so interesting to get into the head of another creative, and understand what makes them tick. What inspires them. How do they approach creativity. Why do they do what they do and how do they do it? What does it mean to them. And most importantly: can I learn something from them? This series provides you with all this exploration and insight, and in such a creative, compelling way too.

And if you're someone who has a creative streak whirling and sparkling through your veins, I really do believe it's so important to expose yourself to the mind's of other creatives, because it helps you to dream bigger. Grow in creativity. Be open minded to other ways of expressing yourself and conducting yourself. See the world with fresh eyes. And the Abstract... series is the perfect way to do that. Or heck, if you're just looking to indulge in some really stunning, cinematic film making to give those neurotransmitters in your brain an almighty buzz, then get ya'self on Netflix and give Abstract: The Art of Design a go.

http://www.christophniemann.com/

My Life As A Courgette

MY LIFE AS A COURGETTE

What a name for a film, eh? As a self-proclaimed courgette fan (or the rather groovy zucchini, as referred to by our American pals), I must admit this film definitely caught my attention. I remember seeing the poster plastered on the walls of the London Underground a few months back, and wondering what the title actually meant. Was it about an experimental human with a raging desire to live life as a vegetable? Was it someone telling the life story of a courgette? I had no idea. But the quirkiness and the vivid colouring of the poster intrigued me. My gut instinct was that this was my kind of film. A bit quirky, alternative, indie, off the beaten track. And of course it was about courgettes, so what wasn't there to like?

The other day I finally found the time to watch the film, and it was such a gem of a film I just knew I needed to share it with you guys. 

A French-Swiss production, meaning the film is in French with English subtitles, My Life As A Courgette is a lovingly crafted stop-motion animation with the entire film comprising of scenes and characters which are handmade out of clay. The filmmakers have then physically manipulated each entity, one movement at a time, and taken thousands of snapshots, seamlessly sewing them together to create a glorious 60+ minutes of beautiful storytelling.

As a viewer, to be able to enjoy a film which is so intricately crafted by the filmmakers is such a treat. That very craftmanship and overwhelming dedication, in turn transgresses My Life As A Courgette into not just a film, but a piece of art in the truest sense. It's a real labour of love from director Claude Barres and his team. They've managed to create a portal to another world, so simple in design yet so beautiful, colourful, hopeful. I adored the escapism that this film, and animation in general, gives us. There's nothing else like it.

What's more, as if the film's visuals and aesthetics aren't already a 10 out of 10, the storyline itself is just brilliant. Looking at the poster above, you may be forgiven for thinking My Life As A Courgette is a mere child's film. Relatively superficial in nature and not really relevant to an adult audience with better things to do than humour a child who believes they're a courgette. However you would be wrong for numerous reasons my friend.

My Life As A Courgette focuses on a young french boy, Icare, who goes by the nickname Courgette. He lives alone with his mother, an alcoholic since Courgette's father walked out on them both. However, following an unfortunate accident that leaves Courgette's mother dead, Courgette falls into the hands of Raymond, a sincere and compassionate police officer. Upon hearing Courgette's story, Raymond takes him to the local orphanage, where he will subsequently be cared for.

Upon arriving at the orphanage, Courgette meets the fellow children, including ballsy leader Simon, whose drug-addicted parents never write to him; Jujube, whose mentally ill mum makes him eat toothpaste for breakfast; Beatrice, who's mum left her one day without explanation; Alice, who was sexually abused by her father, and Ahmed, who suffers from post traumatic stress disorder.

After a rocky start, Courgette begins to settle in with his peers, and following the sudden arrival of new girl Camille, due to similarly distressing circumstances, the seven children form a close and loving bond. Despite being united by misfortune, the solidarity and companionship of Courgette and his friends is such a moving sight to see, paving the way to happiness, love, friendship, loyalty, security and childhood freedom that neither child has ever known.

Although My Life As A Courgette has dark undertones, and sheds light on some serious and important topics, through the medium of stop-motion animation, the subject matter seems more striking and accessible. It's child-friendly, as is it resonant. The impact stays with you long after you stop watching the film. But more so than that, where My Life As A Courgette shines most is in its ability to convey such powerful messages of hope, strength and recovery. It's the cinematic embodiment of a glass half full, with some truly beautiful moments that exude such joy for characters and viewers alike.

Even though we only learn the fates of protagonists Courgette and Camille, My Life As A Courgette leaves you with a comforting notion that every child's life is going to be better from this point onwards. The darkness which initially defined each child has been replaced by so much light and warmth and wonder.

I thoroughly enjoyed My Life As A Courgette, and if you're after something a little quirky, aesthetically pleasing, emotionally substantial, and lovingly crafted, with added allure of Francais of course... Or heck, if you just love the idea of a kid being called Courgette, I would highly, highly recommend a watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nRwYWVxjRU

The Edge of Seventeen

THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN

At the weekend I was making some bread rolls in the kitchen, as you do, and I decided to put a film on, because kneading dough is both fun and also rather repetitive (boring). After some deliberation, I decided on The Edge of Seventeen, a film I had come across a couple of times before but written off as 'something that I can't watch at 20 years old because it's a film that Tasha from the ages of 13-19 would have watched, and I should be watching more grown up films like Revolutionary Road and Sophie's Choice'. But I realised I was being a bit judgemental, and I also knew that really, deep down, I still have such a big soft spot for those teenage, coming-of-age films. And I mean, I've only been 20 for nine months now, so technically I can still pretend I'm a teenager, right? After all, I still know the lyrics to every Jonas Brothers song off by heart and currently have a giant spot forming on my chin. So you know, some things don't change.

Now I'm not going to lie here, although I did give myself a 'you go girl' pass and allowed myself to watch this film, I naturally thought The Edge of Seventeen was going to be mediocre at best, even if it is named after the incredible Stevie Nicks song of the same name. I often feel like coming of age films, or more like those made in the last decade or so, seem to be quite cliche, predictable and superficial, and whilst they make an entertaining, feel good and lighthearted 90 minute watch, and of course the nostalgia is fab, these films often don't give you much in return for your time. Though if wanting to go back to being a 13 year old is considered something in return, when life was about being seen in the right places in town on Saturday, stressing over spots on your face, trying to keep up with the newest text lingo, sending songs via Bluetooth and talking about the boy you fancied, then I guess most coming-of-age film's achieve that pretty well. But whilst it can be nice to re-visit teenage me, sometimes I want a coming of age film to leave me feeling something more (eg. like how I felt the first time I watched The Breakfast Club, which was not a lot of words but an awful lot of feelings).

I'm very pleased to say my cynicism was proven wrong, and it was proven wrong within the first five minutes of the film, when seventeen year old protagonist Nadine (Hailee Steinfeld), marches into her History teacher Mr Bruner's (Woody Harrelson) empty class, just as he's about to tuck into his lunch, and demands he help her because she wants to kill herself. I actually had to stop kneading my dough because I was so engrossed. Now the reason I say that particular scene proved me wrong, is because as soon as it unfolded, I knew instantly that this was a film seeking to approach the coming-of-age genre from a different perspective. That scene alone was so honest, bold, relatable, emotive, comedic and captivating, and it set the tone for the rest of the film both perfectly and poignantly.

The overarching story that guides The Edge of Seventeen is Nadine's difficulty with navigating a particularly stressful, emotional and testing period of her life, when it seems like everything is going wrong. Her past has caught up with her, her present has become something alienating and unfamiliar, and her future seems like a blank, empty space. We see Nadine's fraught family relations, and pursuit of love, acceptance, friendship, and purpose, all of which are punctuated by a wealth of naive mistakes and ill-thought out actions, and underpinned by vulnerable emotional fragility. It makes for an intriguing and captivating story that feels so honest and truthful, and because Nadine's life is far from perfect, with the hands of fate dealing her and her family some devastating blows, we believe in her and her story so wholly because it feels so real. 

Whilst Nadine's immaturity, emotional volatility, warped logic and loss of identity sometimes make her into a character we dislike and lament, you still can't help but love, root and sympathise for her so wholeheartedly. Maybe it's because I am 20, and I have the benefit of hindsight, but I look at Nadine and it reminds of me when I was a teenager. In every action, word, thought, face expression, I see myself. I understand the awkwardness, the struggle, the unpredictable emotions, the difficulty with thinking straight and making sense of the world around you, feeling like the world is out to get you, the mistakes you make without even realising or meaning to, the loneliness, how sometimes you become a version of you that you don't really like. And it makes me both sympathise and empathise with Nadine. I want to reach out through the screen and tell her that I understand, that used to be me, and in a way, watching someone else go through their rite of passage helps me to feel more at peace with my own. It wasn't just me who used to start arguments at 7:30 in the morning because Dad didn't buy lettuce for me to put in my sandwich. 

Hailee Steinfeld plays the character of Nadine so brilliantly, almost as though she's translated a part of herself into Nadine, encompassing her so fully, and exuding real emotion and meaning into every action and word Nadine executes. Hailee so easily carries the weight of the film, as is she well supported by her fellow actors, including Woody Harrelson, Kyra Sedgwick, Haley Lu Richardson, Hayden Szeto and Blake Jenner. In particular, her rapport with Woody Harrelson is just dazzling to see, with the two continuously embroiled in an affectionate exchange of sarcasm, cynicism, empathy and companionship. It makes for a very endearing and moving watch. 

Although The Edge of Seventeen has its moments of predictability, it never quite falls into the traps and pitfalls, ever faithful to its aim of depicting that real, messy, disjointed, rollercoaster, maddening and wonderful version of life that we all know so very well. Carried by an excellent group of actors, it is a affecting and honest film that will make you laugh, cry, reminisce, feel, and wish you could have just even a tenth of Hailee Steinfeld's magnificent acting ability.

http://www.edgeof17.movie

Manchester By The Sea

MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

The other day I watched Manchester By The Sea, and I haven't been able to stop thinking of it since. The sign of a good film? Personally I think so. Isn't that what good films are meant to do? They almost become a part of you, and they challenge your thoughts, perspectives, feelings. They award you with a new insight, a new lens through which to see the world. And Manchester By The Sea does that so perfectly. I wanted to watch the film after seeing the trailer somewhere a while ago. I was intrigued by Casey Affleck, an actor whose films I'd never seen before. I was intrigued by the promise of emotion, feeling, and human fragility. I was intrigued by the aesthetic and the honesty. And as as you can probably guess, as I live in Manchester, I was also intrigued because of the title. So I thought, upon its release, that I'd give the film a go.

The film is set in the real town of Manchester by the Sea, in Massachusetts, USA. Shot in the winter time, the ensuing coldness is reflected in the blues of the water and dull sky, the boats bobbing in the choppy harbour, the huge mounds of snow, dustings of ice, the mediocrity of every day life, and the greys, blues, whites and browns of the architecture. It complements the tone of the film perfectly. We begin with a shot of a boat, soaring out onto the horizon, propelling itself elegantly against the roll of the waves. On the boat, are two men and a child, laughing easily and carefreely. It's a beautiful, simple moment, and one that comes to contrast starkly as the true tale of the film begins to emerge.

It's hard to review Manchester By The Sea without giving some insight into the story line, though I won't spoil anything for you. That being said, this isn't one of those films whose success is wholly dependent on the twists, turns and evolution of a story unfolding. You won't walk away from Manchester by the Sea feeling like the story line was what made it so good. Obviously it's important, with some elements being both critical and devastating in equal measure, but it merely acts as a catalyst for its characters to react against. And it is here in their reactions, that the true power, feeling, magnitude and brilliance of this film, and what makes it such a masterpiece, resides.

Expertly directed by Kenneth Lonergan, the film focuses primarily on Casey Affleck's Lee Chandler, a man in his late thirties who seems somewhat distanced and detached from the world. His voice is oddly monotone and tired, his eyes seem vacant, his attitude and actions suggest a man who doesn't seem phased by any ensuing repercussions. He lives his days and nights in a cyclical, mundane fashion that seem to lack any warmth. It's a peculiar existence to have, and you can't help but wonder what Lee's story is. What happened? Where did the once carefree and joyful Lee go? The confusion mounts when these shots are intermittently contrasted with shots of a carefree, happy, loving Lee. He has a wife who he adores, a happy home, three children, and he seems to revel in the imperfect beauty of family life. It seems like a parallel universe, and its difficult to understand the link between these two existences.

Whats more, we also flit backwards and forwards between scenes with Lee and his brother Joe. Between life, the hovering moroseness of impending death, and the eventual passing. Again, the link is initially unclear, with Joe's death being one of the first things we learn in the film (and don't worry, I'm not spoiling anything by saying that- it's part of the film's summary!). But ensuing flashbacks help us to piece the picture together, little by little. And it is from this point onwards, that the true story and message of Manchester By The Sea begins to unravel and reveal itself, when Lee learns that Joe has chosen him to be the guardian of Joe's teenage son Patrick. And in order to care for his nephew, who he cares for deeply, Lee must leave his life in Quincy, and return back to his home town, Manchester by the Sea.

A seemingly simple act, this decision is anything but for Lee, and learning the reasons why is the thread that binds the film, giving way to a wealth of complexity and hidden truth that we can only begin to imagine. I won't go into any more detail, but honestly words can't describe the depth of this film. The past, present and future are constantly colliding with one another, distinct points in time unable to completely detach from one another. The past can't be forgotten. The future is a void. The present is overwhelmed by the two. In an essence, Manchester by the Sea is all about human suffering, and the way we respond to the desperately sad, life-changing, devastating, heartbreaking things that happen to us, both individually and collectively, during our lives. Those things that often happen beyond our control. It perfectly captures and explores the grief, loss, weakness, heartbreak, and how we must try to comprehend, process and confront the overwhelming emotion we feel. The maddening disparities between life and death.

In Manchester by the Sea, we see how each character responds to and deals with those feelings in a multitude of ways, and as I mentioned previously, this right here, this raw, unrefined, true wealth of emotion, thought, action, expression, this is what makes this film so powerful, moving and gripping. Not the story line, but this: the fragility, resilience, vulnerability and beauty of the human spirit. Many of us don't like to watch sad films if we can help it. I know I certainly don't. The heaviness and empathy can be too much to bear. And often we don't want to think about those sad, negative, distressing and overwhelming feelings that reside somewhere within us. We don't want to summon them. We don't want to think about situations in which we might encounter them. We don't want to look that part of life's equilibrium in the face. Our hearts are too fragile to cope.

It's easier to turn a blind eye. Easier to pretend that these things don't happen. That these feelings don't exist. That those cruel, seemingly random twists of life are a trick of the movies. They couldn't possibly happen to us. Happy endings can always be found. A flick of a magic wand can make everything okay again. We can go back to better times. The weights in our minds and hearts can always be dropped. The gaping holes can always be filled. The broken pieces can always be stuck back together.

It's blissful ignorance. It's fear. It's naivety. It's console. It's solace. And the very thing I admire most about Manchester By The Sea, is how it makes you feel, think about and confront those feelings. How it is so brutally honest about life's misgivings, misfortunes, mistakes, and how difficult they are to overcome. How healing can take a lifetime. How memories can stay with you for a lifetime. How imperfect we are. How fragile we are. I have always thought that human fragility, weakness, imperfection, and our attempts to deal with these things, are all so devastatingly beautiful, as is that gorgeous, glorious, tender human spirit. It is something I greatly admire, perhaps for the way it truly makes me feel human.

As you've probably gaged by now, Manchester By The Sea isn't a light film, and it may be one of those films you can only bring yourself to watch once. But I would strongly, truly urge you to watch it, even just that once. Don't be put off by the idea of suffering. Watch this film, and let it tell you its story, feel the characters emotions, follow the trails of though it provokes in your mind. I think it's so important, every now and then, to watch a film that connects you to the heart of what it is to be a human. And Manchester By The Sea, is one of those films.

http://manchesterbytheseathemovie.com/

The Way He Looks

THE WAY HE LOOKS

Yesterday evening I was searching through Netflix, trying to find a film to watch. Lately I seem to have acquired the habit of watching a film every night, as a reward for attempting to revise. It's a method that so far seems to be working. The other night I watched both parts of Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows back to back, and the night before last it was An Education. However last night I was more in the mood for Calendar Girls, because I just adore Helen Mirren in it, but like 99% of the films that exist in the world, it wasn't on Netflix. And so I decided to try something else instead. I didn't really know what I was looking for, and I mean, where do you go from Calendar Girls, right? 

After a little bit of searching, I stumbled across a film called The Way He Looks. I remembered passing it a few times previously, and feeling a mild curiosity to watch it, but never enough to fully commit and press that play button. Yet for some reason, last night I felt a strong inclination to watch it. The only information I knew prior to watching the film, was that it was about a blind boy who yearns for adventure. The word adventure was all I really needed. And as always seems to be the case, I was so very glad that I took a chance on this film.

Most of my favourite films happen to be indie films. Those ones that fall a little off the beaten track, and seem to exist without any of us actually realising. They don't make a fuss. They don't sing their praises. Instead they quietly go about bringing a piece of magic and brilliance into the world. I think I love indie films so much, for that very reason. And also for the way they honestly capture those every day moments and seemingly mundane events, that happen to everyday people like you or me, and make them seem extraordinary somehow. They show life as it really is, in all its glory and heartache, and they celebrate the hidden wonder and beauty of everyday life.

The Way He Looks is one of these films. It really is such a gem. A modest 96 minutes, Daniel Ribeiro's 2014 masterpiece is set in Sao Paulo, Brazil, with its tale told in Portuguese with English subtitles. I rarely watch foreign films, yet this film has made me wish I'd done so sooner, for how many achingly fantastic films have I been missing all this time? The story focuses on blind teenager Leo, who is beginning to yearn for independence and the chance to explore, be free, and experience new things. That age-old quest of youth, which I'm sure you're just as familiar with as I am. However in Leo's case, his visual impairment renders him dependent on those around him, and makes him a target for bullying, as does it threaten to limit him, and what he can achieve. The constant protection is suffocating for a young man who simply yearns for freedom, whilst his self-esteem is vulnerable to the daily trials and tribulations he has to endure. With people fuelling the notion that he can't achieve his dreams, get away, be independent, treated as an equal, or loved, it isn't surprising when one day, Leo decides to take matters into his own hands.

Leo initially sets the ball rolling when he talks to his oldest and best friend Giovanna about going on an exchange trip to America. With Giovanna always a loyal ally, protector and supporter of Leo, she agrees to help him set his seemingly impossible dream into motion. What follows is Leo's pursuit to seek the future he hopes for, with things taking a turn for the better when new boy Gabriel walks into class one day. Leo and Gabriel soon form a close friendship, with Gabriel immediately recognising Leo as an equal, and seeing him for who he is, irrespective of his visual impairment. Their friendship steadily evolves into something more, and soon Leo, Gabriel, and Giovanna must find a way to work through the ensuing conflict and uncertainty that it brings.

Although The Way He Looks is anchored by a fairly simple plotline, and nothing particularly groundbreaking happens, I can't stress to you how beautifully and meaningfully it is done. Lead actor Ghilherme Lobo puts in a truly spectacular performance as Leo, and his supporting cast including Fabio Audi and Tess Amorim, are equally brilliant. Meanwhile the Sao Paolo back drop is an aesthetic joy, and those cinematic shots peppered throughout are breathtaking. This film is everything you could ever hope for, and you really do root for these characters, whilst the strong coming-of-age theme adds a certain poignancy and heartache, as well as a tentative and gorgeous hope. Leo is such a strong character, both in emotion and personality, and he is surrounded by so much love and care, even if he can't physically see it. And his passion to change his life and break through the obstacles placed in his way, is inspiring and moving in equal measure.

Additionally, it's interesting to see how the friendships between Leo, Giovanna and Gabriel evolve against one another, as well as how strong they become as the film progresses. It's a reminder of how powerful. magical and unbreakable true friendship is. However my favourite thing has to be Leo and Gabriel's relationship. It is developed so very beautifully, and is a love story in the truest sense. A testament to the healing powers of love. How it can free, strengthen and help you grow into a better version of yourself. How it can make anything seem possible. How it doesn't matter what form it comes in, or how you find it. How it can change your whole life in an instant. If ever there was an ode to advocate same-sex relationships, and why we should try our hardest to create a society that accepts these relationships and treats them as equal, this film, and this love, is it. 

The Way He Looks isn't going to dramatically change your life, but it is a film to make you think. It's a film to make you smile. It's an interesting insight into another culture and country. It's a reminder not to let yourself be defined by the things that may otherwise hold you back. It's a film to remind you of the power and joy of friendship and love. It's a film to inspire you. And most importantly, it's a film to give you hope. And what more could we ever want, than that?

http://www.thewayhelooks.com/about

Bridget Jones, You Queen

BRIDGET JONES, YOU QUEEN

I was debating whether or not to write this post, because all I could think to write was: this film is amazing. Go watch it now!!!!!!! Which would scarcely be a sentence, let alone enough to fill an entire post. So initially I did a Mean Girls-esque word vomit over Twitter and conveyed my emotions in 140 capitals instead. But it still wasn't enough. I know capital letters and sparkling love heart emojis can be quite persuasive sometimes, but is it guaranteed to make people hop off their seats, drive down to their local cinema and pay £6 upwards to watch the film you've just been splurging about all over social media? So to be on the safe side, I wanted to dedicate an entire blog post to splurging about this bloody incredible film, Bridget Jones's Baby, because aside from wanting to physically drag you to the cinema to watch it, Bridget is also my homegal 4 eva n always. So in many respects I feel like I owe it to her in some way, because there's no doubt that Bridget's very existence (yes I know she is fictional) has made me feel a lot better about making a right tit of myself over the last few years, as I'm sure she's done for countless other women too.

So what is the film about? Well the general premise is that 43 year old Bridget gets pregnant (waaay) and she's doesn't know who the father is (not so waaaay). A very Bridget Jones-esque scenario if ever there was one. Bridget (the absolutely superb Renee Zellweger) initially gets into her tricky predicament after getting dragged to a musical festival by her new friend Miranda, played by the quite frankly amazing Sarah Solemani. Unsurprisingly, Bridget doesn't dress very appropriately for the festival, and ends up falling head over heels in the mud. Also unsurprisingly, she falls right in front of gorgeous American millionaire Jack Qwant (Patrick Dempsey). After hoisting Bridget out of the mud, Jack and Bridget subsequently spend a romantic night together in a teepee, whilst Miranda is busy zorbing across the festival site with Ed Sheeran. All very well and good, until numerous awkward encounters with old flame Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) also lead to Bridget and Mark spending the night together too. With both flings being scarcely a week apart, and both featuring some biodegradable decade old condoms, it's not much of a surprise that Bridget gets pregnant, and that she isn't too sure who the father of her child is either. 

Now despite being a big Bridget Jones fan (I'm one of those people who's secretly well chuffed that ITV2 don't seem to broadcast anything else except the first two films back to back), I will admit that I thought Bridget Jones's Baby would be, well, shite. It had been 12 years since the last one. I thought that the whole concept of Bridget being pregnant was a bit of an iffy plotline. I was worried that it wouldn't even be a 1/5 as good as the first two films, and that it would ruin everything that made Bridget Jones so brilliant and iconic and timeless in the first place. I was worried they'd follow the plot of the third book, where Mr Darcy is no more. And most importantly of all, Daniel Cleaver, god forbid, wasn't going to be in the film. So it's safe to say my expectations were not that high. Bridget Jones is such an important icon for women of all ages. A fantastic, hilarious and endearing reminder that it's okay not to have everything together, and to also make a right tit of yourself in the process. And I know I personally didn't want that to be lost, especially because it's a well known fact that sequels never really live up to the original film, nor do they quite do it justice. Often a lot of the things that made the original so successful, get lost in the process. And whilst I could handle that with Pitch Perfect 2, I don't think I could bear it if the same happened to Bridget Jones.

So obviously you can imagine my immense pleasure when I found out that this was not the case. Last night, the film's opening night, my Mum and I went to the cinema to watch it. As you'd probably expect, the ratio of men to women was about 9:1, and the screening was packed. I always think the cinema-going experience is a million times better with a full house. And as soon as the first few minutes of the film began, the cries and cackles of laughter were already reverberating loudly and happily across the room. And that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the film. Bridget Jones's Baby isn't one of those momentous cinematic legends, and it isn't going to change the world, but my god is it magnificent. If you want a film that is going to make you laugh from beginning to end, and make you very almost wet yourself numerous times, then this is the film for you. The plot line may not be too intricate, but it is a continual series of absolutely brilliant comedic moments that carry the film so effortlessly, and ultimately so movingly, from it's start right through to that long awaited ending. All the original cast members are back, including Jim Broadbent, Sally Phillips, Shirley Henderson, Celia Imrie, Gemma Jones and Erron Gordon, and there's a cracking performance from Emma Thompson too as Bridget's withering but kindly doctor. 

I adored the endless stream of effortless, classic British wit and humour. All that clever sarcasm, mild offensiveness, awkwardness, foolishness, boldness, craziness, and of course the abundance of swearing. And with her incredibly talented cast supporting her, Renee Zellweger dazzles yet again, putting in a real stellar performance that does absolute justice to her beloved Bridget. Meanwhile Helen Fielding's screenplay is so believable, honest and real. Although there are nods to the previous films and their memorable moments, Bridget Jones's Baby presents itself as a natural progression from where we last saw Bridget in The Edge of Reason. Watching this film, we believe that this is Bridget's life now. We believe that this is what she looks like now. We believe that she would have made these choices, met these people, done all these many things. All the best things about Bridget are retained, and it makes you realise that it was never the plot lines that drove these films to success, it was Bridget herself. Her awkward, beautiful, clumsy, kind-hearted, loveable, clever, foolish, well meaning self. And I'm so glad that they decided to make this final film, partly because I was only young when the first two films came out, and it's so nice to share in the magic and excitement of a new Bridget Jones film, but also because it rounds off the series so perfectly. 

Bridget Jones's Baby is a true testament and celebration of all the things that make Bridget Jones so great, and this film is an absolute delight to watch. Lighthearted. Moving. Hilarious. Clever. A truly magnificent film, and honestly one of the best I have seen in such a long time. So dear readers, what are you waiting for? Go grab your big pants, a glass of wine, get your Bridget Jones on and treat yourself to two hours of absolute cinematic brilliance.

http://www.bridgetjonesmovie.co.uk/

Before Sunrise

BEFORE SUNRISE

Watching the Before Sunrise film trilogy has been an ambition of mine for the last three years now. I only came about it by chance, after listening to the film reviews on Radio One. They were talking about a film called Before Midnight, and my peculiar disposition for poetic word strings meant I was naturally intrigued by the film as soon as I heard its title. I simply had to find out more about it. Even now, I still remember the presenter talking about the premise of the film, which in itself already had me hooked, and how Before Midnight was the final instalment of a preexisting film arc. She went on to briefly summarise the trilogy, comprising of Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight, and to me, it sounded like such a beautifully simple, endearing and intriguing concept. How each film plots the gradual evolution of two people, Jesse and Celine, across a lifespan. I knew instantly, that I would like this triology. I knew instantly, that it had the capacity to greatly impact my life. I knew instantly, that I needed to write down the name of these films because one day, when the time was right, I would finally sit down and discover the magic of them for myself.

I don't know why I decided to watch Before Sunrise now, after all this time and these many changes and transitions in my life. I can think of plenty of times over the last three years, when I could've looked at that note I scribbled down, and decided that that was the right time. I can think of so many times when I needed to watch this film trilogy. So many times that would've been perfect. I had good reason to. Deciding to begin this film trilogy now of all times, doesn't really make too much sense, because nothing of significance has happened in my life. There was no reason for me to watch this film, other than the simple fact that I wanted to. I think I just always assumed that I would watch this trilogy at a time of great significance in my life. A time where big, amazing, meaningful changes and events were happening. Something to equally match and mirror that expectancy. And in many ways, now doesn't feel like that time. Yet the more I think about it, the more I realise my subconscious must've been onto something. For although my life may not be full of tidal waves and seismic shocks, there is another kind of change going on. A subtle one. Kind of like when the sun rays gradually break through the clouds, and they get stronger and stronger and stronger. Something within me is starting to change, and it feels like it's for the better too. This feels like a turning point.

And I think that's why watching Before Sunrise now especially, has had such a special impact on me. The one I always knew it would. That's why watching it has felt so significant. So important. So moving. So inspiring. I won't forget the time I first watched this film. For those of you who don't know, 1995's Before Sunrise is the first film in the Before... trilogy, all of which were directed and written by Richard Linklater, the genius behind 2014's Boyhood. The story follows American Jesse, played by Ethan Hawke, and French Celine, played by Julie Delpy, who are both in their twenties. They happen to meet one day, June 16th, whilst travelling by train across Europe. Jesse is heading to Vienna, ready to catch a flight back home to America the next day. Celine is heading to Paris, after visiting her Grandma in Budapest. A chance decision on Celine's part leads to their meeting on the train, and as soon as they begin talking, it becomes evident that there is an immediate and rare connection between the two of them. They speak with such ease, openness, trust, vulnerability, confidence, assurance, beauty. It is as if they have always known each other.

Initially, Jesse and Celine are headed in different directions, and so their premature goodbye is imminent. That is until Jesse boldly asks Celine to get off the train with him in Vienna, and spend the next twenty four hours exploring the city with him. In many other scenarios, this impulsive, daring, courageous idea wouldn't bode well for a multitude of reasons, yet when it frames this evidently special and rare moment between two strangers, it suddenly seems like the most logical and perfect idea in the world. And so the rest of the film is spent following in the steps of Jesse and Celine, as they explore the city of Vienna together in the space of just twenty four hours, interacting with its culture, people, places. and embedding their fleeting presence within it. Leaving markers of their blooming, beautifully unique relationship within fragments of the city. The notion of we were here. And it's strange because in terms of plot lines, this film doesn't have too many. That isn't what drives this film. I could tell you the entire plot and you would still be none the wiser about this incredible film. If anything, you might be more reluctant to watch it.

The magic of this film, lies in its dialogue, and how it connects these two strangers together in mind, heart, and soul. The majority of Before Sunrise comprises of this endless stream of conversation between Jesse and Celine, and that is the very thing that makes this film so endearing and significant. To have an entire film expertly and faultlessly carried, merely by the continuous dialogue, is really quite something, and it also attests to the importance and realism of this dialogue. Much of it was written by Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy themselves, and it is so humane, so real, so rich. In Before Sunrise, we see the humble art of conversation take centre stage. It is placed at the very core, and hence it becomes a gravitational point around which the worlds of Jesse and Celine revolve. And from this vantage, we see the premise of conversation from so many different perspectives. We see the way it binds. The way we sometimes falter and stumble over our words. The things we say and the things we don't. The way it paints a picture of who we are as people. The power it affords us to reach out to another mind, another, soul, another body, and make a connection. The way it helps our soul to find those that are like-minded. The way it can transport us from the past to the present to the future. The way we can talk about the concrete. The way we can talk about the abstract. The magnificence of dialogues and monologues, and how they have the power to completely change your life. The immense joy and simple pleasure we take away from the acts of self expression and listening.

In this modern age, technology gives us many an excuse to disengage from human interaction. Our words can become cold and lifeless and misunderstood, misused, when transported via the means of a computer or a mobile phone. Technology, amazing as it is, just cannot replace the magic, depth, warmth, power and beauty of conversation in all its glory. Watching Before Sunrise makes me yearn for conversation. It has made me appreciate it perhaps more than I have ever done in my life. It makes me hopeful that one day I too will meet somebody with whom I connect with so instantaneously, and with whom I can share that endless joy as we talk about everything and anything. Where talking is fuelled with that gorgeous energy and urgency to share every last waking thought that sparkles gallantly across your mind. Someone who I can talk to and listen to infinitely. I don't think anything ever makes me feel quite as content as a really good conversation does. It's almost as if this whole other realm of existence and possibility opens up, something that I feel Before Sunrise captures so well.

Another thing I loved about Before Sunrise, is how Jesse and Celine meet on a train, and the spontaneity that allows their relationship to grow. I read an interview with Richard Linklater, and it explained how it was important to him that Jesse and Celine meet whilst travelling, because travelling allows us to be more open to things outside of our usual realm. And I can't help but feel that that is so true. That transitory notion of travel, and the way both ourselves and our lives become suspended within these figments of motion, or worlds so different from our home. It almost seems to defy space and time and logic. Anything can happen. For fifteen minutes, an hour, a day, a week, a month, it feels like we're one step ahead of life instead of one step behind. It's the most perfect time for something meaningful to happen. And I don't know if Jesse and Celine's meeting is merely chance, or the weird and wonderful workings of fate, but irrespective of that, it makes me wonder who's path will cross mine as I journey throughout my life. I'm excited about who I will meet, and the places I will go, and I love this film for giving me that hope. I love this film for believing in the same magic of possibility that I do.

I love Celine for her wild unruly hair, strong feminist beliefs, aptitude for adventure, her intelligence, honesty and fiery sense of humour. I love Jesse for his thinly veiled romanticism, masked by cynicism, his boldness and courage, his shyness, his need to live so fully and his ability to follow his heart with complete faith and trust. I love the stunning backdrop of Vienna, and all the cinematic, lush, awe inspiring shots that remind you how the most simplest of things can be the most beautiful and meaningful. I love the celebration of youth, and the excitement it exudes. I love the celebration of friendships, relationships and connecting with somebody. I love the honesty of Jesse and Celine when it comes to expressing who they are, and how they feel, and where they want to go next. I love how this film makes you realise that a life can completely change in merely a minute, an hour, a day, for we have no idea who or what is waiting around the next corner. I love how this film perfectly captures the notions of spontaneity and impulsiveness, and the way they make life so exhilarating. I love the milkshake poem. I love the scene on the ferris wheel and in the sound booth at the record shop. I love the romantic simplicity of the ending, and how we're left with that hopeful wonder and anticipation: will they meet again at that time and that place? Will this be the start of the rest of their lives together? Will life return them to one another or will it get in the way, as it so often does? It reminded me of the novel One Day, which ends by going right back to the start, right back to that place in time where it all began. The premise of beginnings is so devastatingly beautiful.

Before Sunrise is one of those films that has the power to stay with you long after you've watched it. It's so faultless. So ingenious. So special. So hopeful. And the fact that there's two more films to follow, meaning we get to further follow the story of these affecting and brilliant characters, who we come to care for so deeply, is such a treat. In this trilogy. the already magnificent Richard Linklater has really created something so very unique and precious. What an extraordinary filmmaker. So clever at reflecting the simple magnificence embedded within everyday life. And at 20 years old, to find a film like this, well it just feels like it has the capacity to completely revolutionise my life. It opens my life right up into an open highway full of excitement, hope, possibility. It makes me realise how far I've already come, and not only where I want to go from here, but how I'm going to get there. There's still so much I want to see, do, experience, feel. Life is only just beginning, and I can't wait to find out what happens next. 

Making A Murderer

MAKING A MURDERER

If you know me at all, you'll know that generally I'm not one for politics. Whether wrongly or rightly, I normally try to stay out of things where I can, duck my head down and get on with my life. If I get too involved, or allow myself to think too much, I find that I get annoyed very, very quickly at those in the highest levels of power especially, and because I currently don't know where to outlet that frustration and anger, it just builds up and up and up. And I don't want to waste my chance at life feeling mad all the time about everything and everyone. I'm not going to let anyone take away my right to enjoy my life, this world, and be happy. I don't want to see the good and kindness and beautiful things in this world get lost along the way. Yet more and more so these days, I keep noticing the bad, as much as I don't want to. The corruption. The injustice. The inhumanity. The inequality. I could go on for days. Those true human values, the true meaning of life, freedom, love, peace, kindness, the things that make this world good, the way we should treat each other, use our time on this earth, all those things that should be defining us and shaping us are not. It gets lost so easily all the time, and I don't know about you, but I didn't sign up to live in a world like that. Where my fellow human beings have simply forgotten or overlooked that defining, important natural characteristic of our species: humanity. Where people don't know how to live alongide one another, be nice to one another, respect one another, be fair to one another. I'm not saying I myself am perfect because I'm not. I try my best to do right, be a good person, but there's a lot more that I could do too. We all could. Sometimes I really can't believe the world we actually live in. If you stop to examine the sheer perplexity of how we live our lives, the way we conduct ourselves, the way we hurt each other, hurt the planet, build up societies with highly questionable morales and ethics and practice that we scarcely take time to actually question. What is wrong with us? Why are we like this? How did we get like this? Will it ever change?

If you've been reading this blog for a while, or if you've just popped by now (in which case hello!), you might wonder why on earth I'm even writing a post like this. This is very unusual for me. It's a first. Normally it's art, incessant rambling about life and personal experience, food, photographs. But recently I kept finding that a lot of things about this world were really grinding my gear (*cough cough* NHS strikes, wars, refugees... the list goes on), and that all accumulated and came to an explosive head when I recently watched the Netflix sensation Making a Murderer. Everything I was just moaning about in the previous paragraph, none of it is more relevant and truer than when put in relation to this documentary. I've never watched something that's struck such a chord with me before. Never watched something that's pricked my conscience so strongly and deeply. Never watched something that's provoked me to react the way I have. If you haven't seen it yet, Making a Murderer has been blazing across social media and word of mouth like a wildfire in the outback. One of few documentaries to compel, stun and anger the world in such a manner, this ten part series chronicles over ten years the unfortunate series of events, at the hands of the American justice system, that have blighted the life of Steven Avery. (spoiler alert) Originally sentenced to 36 years in prison for a crime he didn't commit, in spite of consistent highly questionable police activity, it took 18 years for Steven's innocence to be proven by DNA testing in 2003. Finally released and rightfully given back his freedom, poised to win $36 million dollars for his wrongful imprisonment, Steven only managed to enjoy his freedom for two years before the awful murder and burning of local female photographer, Teresa Halbach, occured on the land where he and his family lived.

What happened after, and before Teresa's death, for that matter, is shown throughout the documentary, with every episode highlighting the multitude of questionable, unjust, unfair, unprofessional and corruptive actions, of the American legal justice system throughout the case, up to 2015. I would list them all but honestly we would be sitting here for quite some time. It flags up compelling questions regarding evidence validity, the practice, honesty and validity of the American justice system, investigation flaws, weaknesses in alibis, potential suspects who never got questioned. Things that were consistently brought up by Steven's defence but ultimately were overlooked. In 2007 Steven and his 16 year old nephew, Brendan Dassey, were eventually charged with Teresa's murder, amongst other questionable charges, and sentenced to life imprisonment, in spite of the serious issues, flaws and inconsistencies presented, some of which occurred years before the murder even happened. Their attempts to appeal and have a fair re-trail were consistently denied by judges who already had key, and highly suspicious roles in both Steven and Brendan's trials previously. To date, Steven has spent almost 30 of his 53 years in prison, 18 for a crime he didn't commit, and 9 for a crime he continually maintains and is trying to prove his innocence for. Meanwhile Brendan's life is currently mirroring his uncle's, having spent almost 10 years in prison for a crime he simply could not have committed, if only for the fact his DNA was not found anywhere, and his only chance at freedom will come in 2048.

I understand that having read this far, if you haven't yet watched Making A Murderer, you'll probably be scratching your head wondering just what the big deal is, having gotten the general jist of it but not the full magnitude. It's hard to fully translate and dilute it into words. To put it simply: I got too many feels. I can't stop thinking about the injustice and inhumanity of it all, the loss of human right to freedom and justice, the individuals who got off scot free. The cruel and harsh reality of the world we live in and the quite frankly scary corruption of the systems we put our trust in most. In my personal opinion, one person lost her life in an incredibly inhumane and horrific manner, yet her death was corruptly used to the advantage and agenda of others. Two innocent people have also in theory lost their chance at life, by being unjustly set-up and sentenced by the legal system for a crime they surely didn't commit. God knows how many people are walking around freely with a hidden guilty conscious and memories of what really happened. One murderer, maybe more, is still out there. But putting my own speculation aside, the main reason I wanted to write this post is to urge you to go onto Netflix, or borrow someone's account to do so, and watch the Making a Murderer documentary for yourself. Please, please, please go educate yourself, see it for yourself, judge it for yourself and consider your own opinion and what you make of it. It's so important, if anything to remind you how not to treat your fellow man, and to also encourage you to exercise your right to question, be cynical of authority. You might agree with me, you might disagree. Steven Avery may indeed be guilty, but even if that prevails as being the truth, he wasn't entitled to the fair, unbiased trial every charged citizen legally should have. And I, and millions of others worldwide, can't help but feel like this is an incredibly unjust wrong that needs to be righted. So often in this life you're made to feel inferior to authority, like you can't make a difference, that your voice and the voices of other people, don't really matter. But on a humane level, when you see what your fellow humans have suffered through at the hands of other humans, so many wrongs and on so many levels, that natural animal instinct within you is provoked, it cries out: this is not right, we have to do something. Granted the social outcry doesn't hold an awful lot of power, but it's already garnered the attention of the White House, lead to a 470,00+ petition, extensive mass media coverage, and helped Steven Avery acquire one of the best defence lawyers in the US, in the space of a month, and that's pretty incredible.

If you do decide to watch Making a Murderer, all ten episodes, that's only ten hours of your life you'll never get back, but for the victims and subjects of this monumental case however, Teresa Halbach, Steven Avery, Brendan Dassey, that's ten years of their life lost, and it increases with every passing day. It's not often that you come across cases that impact the general public so strongly, but this is one of them, not only for the injustice and unfairness of it all, but also for the way it makes you question the validity and honesty of those authoritative figures that govern our world. Watching this documentary makes it impossible to continue doing nothing. It plays on your mind. It gives you a new lens in which to see the world. It makes you question people and their motives, the way we treat one another, the way we conduct our lives and the systems we have in place. I've recently come to realise that knowledge and education equates to power. We often choose not to question and educate ourselves, for fear of what we'll find on the other side if we do, but if we take the time to start to explore, think things through, what we learn in the process becomes fuel that we can use, and that fuel, that power, is what lights that all important first spark of change.

Female Heroes

FEMALE HEROES

Throughout my teenage years, there have been particular female icons who've had a rather big influence on me, leaving an imprint upon both my life and the makings of who I am. Women I've come across that have inspired me in some way, struck a chord deep within me. Women I have strongly identified with, or who have made me feel like I belong in some kind of way, or who I aspire to be like. Who make me feel like somewhere across the world, is a person who is a leaving, breathing representation of something that is important to me, or on the converse, there was someone who once embodied something important to me. Finding people who you relate to in some way is quite a comforting notion, and I personally always find it makes me feel just that little bit more invincible than I did before. Just knowing that people like you, or people who embody something important to you, exist, is something I've always found does wonder for my inner happiness. Likewise it also inspires me to be myself, or strive to cultivate particular values or aspects within me, because other people are doing just that and absolutely killing it. Or it inspires me to be bolder, more adventurous, to dream without the limitations, to live the kind of life I want to lead and without restrictions. That kind of thing.

As I previously mentioned, there are particular female icons that provoke that special something within me. Icons that almost act like little markers upon my life, a stamp gathered along the way, a signpost appearing at certain avenues of my life to guide me as I proceed forwards, just like I suspect you have. People that resonate with you in some way, who make you want to fist pump the air when you hear their name, whose very existence is a reason for celebration, and probably always will do and be. Below I've collated an twelve point list of my own personal female heroes for you to peruse, along with a little explanation as to why they deserve hero status in my eyes, because I thought they deserved some recognition and gratitude. Us women are very skilled at bringing one another down. It's about time we celebrated the goodness and things we admire in one another instead, so with that, dear readers, it gives me immense pleasure to present to you my female heroes...

-All photographs are linked and accredited to their original source-

I JUST WANT TO PRAISE YOU...

001. TAVI GEVINSON

Tavi is the same age as me, and ever since I discovered her aged 13, when she attracted fame for dying her hair grey, I've always been somewhat dazzled and in awe of her. Until then I'd never really come across someone so proud to be who she was and so sure of herself too. Brave enough to push limits, make bold, proclaiming statements, go out there and take the world by storm. I'd never come across someone like Tavi, let alone someone my own age who was seemingly so different to anyone else I knew. Tavi was so unconventional, so individual, a go-getter, and within her I saw a lot of myself too. She made me realise that it's okay to do things a little differently, that there's another way to go about life that's just as amazing, if not better, that there were other people out there like me, that the world can be mine for the taking. In my younger teenage years, I always felt like I never fully identified with other girls my own age. I suspect it was because they were on that fast track to adulthood, whilst I was perfectly content enjoying my youth still, plus we had different values and ideas about what was important. But finding Tavi and her absolutely amazing Rookie empire was like finding exactly where I belonged. It was like breathing a sigh of pure relief and feeling complete and utter peace. For the first time ever I felt like I belonged, and I felt proud to be me, proud to be a girl, proud to be a teenager, and it was just incredible. Even now Tavi still inspires me, and still makes me feel like I'm not a lone, lost wildflower, but a wildflower rooted in a field of other wildflowers. Finding Tavi was one of the most important things to happen to me, and I don't even want to know who I would be now, had I not.

 

002. STEVIE NICKS

I've written (gushed) about how amazing Stevie is before, and once again I will proudly proclaim that to me, Stevie Nicks just is queen. In my eyes she is just incredible in every kind of way, and she's one of those people that I'm so happy is alive. Discovering Stevie for myself gave me such hope and relief. She's exactly the kind of woman that I aspire to be like. I call her a queen because I'm so flummoxed as to what other term could be as fitting. I love her creativity, her lyrical and musical expertise, the strength, power and prowess that she emits, her individuality and strong sense of self. I love how she's an avid supporter of girl power, demonstrating how we can be firecrackers blazing our paths upon the world, we can be a force to be reckoned with whilst simultaneously loving and supporting one another. I love how she's made her fair share of mistakes and can admit to every single one of them, likewise I admire how she's always picked herself up and made amends, fought back, never given up. I love her resilience, her wisdom, her insight, her artistry, her perspective on life, her honesty. Knowing that someone like Stevie is out there in the world right now, doing her thing, being the kind of person I want to be too, is a great comfort to me, and I hope that one day I will be just as kick ass as her. (And that one day I will meet her too #dreams, #punintended).

003. PATTI SMITH

I didn't know who Patti was till I randomly decided to read her hit book Just Kids one day, and my life seemingly changed forever. Another advocate of girl power, Patti is just a dream and I really do wish she was my best friend. I imagine I'd feel something beyond invincible, if she was. In Patti I see a lot of both myself in the present day, and a lot of who I want to be in the future. She's the perfect combination of the two, someone I resonate with so strongly, so discovering Patti was both a reassuring, inspiring relief, and also something of a guide as to what I can do to become even better. If I was to form a girl squad, Patti would be one of the key members. She's like the most fabulous force of nature. So strong yet so emotive and vulnerable, so creative, so inquisitive, so bold, so daring. The perfect contrast. I find her perception of the world so inspiring, she sees a beauty and honesty in it that I often see too, and I could sit and talk to her, or rather sit and have her talk to me, for an infinite number of hours. I just think she's fabulous, such a vivid inspiration.

004. TAYLOR SWIFT

Where do I even begin with Taylor? Aged 14 when I was looking to expand my musical horizons, and also secretly longing to find an artist that understood and could help me make sense of my hopeless teenage romanticism, I happened to hear Love Story on the radio. And with that, my world changed for the better, because through Love Story, I found Taylor Swift and her catalogue of beautiful music. To me, it was like finding the mouthpiece of my emotions. Taylor seemed to have felt every feeling I had felt, she seemed to perfectly understand and summarise the way I was feeling, in a way I just couldn't do for myself. Her musical style belonged to this exciting genre called Country, which till then I had never been exposed to, and she wrote so beautifully, accurately, honestly. Likewise Taylor herself was so positive, so kind hearted, so inspirational, a ray of sunshine and an anchor of hope within my life. Throughout my teenage years I would always, always turn to Taylor for guidance, reassurance and the musical equivalent of how I was feeling. It was almost like self-medicating with music, selecting the appropriate song depending on each crush or situation. I even decided to learn the guitar and tried to write my own songs too, just like Taylor. And as my relationship with love has progressed and matured, I still find that Taylor is the one artist I continually turn to and admire, and probably always will do.

005. BEYONCE

A female heroes list just wouldn't be right unless it had Beyonce on it. Beyonce is another queen in my life, just like Stevie Nicks, but even sassier and fierce, if that was even possible. I loved her when I was younger, with Crazy In Love naturally being an anthem of sorts. However throughout my teenage years, my fangirling went right through the roof. I've previously mentioned how I've always been resolutely single, and when I was a young, naive, awkward teenager, I used to feel so hung up about it. I always longed to feel empowered by my single status, not weighed down by it. Be that sassy independent woman who's happy on her own, not that sad, mopy, lonely girl hung up over boys. And with that, Beyonce became my inspiration. In my eyes, she was and still is the most perfect sassy, independent, empowered, fierce woman. The ultimate goal. And so I made it my aim to somehow leave awkward teenage me behind and embrace my inner Beyonce, wherever she may be hiding. Naturally becoming a sassy independent woman didn't happen till I actually reached adulthood and gained more experience and wisdom, but still, it happened. I became the person I always longed to be, and I still remember how glorious that realisation felt. Of course I still listen to Beyonce, whenever my sass levels dip, and recently I've really been into Destiny's Child too, so from now till forever more, all hail the sassy independent women, all hail indeed.

006. AUDREY HEPBURN

Audrey is someone who's magic and appeal I never really understood until I slowly began to discover her for myself, mostly through her quotes and photographs taken of her. I loved how wise and perceptive she seemed to be, and how she was such a natural beauty too. So graceful, so full of poise and elegance, so kind hearted, so caring. Her words inspired me to see the world differently, and her take on beauty inspired me to embrace who I am, and remember that beauty comes from within. However it was watching Audrey for the first time in 'A Roman Holiday'  when my adoration for her was truly cemented. Audrey was an absolute pinnacle, a glorious individual, someone so deserved of her. A true inspiration.

007. FRIDA KAHLO

I discovered Frida Kahlo though my A Level Art, and fell in love with her beautiful artwork and aesthetic. The colours, the flowers, the patterns, the infusion of Mexican culture, the hidden messages embedded within each painting. Her artistry has had a huge impact on my own artistry, and what inspires me as I draw. Likewise I greatly admire her courage, her bravery, her strength, her creativity, her legacy.

008. ADELE

I remember being utterly captivated by Adele when she sung 'Someone Like You' at the Brit Awards 2011. It rendered me speechless. Completely in awe. I've been lucky enough to see music live on many occasions, and yet it was watching Adele's live performance on TV that I first truly experienced that breathtaking awe and power of music. And ever since then I've remained somewhat in awe of Adele. I love the honesty and simplicity of her lyrics, as well as the emotion embedded within them. I love how she perfectly translates the ups and downs of life into musical form. I love her classic, elegant aesthetic, a nod to times gone by. I love the richness and power of her magnificent voice, which simply stuns people into silence as soon as she opens her mouth to sing. And on the converse, I love how down to earth Adele is. How she doesn't apologise for who she is, nor does she comply with the pressure to change who she is either. How as soon as the set finishes, a seemingly suppressed cackle is released, and a bubbly, buoyant, humble individual emerges with that trademark Cockney accent. How honest and real she is in interviews, almost as though she's an ordinary individual like you or me, not an insanely talented, worldwide superstar. It's like her stage presence is merely an intensified projection of who she really is. A persona seemingly cultivated by her music, almost like she feels the emotion and power so strongly within her,that it causes her to become someone else entirely. She's a modern day superstar, and I think she's bloody marvellous.

009. ALEXA CHUNG

Alexa is someone who I've always had a soft spot for, ever since way back in the day when one of my best friends used to point out the similarities between Alexa and myself. At the time I didn't really see it, and even now I still don't see how I could possibly compare to Alexa. She's just so cool and I most definitely am not. A lot of people diss Alexa but I've never understood why, and I feel like those who do diss her are definitely missing the point. I've always admired her unique, unapologetic, bold style, and the way she so effortlessly compiles the most perfect outfit combinations, with what I swear is a touch of magic. It always makes me want to be more creative and bolder with my own clothing choices. Likewise she's always been my hair inspiration, and I'd definitely be doing a Pinocchio if I said that I wasn't trying to channel Alexa when I gave myself a fringe this summer. Oh, and the fact that she dated my beloved Alex Turner from Arctic Monkeys is also another reason why I love Alexa- she has a fantastic taste in men.

010. LORDE

Lorde is another headstrong, sassy, fierce hero of mine. Again she's the same age as me, and seeing someone my own age be so sure of herself, who she is, her abilities, her talents, is something I find so inspiring. What she's managed to achieve is just incredible. And people try and bring her down yet she rises so valiantly above it and won't let anyone or anything compromise who she is and what she wants to do. Her aesthetic, her power, her aura is so damn fierce. Likewise her music is so kick ass and so unique. If Lorde has a girl squad at all, I definitely want to be a part of it. 

011. JENNIFER SAUNDERS

I thought that Jennifer was an absolute legend in Shrek 2, back in ye olde days, and similarly I thought she was a pure comedy gem on Ab Fab too. She's a constant comedy firecracker, fizzling with witty one liners, punchy jokes and she has a sense of humour that's dryer than the Sahara Desert. I love it. Jennifer is such a smart, fabulous, strong woman who knows how to hold her own, and does so with such magnificent prowess and confidence. A lot of people assume that women can't be funny, or aren't anywhere near as funny as men, yet Jennifer is a blazing example of how wrong that presumption is. And if all that wasn't enough, she beat cancer too, and fought it so courageously and valiantly. What a truly amazing woman.

012. BRIDGET JONES

I know Bridget is fictional, but oh my god you don't understand how much comfort I seek in Bridget Jones these days. The older I get, the more I seem to relate to Bridget and the more I seem to become her. Out of all these amazing female heroes I've listed, Bridget is my biggest female hero of all, because she gives me hope that people like me, big clumsy idiots that we are, will find a happy ending one day, and reminds me that I'm not alone. There are (hopefully) other people out there doing a big of a Bridget in their own lives too, or at least I bloody hope so!

Why I Love The Programme 'First Dates'

WHY I LOVE THE PROGRAMME 'FIRST DATES'

Do you watch the infamous Channel 4 programme First Dates? On Thursdays at 10pm? If you do, I hope you love it as much as I do, and if you don't, please go and watch it right now. It'll restore your faith in humanity. Trust me. I only discovered it very recently, ie. in the last month or so, and I don't even remember how either. I'd heard about it on Scott Mills' show on Radio One, but aside from that, no-one I knew really watched it or had spoken about it, so I kind of just remained oblivious to this amazing TV gold being broadcast yearly on TV without my knowing. Set in a fancy restaurant in London, near St Paul's Cathedral, every episode four or five people go on blind dates, having been  matched by TV producers according to certain criteria. The whole thing is filmed on camera, and supplemented by one to one interviews with each person throughout, where you get to find out more about them and their experiences with love. Its just the best thing ever. I love it. I adore it. Every time I finish watching an episode I'm fist pumping the air with happiness, I can't stop smiling. I feel like Tom in 500 Days of Summer when he's dancing down the street to the sound of You Make My Dreams Come True, by Hall and Oates. It restores my faith in love, people, life, fate, the works, And apparently it's on its fourth series now, which makes me wonder what I've been doing the last four years of my life, having only just discovered it now, because I'm not lying when I say this, First Dates has literally changed my life. Or make that is changing my life, because it's an ongoing thing, you see. This programme is exactly what I didn't realise I needed. It's part of the antidote to a problem I didn't realise I even had till now, and so with that, let me explain to you why.

Lovely readers of mine, I must confess to you something about myself: I have never ever been on a date before. Out of my entire nineteen years on this planet, me and a boy have never gone somewhere together, just the two of us, as part of a romantic engagement (thank you Google for the definition). And if we're going along with the whole, something you didn't know about me thing, I guess it isn't much of an added surprise if I were to tell you that I've also never had a boyfriend before, nor have I had sex. Being able to say all those things still at the age of nineteen, is something that my younger self never imagined, and honestly there are times when I really do feel like some strange anomaly. When I was growing up and progressing through my adolescence, I never really paid that much attention to what everyone else was doing. I was too content doing my own thing. As did I assume that I was generally acting on the same wavelength as everyone else my age. Surely we must all be doing the same kind of thing. But one day, it was like I just stopped and took a proper look around me, only to realise that I had seemingly strayed vastly off course from everybody else. My trajectory had propelled in a completely different direction to most people I knew. The path I had unknowingly chosen, was advancing further and further away, leading me to a very different territory. It felt like there was this fast track train to adulthood that no-one sent me a memo about, and everyone else had boarded it whilst I had missed the final boarding call because I was too busy in the train shop, deciding whether to buy Maltesers or a Mars bar.

With regards to the rather problematic subject of love, I feel like I've had to carve out my own path because that train I should've boarded, that path I should've taken, those milestones and tick boxes I should've completed by now, are long since gone. I'm so overdue, so atypical, so far behind everyone else that there was and is absolutely no point in me even trying to catch up. I'd be learning the rules to a game that's already been played. I missed all the self imposed deadlines, which in a way is kind of refreshing because due to my abnormal status, people normally just leave me to get on with my own thing and do things my own way. They seem to recognise that I've done things differently, that I've ended up on a different path to them, and leave me to it, and interestingly enough, much to my surprise, I've never actually suffered any peer pressure or goading either. Everyone I've ever admitted these things to, the whole not going on a date-having a boyfriend-having sex thing, has surprisingly been very accepting of it all. And so it appears to be that I'm the one who actually has the problem with it all, the fear of how my decisions, which I'm 100% proud of, don't get me wrong, might be received. Likewise, it would also appear that I'm the one who is holding myself back when it comes to love, as am I the one who is making things rather hard for myself.

I completely accept the fact that I am the one responsible for the predicament that I'm in now. I didn't want to cave in to peer pressure, or more like I was so distanced from what my peers was doing that there never could have been any peer pressure. I wasn't brave enough to act on any feelings I had. I had too strong a sense of what I needed or what I was looking for, and I couldn't give in to anything that I felt was less than that. I didn't love or trust anyone enough to take things further, likewise I never felt totally comfortable around most people either. I wasn't confident enough to take things further, and the one time I did try, it didn't even work out. I never seemed to meet the right people, or I always fell for the wrong ones. I was scared that if things did progress, I would make a right tit out of myself because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I didn't feel old enough for real, true love. I wasn't ready to take it seriously. Meeting new people scared me. Going on dates scared me. Having an actual boyfriend scared me. And anything beyond that didn't even bare thinking about, if I couldn't even handle the very first step of any potential relationship: going on a date.

I don't know why, but as much as I adore the notion of love, having a boyfriend, cute first dates and all that, and I really do want all of that for myself at some point, at the same time it all just proper freaks me out. Really gives me the heeby jeebies. I think that because I've waited so long, always found an excuse not to jump into the deep end, except for the one time when I was seemingly pushed in before I even had a chance to protest (and again I maintain that that was probably one of the most important things to ever happen to me), I've learnt to become afraid of it all. All those things, they're things that always happened to other people. Never to me. Those kind of things always belonged in the lives of other people. Never mine. For me it was always the stuff of dreams. Never my reality. I was the wallflower sitting and waiting, watching the world go by and dreaming wistfully whilst never actually doing anything to make those dreams come true. I didn't want to catch that train to adulthood that everyone else did, and I'm glad that I missed it because I just wasn't ready, but sometimes I do wish I'd thrown caution to the wind sooner and just got on with things already. It would certainly make it a lot easier for myself now. For now I am nineteen years old and my feelings scare the crap out of me. I hate the feeling of new beginnings or possibility, because it means I'm back to confronting those hidden fears all over again. The chance to confront them has come around again, and I often jeopardise things intentionally to avoid having to deal with that ongoing fear. I run away. I very rarely take a stab at dealing with things once and for all.

People asking me out on dates makes me want to run a mile. Everything about dates scares me. When guys message me, I have no idea what I'm doing and I often don't know how to deal with talking to someone consistently, when I'm so used to doing my own thing and not having to tell people about my life. I always ask people about them, because I love finding out about other people, but when the roles reverse I don't like them finding out about me. I close myself off. I love the idea of love, I meet people I actually want to go on a date with, I sometimes have days where I wish I had that other person in my life, but converting those dreams into reality is where I fall short every time. And though being single is something I equally adore, and I know, I know that it has been a crucial part of me finally coming into my own. It's helped me to become a person I not only love and am so happy with, but who I am also very proud of, the person I always wanted to be, but on the converse, it's been the perfect excuse to hide away from everything I'm too scared to confront. I'm so used to being that forever alone person, it's almost like a comfort blanket to me. It's what I identify with, it's my thing, being 60 years old and living with a bunch of cats and maybe a budgie or two for good measure. And as much as I realise that I love being single, I've also realised recently that it's limiting me. Really badly too. I keep myself stuck in that position because it's what I know best, it's what I'm comfortable with, and life is easier that way. I'm very, very independent. Maybe too independent now. So much so that I struggle with letting anyone else in. I don't know how to, nor would I know what to do, if ever I should let that happen. The thought of it all makes me feel so out of my depth. I hate it. I want to be someone who rides the waves of life freely and easily. I don't want this anymore.

Recently I've begun to realise that there's a massive disjoint between who I am now as a person, and my love life. If you were to join up all the dots that make me who I am now, all the different domains of my life, they'd be really high on that chart. I'm the best I've ever been. But when you get to love, that line would just plummet right down. It simply doesn't match with who I am anymore. With me being the way I am now, feeling the way I do, I shouldn't still be having these same old issues with love. The response I have to it doesn't correlate. It doesn't make sense. It's my weak spot, and I conceal it from myself and others very well. But like I said, I just don't want this anymore. I'm tired of it. Which is why discovering First Dates was something of an epiphany to me. It's like a first hand education in the operation and workings of love, and like the curious child who had a right tantrum, but then can't help themselves from peering between their hands, the door, the barrier they're hiding behind, I can't help but keep coming back for more. The curiosity bug has bitten well and truly. I discovered this programme by accident, a programme that essentially is an hour full of one of the very things that scares me most: dating, and initially I didn't want to watch it because I mean, come on, how awkward would that be, watching strangers going on a first date together. Nah mate, got better things to do with my time innit. But for some reason it hooked me from the very start. The intrigue I had was astounding. I wanted to know more. I wanted to find out what happened. I wanted to see what it was like. Maybe I should just stick around and watch till the end of the programme, just this once... and then what do you know, I'm completely hooked on the damn thing.

Yes there are awkward dates that happen, but you know what, it's actually kind of funny. It's a good story to tell at the end of the day. Plus you often get some nice experience out of it too. Then there are the dates that go so ridiculously well you're basking in the sofa in a daze of pure joy, because these two people have found each other somehow, and the credits after says they're still together. Cue another fist pump in the air moment. There are the dates where people are very resistant to one another, how could I have been paired with them, and yet as the date progresses, it becomes apparent that actually they're very well suited to one another. Each person is exactly what the other needs. Another fist pump occurs. This rich diversity of people come through the doors, different ages, genders, occupations, nationalities, heritages, beliefs, and I can't describe to you my relief when people my own age or slightly older have come onto the show, and their predicament has been exactly the same as mine. It's proof to myself that I am not alone. It is okay. If they can do it, then surely so can I. I love the interviews with all the people before and after the date. I love finding out all about them, their experiences with love, finding out their weaknesses. It makes you realise the value in every person. You realise how loveable people can be, when really, all that anyone wants most of all is to love and be loved.

I love seeing what happens when you bring different people together, I love watching how two people behave when they evidently like each other, likewise I love seeing how people handle it when they realise that it unfortunately isn't going to work. It makes me realise that whatever happens, it's okay, you can deal with it. Ask to be friends, or just thank them for a lovely evening, or if worse comes to worse climb out the bathroom window. It's never a waste getting to know another person, even if they aren't someone you want in your life on a permanent basis. I love how a date is essentially sitting down with someone and just getting to know them better. It's a very humane thing. I've realised that everything else on top of that can be put to one side, because irrespective of whatever else that person or you want from love, a relationship, to happen next, at that moment there and then, what you both want most of all is for the other person to like you for who you are. You want this to be something. Everything else can wait. Finding out who the person is within, how does this person react with you, what could they bring to your life, and then deciding if this is someone that you want to stay for a little while longer, that's what really matters. And even if it doesn't work out further down the line, it's a memory to add to the collection, and you've just got to pick yourself up proudly and try again.

Watching First Dates makes me want to get out there and meet people. Anyone. Everyone. Doesn't matter if it's someone I think might be right for me, or someone I never in a million years would've thought could be right. I want to talk to people, get to know them for who they are, I want to throw that damn caution to the wind and just ride along with the motion, wherever it may take me. Let fear be my fuel to rise onwards and upwards, instead of that dead weight holding me down. Let the unknown be a promising passage lined with silver and gold, not a black, grey, uninviting hole to an abyss. I want to let people get to know me. I think I could make someone else really happy. I want to learn from other people. I want to let people bring something to my life. I said literally yesterday, when I was off on another Independent Woman thing, that I just didn't have time for a boyfriend at the moment, but now I'm thinking that I can find that time for the right person. I want to stop moping around and being afraid, and just give things a go, because if you don't try then you'll never know, and you'll never really get anywhere either. First Dates has shown me that dating, meeting new people and getting to know them, love, relationships, the future, all these things aren't meant to make us feel afraid. They aren't meant to limit us. They're meant to grow us. They're some of the best gifts that life has to offer. And I guess that I need to stop being a chicken and just get out into the world, proudly present this dazzling new version of myself, like Beyonce whenever she steps out onto the stage to sing, and really start living. Heaven knows I'm long overdue it.

First Dates is on Channel 4 at 10pm on Thursdays.