Just Keep Going

JUST KEEP GOING

Recently I've been feeling a bit iffy. I've tried numerous times this last week to write the feeling out of my system, but I could never quite seem to put it into words. And every time I reached a somewhat happy and content conclusion, and felt fine and dandy about everything again, my mood would come plummeting down a few hours later. I guess it felt like every time I wrote, I was being dishonest. I couldn't say I was feeling okay about everything, when I really wasn't. And I couldn't give out advice, when I wasn't really taking it myself. When I write on here, I always want to write the truth, and if for whatever reason I feel like I'm not, I just can't seem to summon the will to press publish. I don't want to lie to you, dear readers, and I don't want to lie to myself.

Earlier this week, I was feeling a whole host of conflicting emotions, and instigating these battles in my own mind which I didn't know how to win. I felt really down about everything, even though in theory I had nothing to feel sad about, and it was like I had a ticking emotional time bomb within me just waiting for the perfect moment to explode. It was all the changes and the pressures and the worries and the confusion and the pessimism and the heightened emotions, and to be quite frank, I just felt awful. I was fine around other people, because socialising seems to spark my soul alight and make me feel so happy and fulfilled that it sometimes even surprises me. But whenever I was left on my own, it wasn't so great. It's like adding to the fire that you know has the potential to burn down everything, even though you desperately don't want to, and I guess I just felt like I was at a complete loss. Blinded to the light by my own negativity.

But then a couple of days ago, things seemed to start turning around. I went to this brilliant confidence workshop, and it made me start questioning my thought processes, and the underlying fears I have. Furthermore, it stimulated this motivating desire to finally make the positive changes that I so desperately need, as well as think of things I could do to contribute to that. The best thing though, was that I felt like I could actually do it all too. I felt empowered. Like the new found knowledge and understanding I had learnt was just the currency I needed to make that change happen, and I left feeling a million times better than I did before (and that's not just because of the free cookies I had too). I felt like I finally understood myself properly, and and why I am the way I am, and how I can be a better version of that. Weirdly enough, it also tied in with some efforts I had already begun making, in an attempt to help re-do my thought processes and the beliefs from which they stem. It sounds kind of peculiar, but it made me feel like I was on the right track, doing the right things, thinking the right kind of ideas, and like fate was giving me a supportive tap on the back, urging me forwards.

And then yesterday came, and yesterday felt like a turning point. All these small but positive things kept happening. Just little insignificant things that together had the power to tip me completely over into positivity. Little things that you become far more perceptive to, when you're in need of those pockets of encouragement to brighten the skies of your mind. All I kept thinking of was these lyrics from a Paramore song that goes "Things are looking up, oh finally", and I felt this calming reassurance that everything was going to be okay. Or at least for the foreseeable future. And that felt like enough. More than enough. Everything was falling back into place again, and I knew I was regaining control. Some of the wonderful little things were of my own doing, instigated by those words of wisdom that you should be the change you wish to see in the world. Because after all, it's your life, and you have the power to make it whatever you want it to be. Other wonderful little things were inspired by talking to others, and working some things out, reverberating ideas back and forth. And the remaining little wonderful things were completely beyond my control, and I like to think that fate had a hand somewhere along the way. Because as much as we champion doing things for ourselves, making things happen by ourselves, we all need a little helping hand every now again, and it often comes when we least expect it. You never know what little moment of happiness is waiting around the corner. And if that isn't the best incentive to keep going, I'm not really sure what is.

So as I finally feel like I'm back on top of things, I feel like I can write to you with honesty and integrity, and truthfully tell you that although my life may not be perfect, and it is thoroughly laced with imperfections, as am I, I'm happy. I feel a tentative but glowing optimism, and I'm very thankful. So as I sign off, I'd just like to leave you with some final little words of wisdom, in the hopes that they might help you if you've been feeling a similar way too.

Much love.

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001. It always seems impossible till its done.

002. Everything happens for a reason.

003. Que sera, sera.

004. Be nice to yourself. It's hard to be happy when someone's mean to you all the time.

005. Change is the essence of life.

006. Just keep going. Things will get better.

007. Having a rough day? Put your hand over your heart. Feel that beating? That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. Don't give up.

008. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

009. Happiness is not the absence of problems. It's the ability to deal with them.

010. Every day is a new beginning,  so take a deep breath and start again.