So 2016...

SO 2016...

It's that time of year again dear readers. The obligatory, overly-enthusiastic and way too detailed reflection of the year gone by. If you've read this blog for long enough, you'll know that these kinds of post are my speciality, for I am deeper than a Pizza Hut deep pan pizza, and I love to ponder and wonder and feel all the feels. And what better time to do all these things, than the end of another year? What better time is there, to pause and appreciate how far you've come? No other time feels quite as significant, poignant or appropriate to do such at thing. And whilst these years pass by increasingly faster, twelve months is still a rather long time, and it never ceases to amaze me how much things can change. It gives me great joy to marvel at how each of us becomes a slightly different person to who we were the year before. And sometimes we go forwards, sometimes we go backwards, but we never quite stay the same. Every new year is a chance to grow, live, learn, experience, explore, and I love how every year we write a new chapter in the novels of our lives. 

Everyone says that 2016 has been one of the shittest years we've had in quite some time. And in some ways, yes it has been a bit of a bummer. I still have trouble accepting that Alan Rickman is no longer with us, along with the gigantanormous list of other wonderful people who have sadly passed away this year. In that respect, 2016 has not been too great. And if you factor in Brexit and President Trump, and all the other iffy things that have happened, then I can understand why you'd be feeling a bit miffed. But the funny thing is, I still think this year has been a gem.

Of course life has not always been the bees knees. In this last year I've felt aching loneliness. I've felt lost and unsure. I've been overwhelmed with anxiety, fear and low self-esteem. I've wondered if I'm strong enough to handle this world. I've had a heads up about what's to come in the future, and I know that the road ahead won't be easy. I've forgotten to lock the toilet door multiple times, and had strangers walk in on me doing my business. I asked someone out for drinks whilst not entirely sober, got rejected, and had to deal with the aftermath of it. I accidentally used the men's toilet and convinced the men in there that they were in the wrong toilet, not me. I jumped over a puddle on my way to placement and the back of my skirt ripped, so I had to stitch it together with paper clips. I had my arm humped by a dog.

None of these things were ideal, and there were other not-so-great moments too. But all these things, I got through them. I'm getting through them. I tripped, I fell, and I got back up again. I made a right tit out of myself, as per usual, and it was fine. I accepted the iffy things that 2016 had in store for me, and I just kept on going. And it's because of that, that these events have not gone on to define my year. There's no doubt that they've all benefited me in some way, whether that be making me or others laugh, making sure I actually lock the toilet door, teaching me dignity, grace and how to open up, helping me to mature, toughening me up, changing my attitude, making me stronger and more appreciative. And for that I am very grateful. But 2016 was way, way more than that. And I feel like it had to be. After all, I did have my arm humped by a dog, as well as have someone walk in on me having a number 2.

So many wonderful, wonderful things happened this year, and as always seems to be the case, me in January and me in December are two different people. But this time round, I feel like I have ended up in an even better place than before, and I am so incredibly happy with my life and who I am. And this year alone I have been very lucky in what I've experienced. I watched The 1975, The Last Shadow Puppets, Bruce Springsteen, James Bay, Honne and the Halle Orchestra perform. I went on a roadtrip to the Bronte Museum. I went to see my oldest friend in Portsmouth for a truly magical weekend. I used my savings to visit Prague with my mum. I went to Rome. I stayed in the Forest of Dean. I volunteered at kids camp, and at a festival, and discovered the joys of camping, met some amazing people, and pushed myself out my comfort zone.

I helped celebrate my sister's first night out. I started playing Korfball matches and going on all their brilliant nights out. I started going to gigs and open mic nights with my friend. I went out for chicken to celebrate my 20th birthday. I volunteered at a stammering convention, with transgender people, at the Stroke Association, and helped organise parties for old people in the local community. I helped raised over £10,000 for Manchester Mind. I had a corker of a night out in Nottingham to celebrate my friend's birthday, and some spontaneous nights out in Derbados. I spent the night dancing to latino music. I took my family out for dinner and paid for all their meals. I got over 40,000 views on my blog. I passed second year of uni and my third year placement with a first. I had the best placement I could have asked for, and met some incredible people along the way.

I grew out my fringe and my hair. I had the best summer of my life. I've been having the best time living with my new housemates. I've made some lovely new friends. I've discovered the joys of red wine, gin and tonic, branflakes and biscuit spread. I bought the best puffy coat in the world. I continued discovering Manchester on my own, and spent time sitting at Castlefield Bowl and enjoying the peacefulness. I had my sister and her friends come stay, and we went to Liverpool, Cloud 23, and all around town. I had my oldest friend come stay. I worked the Christmas parties again, and met some really nice people and had banter with the chefs. I was given the best eyeshadow palette in the world. I cooked xmas dinner with my course friends, went to Costa with my old housemate, met up with my first year housemates for dinner nights.

I met up with old friends and reminisced about times gone by, and made plans for the future. I spent quality time with my family. I've been working on my drawing skills and updating my online store. I've read lots of good books and discovered lots of good music and baked lots of cake. I saw my sister off into her new life in London, and one of my oldest friends to her new life in Paris. I stayed with my sis at Christmas, and we had a magical weekend. I discovered Gilmore Girls. I went to bingo for the firs time. I had a whistlestop 24 hour visit to London and saw Kinky Boots. I now own a cactus, and the softest dressing gown you've ever felt in your entire existence. I went to Pangaea festival and walked home in the pouring rain. I finally got the hang of uni. I've been playing my guitar more, and I spontaneously bought a drum. I TURNED 20 and so far my twenties have been bloody amazing. I discovered new love, was the recipient of another heart's affections, and realised that I am always surrounded by so much love- I just wasn't looking in the right places.

My attitude has changed. The way I respond to things is changing. I feel more and more like a woman now, and I love watching the transformation occur. I've learnt from mistakes and made new ones to learn from. I feel so much stronger and self-assured. I've realised what's most important in life, and how I can make my time on this earth meaningful and magical and wonderful. I've done so many things I can be proud of, and I continually strive to be the person I always dreamed of. I love and I care and I listen. I make time for people, I make people laugh, and I'm trying to nail the perfect brownie recipe, and finally figure out how to make mash potato. I try to put good into the world, and I try to treat others as I would want to be treated. And sometimes I slip up. Sometimes I get too argumentative, too sensitive, too witty, too careless, and I get brought back down to earth all over again. And that's okay.

I thought last year was the making of me, but I now realise that 2016 is the year in which I finally found my place. This year has been one heck of a journey, and it's so gorgeous that I just want to hug it a million times over and say thank you for happening. Thank you for everything. Thank you for all the shitty, sad, mopey, lonely, embarrassing times. Thank you for all the wonderful, amazing, brilliant times. Thank you for making me better and stronger and wiser and more confident and mature and self-assured than I was last year. Thank you for helping me kick off my twenties in such an illuminating way. Thank you for helping me to find the balance between who I am, and who I want to be. Thank you for helping me to find myself, and what makes me happy. Thank you for making me believe in myself and my future, and to feel excited about the next chapter in my life. Thank you for helping me to really understand what love is. Thank you for looking after the people I love. And thank you for letting me see Bruce Springsteen live.

2016, you really have been quite alright, and 2017, here's to another year of trying to be less like Bridget Jones and more like Carrie Bradshaw. And let's hope that the dog humping, toilet intrusions and making important life choices whilst not entirely sober, is kept to a minimum.