Giving Voice // Speech & Language Therapy

GIVING VOICE // SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY

Considering how I've been blogging on and off for a number of years now, it actually amazes me how I haven't once thought to dedicate a post to the degree I am studying and future profession I am hoping to join. It was only the other day, after a lecture we had about the Giving Voice campaign (more on that in a mo!), when it occurred to me that it might actually be a good idea. And so voilà, long over due post, here we are. Let us crack on. So in case you didn't already know, I am currently in my second year of a Speech & Language Therapy degree at the University of Manchester. I decided to choose the degree after struggling to find my calling throughout GCSE and A Level. I wanted to be too many things. I had too many interests. I wanted to learn everything I possibly could. I wanted a challenge and to unlock my potential, alongside putting the best parts of my character and interests to good use. Too many things mattered to me, and I didn't know how to tie them all together, or if that was even possible to begin with. Turns out, after a lot of soul searching and a rollercoaster ride of discovery, that Speech & Language Therapy was the answer. I wouldn't have even discovered it in the first place, if it wasn't for my Ma's excessive Googling to help me narrow down my future career choices. Thanks Ma. I owe you one.

So what is Speech & Language Therapy? Well it won't come as much of a surprise if I told you that not a lot of people know. You may even be one of them. I certainly was before I became interested in this course. For most people, knowledge of the profession only stems from their own work in healthcare or education services, or personal experience, whether that be themselves, loved ones or friends receiving therapy. For a select few it might also be through some kind of media exposure. However if none of those criteria apply to you, chances are you probably won't have come across Speech & Language Therapy before. In some respects, I guess it's likely to be because you've never needed to, which is great, but on the converse, a surprisingly large amount of people worldwide access, or are waiting to access, Speech & Language Therapy services every day. A fairly new profession, as opposed to say medicine or psychology, Speech & Language Therapy is a very present and incredibly important feature in the healthcare setting, yet a bit like the dark horse or underdog, it often goes unnoticed and undervalued, considering the immense benefits it provides. Trying to label Speech & Language Therapy, or SLT, and put it into one defining box, is rather hard, as there's an awful lot more to it than most people think, even for us students who've signed up to study the course. It's like a rainbow with so many different shades and tones of colour, that contribute to form the overall arching structure. However to put it as simply as possible, SLT is all about the different elements that help us communicate with one another, whether that be our speech, our voice, our language, our body language, and how to put these things right, if for some reason they go wrong. And additionally to that, we also know all about how swallowing works, and how to help fix it if it goes wrong too. Pretty cool.

When training to be a Speech & Language Therapist, you have to learn a lot of information from a variety of different disciplines, including the anatomy and physiology of the head and neck, down to the lungs. How you physically produce your voice. How you shape your voice with your mouth, to make speech. All the different sounds a human can possibly make. How those sounds are used to make up a language. How language works. How it links to writing and spelling and reading. How language is used in different cultures, countries and social aspects. How hearing works. How you process speech and sounds that you hear. How you eat and drink. How all these things change and develop as you grow older. How they differ according to whether you're a boy or a girl. How you even learn speech and language in the first place. How the brain is the control centre that looks after the whole thing.  How important it is to be able to communicate.You then learn about how all these things can go wrong, why they go wrong, what happens when they go wrong, and what you can do to help make it better. And there's a lot of different ways that things can go wrong, whether it be from birth, in which case you've needed some kind of help with your speech, language or swallowing from the start. Or conversely, it's something you've acquired later on during your lifetime, in which case you've had typical speech, language, swallowing skills, but for some reason now they aren't working quite like they used to. 

Speech & Language therapists work with a huge variety of people, from all kinds of countries, nationalities and backgrounds. It can be newborns, primary school children, teenagers, young adults, right through to individuals well over 100 years of age. Anyone who has suspected difficulties with their speech, language or swallowing skills, is referred to a Speech & Language therapist for an assessment, which helps to pinpoint what the problem might be. If the Speech & Language Therapist thinks the individual meets the criteria for therapy, the individual is then offered a course of therapy which is designed to meet their personal needs. Reasons why individuals access SLT vary from person to person, with the predominant reason being a need or desire to improve communication or swallowing skills, which are currently negatively impacting the individual's life. The causes for these problems, can include stroke, Parkinson's, head & neck cancer, autism, cerebral palsy, dysphagia, stammering, voice problems, speech sound disorder, motor neurone disease, dyspraxia, deprivation, poverty, psychological factors, to name but a few. 

When you start to learn about speech, language, voice, swallowing, and how it all works, it's strange because you begin to realise just how much we take these things for granted, as well as how little most people know about these functions, that we all do countless times a day, every single day of our lives. Until something goes wrong, or until you take time to learn about it, it's just a given that you will open your mouth and you will talk, and you will say everything and anything that you want to. It's a given that you will hear everyone speaking around you or to you, as a baby, and gradually you will pick out the sounds of your language, then how to combine them into words, before turning your words into sentences. You will observe those around you, and begin to understand how you interact and communicate with another living thing.You will learn more words, and more ways to combine them, as well as how to put them onto paper and read them. You will learn all the amazing things you can do with your voice. You might even learn another language. And everyday your lungs will breathe in and out plenty of air, and when you breathe out, your voice, which is completely and utterly unique to you, will be produced. Your lips, your teeth, your tongue and so on, will all make the right movements at exactly the right time, so you can form your words. You unconsciously make the necessary movements to change your tone, your pitch, your rate of speech to better express your message and how you feel. You will know the perfect words in your language, to express how you feel, in as much or as little detail as you want. Your knowledge of your language will help you combine those words, so that your message is given as accurately as possible, and so a speaker of your language can understand you. You will automatically hear a sound and recognise it as your language. You will understand the words formed from those sounds, and what they mean. You will understand how their meaning changes slightly, when you combine those words with other words, and in that particular way. You will understand what it means when the speaker says them in that particular way, in that particular tone, at that particular volume, with those particular facial expressions, body language, gestures.

These magical tools called speech and language, are what the entire world revolves around, and the basis upon which it is built. The glue that holds everything together. The string that binds us all to one another. The building blocks of thought. The currency that holds more value and importance than money and material possessions. The easiest, most efficient, most effective, most natural, simplest way of interacting and communicating with the world and the people in it. The currency needed to live your life and keep progressing forwards, as well as understand the people and world around you. The clearest way of getting those thoughts, those needs, those opinions, out of your mind and into the world, thereby expressing yourself to those around you. The clearest way of making sure a feeling is known. The best way of transmitting information and knowledge from your mind to the minds of others. The most direct and telling way to understand another human being, and the thoughts going on inside their head. The code needed to understand and enjoy TV, film, books, lyrics, the news, letters. The key to understanding instructions, guidebooks, manuals, how things work, how to make them work, how to participate in society. The passport that gives you membership to even participate and be an active member of society, communities, family, friendship groups, teams. If you imagine a world where no-one can speak, or if they can speak, no-one is using the same sounds in the same way for the same things, it's pretty clear to see how the quality and enjoyment of life rapidly decreases, alongside how the relatively smooth operating of day to day life suddenly grinds to a halt. 

Speech and language are vital to our existence, perhaps not always in a life or death kind of way, but their value, importance, fulfilment, as well as the key role that they play, are absolutely necessary to not only enjoy life, but to also keep the mechanics of life running. There's a difference between existing and living, after all. Yet as I previously mentioned, speech and language are so often undervalued, undermined, under-appreciated, taken for granted. We use our speech and language skills so readily, so often, so constantly,that we end up completely forgetting just how amazing they are, just how important they are, just how crucial they are, just how dependent we are on them. We don't realise the extent to which we take them for granted, and the extent to which our lives revolve around and are somewhat dictated by them. We don't even stop to consider what it would be like if  didn't know those words, couldn't attach meaning to those words, didn't know how to convert thoughts to words, didn't know how to put words together, let alone in a way that another person would understand. What if we couldn't summon our voice, couldn't translate our words into sounds, couldn't make those sounds, didn't know how to put them together, couldn't get the words out fast enough, or the words just got stuck in our mouths. What if we didn't hear our own language out of all the other sounds in the world, or what if we did, but it sounded like an endless stream of sound with no meaning. We don't stop to think about what it would be like if we woke up one morning, and found that we couldn't speak, think, express ourselves, or understand, hear and make sense of the world. We don't think what would it would be like, if we only had some of those skills, or maybe never even had those skills to begin with. All these possibilities seem like just that, possibilities, in the sense that they could happen, sure, but there's also a fairly reasonable chance that they won't. 

It's easy to feel quietly and confidently convinced that these potential problems won't happen to you, or that it's not that big a deal.Yet the reality is that for so many people around the world, communication and swallowing problems are present in their lives every single day, and they could easily happen to any of us at any time, any place. The communication and swallowing systems aren't permanent, unbreakable, indestructible from birth through to death. Just like everything else in life, things can go wrong, things can be damaged, sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason at all. But the consequences that arise when the speech, language, swallowing systems go wrong, are, as you can imagine, rather big, and rather important. However because their value is so undervalued and overlooked, their importance falls to the bottom of the pile, even though the world as we know it, and mankind as we know it, would not be what it is without them. Granted, speech, language and swallowing aren't the crucial heartbeat that powers the body and keeps it alive, or the lungs that energise with oxygen, but they are the heartbeat of mankind, and the power source that keeps life moving. And that's pretty cool and rather important stuff there, as it is part of the reason why the Royal College of Speech & Language Therapists launched the Giving Voice campaign, back in 2010, which takes me back full circle.

Our communication and swallowing skills are crucial to our existence, and when all is going well, and working like it should, then that's all wonderful and hunky dory. However when they go wrong, they quickly become a very important problem, and very quickly create a negative impact on your life, to varying extents. So what do you do when that happens? How do you get back on track? Who do you turn to? This is where Speech & Language therapy comes in. Whenever there's a problem with the speech, language and swallowing systems, the world doesn't have to come to a halt and life doesn't have to be put on pause, because Speech & Language therapists are there to do a bit of a Bob the Builder, and help put things right and make them better. If any of the problems mentioned before, should ever happen to you, the great news is that there's an entire profession equipped with knowledge, tools, resources, evidence, skills and strategies, that's dedicated to supporting you and making a meaningful, positive, worthwhile difference to your life. There's people out there, myself included, who think speech, language and swallowing are so darn cool and interesting, that they want to train for three, four years, and do more training on top of that, to learn all about it. They then want to use what they've learnt to help you, if ever you should have problems with your communication or swallowing. And the best news is, there's some absolutely amazing people out there already doing this so incredibly well, and often without the almighty recognition they truly deserve. However potential cuts to funding, particularly in the present day, often put these crucial, essential and life changing services under threat. The importance of speech and language sadly gets overlooked, a lot of the time, and the amazing work of the Speech & Language profession becomes undervalued. Which is why Giving Voice is such an important campaign, because it aims to not only show the value and significance of all these things, but to also ensure that these brilliant communication and swallowing services are still there for those who need them most. It also helps ensure that the Speech & Language profession can continue to thrive and develop, in order to help change lives even more.

Now naturally me writing this rather long winded, general overview, isn't really going to make that much of a difference in the grand scheme of things, but I hope that if you made it this far, it's hopefully opened your eyes to the importance of speech and language in particular, and how it all works. I also hope it's taught you a bit more about the Speech & Language profession, and the great work being done right now, all across the world. All those lives being changed for the better! Amazing! And if I've managed to use my own voice, to make some kind of difference to your own awareness, knowledge or understanding, no matter how tiny, or inspired you take some kind of action, then that's absolutely wonderful.

If you want to find out more about the brilliant work done by Giving Voice, just take a look at the link below!

http://givingvoiceuk.org/

Cinematic Inspiration

CINEMATIC INSPIRATION

A couple of weeks ago I was watching a film, namely The Education, featuring the brilliant Carey Mulligan, and I couldn't help but get completely and utterly caught up in all the visuals, the storyline, the essence of the film, everything. Afterwards, it left with the most distinct feeling that one very magical thing had happened: I had been truly and irrevocably inspired. And not in that wham bam look a lightbulb just lit up way, or that see ya later mate, off to go take on the world way either. It was the kind of inspiring that seems to work its way into your veins and slowly but surely reach your soul, which it then delicately taps into and ceases to leave. You're left feeling like some tiny little part of you has been made that tiny little better. You feel like you're suddenly looking at the world through clear, bright eyes, with a fulfilling sense of hope and satisfaction. Things seem to feel more familiar, more relevant, more enchanting. I don't know. It's a peculiar feeling.

The more I thought about it, the more I started thinking about all the other films that have created that imprint on me, and made me feel that special kind of magic. The other films that I watched and identified with almost instantly, feeling almost relieved that fate had somehow brought this piece of creative goodness into my life. It's amazing the extent a film can impact you, and the way it can reshape the way you view the world, the way you think about things, the way you think about yourself. It's amazing how those ninety or so minute of moving imagery, dialogue, sound, interaction, sequential events, can end up meaning so much. Even if it's purely that it leaves you knowing what pair of shoes you want to buy from the shops tomorrow, makes you want to start listening to a certain band, cheers you up when you'd been previously been feeling down, makes you feel less alone. Whatever the impact, you rarely forget it. Likewise with my favourite films especially, what I love most about them, is the escapism that they afford me. My favourite films are curated by my personal tastes, interests, likes, loves, and I know for me personally I can spot the reoccurring theme that binds them together almost instantly.

For me, film is escapism. I select my film choice according to the places I want to go, the people I want to see, the words I want to hear, the story I want to be exposed to, the thoughts I want to provoke, the feelings I want to feel, the messages I need reminding of. Film is a gateway to inspiration, a reminder of my virtues and what's important to me, a giver of hope. It's a world for me to escape into and lose myself within, it's a confirmation, it's a better place, it's a celebration of life and all things good about it. Even now, just thinking about it, I'm somewhat amazed at how closely my favourite film choices reflect me as a person. I see myself in every single one. I also see stages of my life marked by some of these films too. I remember the way they changed me. It's lovely.

So to celebrate film, and the classy art of cinematic inspiration, I'd love to share with you some of my favourite film choices, aka my favourite forms of escapism, for you to peruse. And hopefully it might inspire you to take a chance and watch a few of them too.

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HMMMMMMMMM....

THE EDUCATION
A celebratory exploration of youth, set against the vibrant swinging sixties of London, artfully intertwined with the lazy, effortless beauty of Parisian chic. Think mod culture, pretty dresses, bouffant hair, slick suits, a rich dose of selfish indulgence, sweeping architectural landscapes and a hearty sense of adventure.

THE BREAKFAST CLUB
The perfect representation of 80's American culture. Mom jeans, baggy polo jumpers, battered trainers, social stereotypes, the discovery of sushi and old school classics serving as the soundtrack. Also a moving and incredibly important coming of age film that's a core cinematic watch. Full of laughter, emotion, love, friendship, a ton of thought provoking dialogues and the gorgeous Judd Nelson. A film that touches the heart and once watched, can never be forgotten.

A ROMAN HOLIDAY
This beautiful monochrome film depicts the serenity and enticing allure of 1950's Rome, filled with detailed European architecture, famous landmarks, motor scooters, gorgeous clothes, delicious food, the proud essence of Italy and a prevalent air of sophistication. What's more, the wonderful story line gracefully guides you on a whistle-stop tour, whilst paying homage to the sheer talent and beauty of its stars Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck.

LOST IN TRANSLATION
A peaceful, simple yet somewhat stirring film, that effortlessly twirls in and out of the electric hum and natural wonders of Japanese culture. Lots of magical, cinematic shots of Tokyo and neighbouring cities are expertly intertwined to serve as the backdrop to this touching film. Exploring the simple yet incredibly fulfilling beauty of friendship, Lost In Translation also shows how, when the joy of being with loved ones is combined with the energy of adventure and exploration, it can help us to find ourselves somewhere along the way.

500 DAYS OF SUMMER
A unique take on the stereotypical love story, told honestly, comically, beautifully and non linearly. Filled with the warmth of California, illustrated by the concrete jungle of inner city LA, guided by a perfectly attuned soundtrack, and beautified with stunningly cinematic segments of filming. Also raises a thought provoking nod to the notions of soulmates, fate and platonic love. A personal favourite.

NICK AND NORAH'S INFINITE PLAYLIST
An ode to those magical, exciting, promising, friendship filled nights of youth, where seemingly anything and everything is possible. When all the words in the universe lie on the tip of your tongue. When your heart is full with an endless supply of love. When your eyes are bright and glazed with hope. When the world is a kingdom waiting solely for you. This film is all those things in one, depicting a bizarre night time adventure in the heart of a twinkling New York City.

SUBMARINE
A film that unapologetically criss crosses back on forth, dancing on the parameters of curiosity and peculiarity. A nostalgic, witty, awe inducing, cinematic celebration of the pitfalls, struggles and glory of youth, combined with those fervent pursuits of finding yourself and figuring out the world's secrets. Also has the dreamiest soundtrack ever in the world ever.

ME, EARL & THE DYING GIRL
A incredibly moving story build around a highly sensitive topic, cleverly told with an endearing honesty, a mixture of interesting film formats, and punctuated with aesthetic shots of Pittsburgh city and suburbia. Takes the worst parts of life and reconstructs them in an innovative fashion, ultimately giving you a new perspective and realisation that nothing is as bad as it seems.Those core notions of love, friendship, family, laughter, meaningful conversation, the simple things in life, have the power to overcome and withstand anything.

CLUELESS
90's filled goodness. Everything good about the decade sublimely intertwined into one, with the cultural repercussions still very much evident in today's society. Funny, clever, fashionable, endearing, brimming with Californian spirit and sunshine, and an encouraging nod to girl power.

VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
A peculiar, gripping and intriguing film, that brilliantly depicts and makes use of the fiery and tranquil elements of Span and its culture. Also an interesting exploration of love and its crossover with one's sanity, wellbeing and discovery of self.

HER
A futuristic, utterly beautiful, very thought provoking film that ultimately highlights the core essence of humanity, and what it means to be human. Gripping visuals, superb acting, and an interesting, very relevant concept, in particular the questioning of the rise and increasing dominance of technology, alongside our dependence on it.

CINDERELLA
A dazzling, aesthetically rich, awe inducing re-telling of the classic Disney story, filled with colour, movement, magic, hope, love and possibility. A true guilty pleasure that perfectly and effortlessly glitters away from start to finish.

Daniel Casson Photography

DANIEL CASSON PHOTOGRAPHY

If you meet me for the first time, and you ask me where I'm from, I will reluctantly and apprehensively say Derby, before enquiring if you've ever heard of it before or know where it is. If you have, I probably won't believe you, as I ask you what you think of the city. If you haven't, I'll give you the usual it's near Nottingham, and it's home of the Bakewell tart and DCFC and Rolls Royce... and you get the idea. Then, regardless of whether you knew Derby before or not, I'm then very likely to say a lovingly crafted but extremely withering and demeaning comment about my home town. It's the just the way it is, when you love where you come from with your whole heart, yet simultaneously it is the confine from which you have always wanted to escape.

The reason I mention all this, is because this morning I was scrolling through Insta, as one does when one should be doing other more useful and meaningful things, when I saw this breathtaking picture. So I clicked on the little tag, and it lead me to Daniel Casson's IG account, and it made me feel a million percent guilty for being so depreciating about where I come from, because my god, Derby, and the county over which it reigns supreme, good old Derbyshire and it's mighty astounding natural beauty, The Peak District,... well it turns out, they aren't so bad after all. Daniel Casson is a Sheffield native who specialises in landscape and natural photography, in particular taking the best photos you will ever see ever of the Peak District. Daniel became a full time photographer following his Criminology & Psychology degree, after his love of taking and sharing photographs on IG quickly escalated due to his sheer, mind boggling photographic talent of expertly and artfully capturing natural subject matter. He's worked with so many top class clients including Land Rover, The Times, The Telegraph, has collaborated with Instragram and Tumblr on various projects, received numerous forms of recognition for his brilliant work, and he's deservingly amassed a rather large collection of followers in the process too.

In my opinion, he is the best landscape and nature photographer I have ever seen, with his work lovingly depicting those those lush rolling green Derbyshire Dales, the intricate rock formation, the dense forestry, the sweeping views of the underlying valleys, the winding roads for miles and miles, the luminous bodies of water, the views from the peaks looking up to the sky or down across the world, the mysterious licks of fog, the entwining of blue sky and ethereal clouds. All these beautiful, natural, peaceful formations and elements, all expertly created by mother nature's hand and carefully bestowed upon the heart of Derbyshire for people to travel from far and wide to enjoy.

I didn't want to include lots of  Daniel's photographs in this post firstly because of copyright, and secondly because I don't even know how I would even begin to choose which photographs to include. They're all so stunning, I could literally give up uni and just spend the rest of my life sitting and looking through Daniel's photographs for hours upon hours, and fist pumping the air that I'm from Derbyshire, where many of the photographs were taken. They really are that good. And what's more, it's not just Derbyshire that's captured so fantastically in photographic format. Daniel's portfolio also extends to lots of other gorgeous locations in England, Wales and Scotland too. So for a comprehensive overview and snapshot of just how stunning the UK, and a reason to make you feel damn lucky to be living in this fine nation, I urge you to click the link below, take one, two, ten hours out your day, and look through Daniel's photography collection. In the mean time, I'm off to book a train ticket to Derbyshire so I can climb a hill and sing 'The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music' in celebration of my beloved home county.

*ALL PHOTOS BELONG TO DANIEL CASSON*

WOW YOURSELF WITH HUNDREDS MORE BREATHTAKING PICTURES HERE: 
http://www.danielcasson.com/

Did You Know...

DID YOU KNOW...

The last few days or so I haven't been feeling too good, dear readers. It's been a mixture of sore throat, tickly cough, headaches, ear ache, sleepless nights and now a voice that sounds like an old woman doing a headstand whilst puffing on a cigar. It ain't good, and I can't understand who or where I caught this silly thing from, but it's super annoying (eg. having coughing fits in lectures, making strange strangled sounds instead of speech, and not being able to sing Adele at full blast). I'm hoping that the worst is over, but in the mean time I'm still throwing my little pity party for one, (feel free to join if you want), which I thought would be made all the more better by indulging in a spot of blog post writing tioo. Woo. 

I thought I'd keep it nice and simple, by doing one of those random facts about me posts, firstly because they're super easy and rather fun to write, and secondly, because they almost act as a little snapshot of yourself at a certain moment in time, and seeing as I last wrote one of these posts almost a year ago, I thought it would be interesting to see how much has changed, and how much has resolutely stayed the same, since then. I also know how much fun it is to read posts like this, so whilst I get back to doing my uni work, flopping dramatically on my bed, and wowing people with the sheer nastiness of my voice, I hope you enjoy this little evening read, and I hope you're all fine and dandy too and eating your 5 fruit and veg a day. They're not lying when they say it's damn good for you.

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-LET'S BE HAVIN' YA-

001. I love peanut butter (crunchy, to be precise) and typically finish a jar within 7-10 days.

002. I'm a very expressive speaker, in that I'm working those facial expressions to the nines, whilst the hands are busy looking like they're desperately trying to break free of my body.

003. I acquired my first 'sports injury' yesterday, when the impact of catching the ball pushed my thumb a little too far backwards. The good news is that my thumb is 97% better already, so I didn't really need that sticky 'sports injury tape' from Superdrug after all.

004. I've been volunteering with the Stroke Association for almost 3 years now, how time flies!

005. I love clumpy shoes, you know the ones, with the big old platform soles the size of a continent. For some reasons, heels and typically girly shoes just don't do it for me, yet I inadvertently swoon at the sight of Dr Martens.

006. I have my ear pierced twice in each lobe & I typically always wear two silver hoops in each ear (I love hoops).

007. I also love spaghetti hoops too. I love them even better when they are on toast.

008. If I'm comfortable around you, chances are my brain will switch to autopilot when we're talking. This means the idea of verbalising all my inner random thoughts suddenly seems like a really really good idea. Sometimes I astound myself with what I actually come out with at times.

009. I got my first white hair at the age of 13, so that bridge was crossed long ago now. Everyone thought it was string at the time, including me. Turns out I actually had a very minor case of this thing called vitiligo, where you lose pigment in certain parts of your body.

010. I really really enjoy learning all the nerdy scientific stuff about how speech and language works. It literally blows my mind, so I guess it's a good job I'm doing a degree in it then.

011. I'm quite unintentionally modest, as I don't really like attracting attention or comments, even the nice ones! I quite like to do my own thing, so if you happen to catch me, I'll be a bit of a startled deer in the headlights. 

012. I have a pesky habit where I make myself appear rather dumb. I'm sure I must've convinced a surprisingly large amount of people that I am severely lacking brain cells, yet the irony is I'm actually rather bright and a super keen bean when it comes to learning.

013. I personally believe everywhere and everything should be decorated with fairy lights and colourful paint. I think it would defo make the world a lot more happier and peaceful and nicer.

014. I always wing it when I cook. Whether it's cakes, cheesecakes, waffles, full on meals, soups... I rely purely on my observational skills, the key things my ma taught me, and my tastebuds. I don't know why but I seem to have recently taking a disliking to following recipes...

015. Normally if I watch something once, I have to wait almost a year before I do so again, as I remember the story & what happens too well. The two exceptions to this are 500 Days of Summer and Sex & The City, which I would happily watch on repeat for the rest of my days, with 500 Days of Summer being my all time fave.

016. Disney makes me really happy.

017. This year I'm going to watch The Last Shadow Puppets, The 1975 & James Bay, and I'm pretty darn chuffed. I also am desperate to see the Boss, the legend, the iconic Bruce Springsteen when he tours in May/ June but it's bang in the middle of exam seasons and I can't even deal with the pain rn.

018. The best holiday I ever went on ever in the world ever was to Copenhagen in Denmark last summer. I've been fortunate to go to some really amazing places over the years, but as much as I value, treasure and appreciate those experiences, Copenhagen was literally my dream come true. It was like heaven on earth to me & I could thank my ma & pa a million times over for taking me along with them, because in doing so, they gave me the most priceless gift & I will treasure those memories always.

019. My sister is my absolute bestest friend ever. We may have our differences, but I swear to God we are the same person. Two sides to the same coin. We think the same things and say the same things, and at the same time too. We message and talk to each other every single day, we know each other better than we know ourselves, I'm the ying to her yang... you get the idea. She is everything to me. I'd be utterly lost without her.

020. Once I start dancing, which is whenever any kind of music is on, I can keep going all. night. long.

021. I find it super hard to sit still, unless I'm completely 100% absorbed in what I'm doing.

022. I maintain that Skyfall is the best Bond film ever, and if you disagree with me there I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore.

023. I love writing cards for people. Often when I speak, I get tongue tied, or I don't say everything I really want to say. When I write, however, I find the words just come out so naturally and perfectly, with just the right amount of lovingly crafted wit and sarcasm, and a big old dollop of love, and when I see people laughing or crying or smiling when they read what I've written, it's quite possibly the best feeling in the world.

024. I'm developing a minor addiction to watching The Chase, on ITV at 5pm every weekday. Proper love it.

025. Random fact here, but the second time I took my driving test, I was busting for the loo before hand, and apparently this was very unintentionally obvious by the way I was walking. I know this because someone stopped me to ask if I needed to go to the loo as I walked into the test centre. They were right.

026. When I went to Maccy D's in London last year, I was just leaving when someone crossed in front of me, carrying a Big Mac and chips on his tray. It was like I'd just been expelliarmused, because that person, was none other than Draco bloody Malfoy!

027. I love my own company and having 'me time', but I also love talking to and being around other people. It makes me feel ridiculously content.

028. I was born 10 days late, but that's okay because I love the date of my birthday, even if it does fall on a Monday this year.

029. I think it's important to always keep your perspective on life, and see the broader picture. Don't get so caught up in all the minor, inadequate, passing details. Life is so much more than that.

030. I had to buy an eye shadow palette specifically for brown eyes, because I made very poor eyeshadow choices over the years and I had to put an end to it. Poor choices included bright blue to make my brown eyes pop, and wearing purple eyeshadow under my eyes. Do u see my problem.

Easily Amused

EASILY AMUSED

The other day I was about to eat my banana, when I noticed that the complimentary sticker adorned on it actually looked rather funky. It made me laugh and exclaim about said funkiness. which then caused my dear friend to comment, or more like lament, on how I am easily amused. Naturally I tried to defend myself, but after it got me thinking, firstly, am I really that kind of person, who is so easily amused by everything and anyone, and secondly, and most importantly, is that a good thing, or a bad thing?. People, well mostly British people, generally don't respond well to people who are too upbeat, too positive, too perky, too joyful. It's off-putting. It's weird. And it's just down right annoying. Where's the cynicism? Where are the withering comments and the nice healthy doses of pessimism? Where's the hardened heart and the bitter recollections? All these ingredients need to be thrown into the mix, to create a balance between optimism and pessimism, that is slightly askew to the pessimistic side. In some respects, I suppose that acquiring that slightly uneven balance, where that cynicism and pessimism take the deciding hand, is a resolute marker of ascertaining adulthood status. When you've experienced enough of the world, when you've been sufficiently swayed by the protests of society, when you've transitioned too far into adulthood to ever go back, that's when you acquire these surprisingly negative lenses that change your perspective on life. A world of colour and hope and promise suddenly becomes a monochrome metropolis, rife with realism, reluctance, and unabated wariness. Yet the strange thing is, no-one stops to question this. No-one stops to ask where it all went wrong. People accept, sometimes even welcome this progression into scepticism. And part of me thinks that's really rather sad.

  When you're a child, the world is seen in a largely untarnished, glorified way. Aside from the odd events that crop up here and then, which alert you to the possibility that all may not be what it seems, the world is quite a marvellous place to be. You perceive everything in technicolour, you see the goodness in everyone and everything, you have such glorious hope and unquestionable optimism. You explore, you play, you create, you love, and boundaries are merely something to be broken and overcome. You believe explicitly in the goodness that tomorrow will surely bring. Any trips along the way are brushed off, any wrong doings forgiven. You don't know how to hate, you don't categorise people on superficial things, you value people for who they are as a person. You dream without limits, you swear by such a thing as magic, you take the joy out of everything, you live every day to the utmost fullest and you never look back. All these things, are truly beautiful things. Gifts to cherish. Yet at the time you just don't see them that way. You don't realise that one day, things won't feel like this. The world won't continue to present itself in such a way, nor will you perceive it so. Experience, and the overriding influence of other people, will steadily change all that, as will it change you. Yet the awful thing is you won't even realise it's happening, and a lot of the time you'll find yourself willingly surrendering to it, because childhood suddenly becomes a confine from which to escape and adulthood a tantalising and alluring maze in which to enter.

We willingly surrender our previous virtues, beliefs and perspectives, and replace them with those typically associated with adulthood. We allow those steadfast pillars to be demolished and replaced without pausing to question or fight back. We feel we have to lose our childhood hope, optimism, belief, in order to properly grow up and transition into adulthood. We can't have both. It's one or the other. That's just the way it is. And if by some kind of miracle, you manage not to lose that beautiful childhood outlook on life, and you manage to take it with you, people will only go and label you naive, innocent, foolish, easily amused. You're essentially penalised for choosing to refrain from those clutches of adulthood. Penalised for still choosing to see the good in others, see the good and joy in the world, have hope, be fuelled by possibility and promise, choosing not to discriminate, believing in free thoughts and free speech, forgiving and making up again, ... these 'childish' virtues that seem to always go on the decline once adult status is acquired, and subsequently are very much lacking in society. The virtues that are only rediscovered in sheer amazement and overwhelming joy, when one goes on to have their own child, and is once again exposed to that long lost mindset and perspective all over again. 

Now I'll be the first to hold my hands up and say that for a nineteen year old girl living in modern society,  I'm not wise beyond my years, like many of my peers are. I've still got a lot of growing up and experiencing to do. I didn't grow up before my time, I enjoyed my youth and being silly, carefree, foolish, I never had the desire to play at being adults. There's still things most people have experienced my age, that I am yet to do so, which cause some to think of me as innocent, naive, inexperienced. Likewise, this means my opinions and virtues and beliefs have been shaped slightly differently, maybe because my own experiences differ slightly from everyone else's and they've since lead me to gain different insights, awarded me different perspectives, helped me form slightly different conclusions. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that, even though people don't always take me seriously. In fact, I actually really like that I see the world in a slightly different way to many others. I feel like it's good for me personally. It's healthy for me.Yet the downside, is that it means people still think I've got an awful lot of growing up and experiencing to do, and are waiting for that elusive day to happen. And although I agree with them, in that yes, there's still things I'm yet to experience, which will in turn solidify my adult status, at the same time, I can't honestly say I have a desire to get on with doing them, because I like where I am and I'd rather continue doing things my own way. I don't want to lose myself, or sacrifice part of myself. After all, following the norm is something I often shy away from doing.

In the mean time, I'm really happy with who I am now. I feel that even though I may be lacking in certain experiences, and my life isn't unnecessarily complicated, nor is it prematurely aged before its time, my own experiences have afforded me a different kind of wisdom and maturity and perspective. I've done my growing up a different kind of way, and by taking my time, stubbornly sticking my heels in the ground and refusing to transition into adulthood without a second glance or pause for thought, I've done what's right for me. I've managed to grow up, learn my lessons, change for the better, mature at my own pace, conquer the world one step at a time, all whilst retaining those thoughts, opinions, virtues, perspectives formed and perfected in childhood. I've carried the most important ones through with me to adulthood, and made sure that I'm still in touch with that youthful part of me. I feel that once you close that door and throw away the key, you lose an important part of yourself in the process, that can never fully be regained again. Being young at heart, retaining that somewhat foolish belief and possibility, taking pure joy out of the simplest things, choosing to see the underlying good and potential in people and believe it's always there, seeing the beauty in the world, having hope and faith... Refusing to be hardened, broken, scarred, changed into someone you don't really know, losing your optimism, your child like wonder and amazement... All these things are, I feel, integral to being truly happy in yourself and with your life. Enjoying every day. Appreciating what you have. Seeing the glass half full. Be a better person. Making the world a better place. Being as happy and content in adulthood, as you were at childhood. Feeling so damn lucky to be alive. You don't need to completely and wholly sacrifice who you were,who you are deep down, because it's the done thing. Because it's what's expected of you. Because it's part of growing up and being an adult. Because society encourages and promotes it. There's always another way of doing things. 

So to answer my previous questions: am I easily amused? Well it would definitely appear so. I try to take the joy out of everything I can, and appreciate every little thing too, and I can't stress to you how much those two small actions changed my life and my mindset for the better. Likewise I'm still resolutely in touch with that youthful part of me, that child like wonder and amazement and outlook, but conversely, I firmly believe that doing so doesn't make me childish or immature. It means I walk without fear, it means I still see the world through the lenses of technicolour, hope, possibility, optimism, potential, it helps me to be a better, kinder, fairer person, it means I'm happy to be alive and that I'm grateful for everything I have, every day of my life, it means my heart is not cold or broken, nor is my soul charred and disillusioned. To put it simply, it means I'm happy. So happy. So to answer the second question: are all these things a good thing or a bad thing? Well I think I know my answer...

Vintage Venice

VINTAGE VENICE

Sometimes on a Thursday afternoon, after a long day out the house doing work, you just need to chill. You need to indulge in some kind of escapism. You need to say adiós world for a moment or two, and do something that your soul will thank you for. This is what we're here to do, dear readers. And the escapism I've selected for us all to enjoy, are these beautifully breathtaking, monochrome, photographic gems, capturing times long gone. I came across them the other day, purely by chance, and was simply captivated by their beauty. I spent a good long while just trailing through them in awe, dreaming of what life must've been like when these photographs were taken. Wishing the photographs were a portal into which I could descend, and a whirlwind would then embrace me and transport me back to the time and place these photographs stunningly depict.

I'm not sure who the talented photographers responsible for these images are. The article from which I sourced these images, unfortunately didn't mention, though I assume they're the handiwork of a multitude of creatives. What I do know, however, is that these photographs were taken from the 1940's. through to the 1970's, when glamour and decadence and fabulousness and sublimity were rife, and the common denominator is the naturally gorgeous Italian city of Venice, where the main modality of transport is boat, and the architecture is steeped with character and history galore. They also capture an array of dazzling superstars from the worlds of cinema, art and music, including Mick Jagger, Liz Taylor, Eddie Fisher, Paul Newman, Salvador Dali, Gary Cooper, Gene Tierney, Sean Connery, Warren Beatty and Catherine Deneuve. These photographs really are just divine. You can almost imagine you were lounging lazily on a gondola, dressed in only the highest fashion, sipping a limoncello cocktail, as your charming Italian gondolier effortlessly navigates you through the rich waters of Venice. The warm sun gently caressing your face, cares carried away by the tranquil passing breeze, marvelling at the beauty of the world around you, feeling at one with everyone and everything...

Unfortunately photographs are yet to be magically transformed into mystical time travelling portals, so till that longed for day eventually comes, I'm afraid we'll have to make do with dreaming, and I hope you enjoy these photographs as much as I do.

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Where Do I Go From Here

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE

I never expected to feel this peculiar detachment from everything that happened. It's strange because it feels as though it was another lifetime ago, and like it wasn't me experiencing it all, but a completely different person instead. There's this distinction and distance, this wide open space that arches on for days, weeks, months, years. It's so big that I can't possibly see where it all ends. It's seemingly infinite. You could be anywhere right now. And I have no idea how to find you. Sometimes I wonder if I unconsciously instigated this detachment because it was the only way I could cope with everything. Like some force field of protection, that stops me finding the cord to plug myself back into everything all over again. Other times though, I wonder if I've just done what I previously imagined to be impossible, and simply moved on. I don't know. I can't quite tell. But what I do know, is that I'm not in the heart of the hurricane any more. Yet I never expected to feel this way. I always thought this would be alive and beating forever, that I would never be able to escape it all, but somehow I made it out, and it’s such a peculiar place to be standing. There’s a stirring deep, deep within my soul, but I can’t conjure it out on my own any more. It’s like it’s finally laid itself to rest, finally made its peace, and it no longer wants to be disturbed.

Sometimes this all feels like a really good story that I wrote in my mind. I’ve re-visited it so many times that it doesn't even feel real any more. Where do the lines between fantasy and reality cross, because now I can't honestly say that I know the difference. I know the core backbone of the story like the back of my hand. How could I ever forget? What I don't know, still, is if I drew the right conclusions, or was I simply imagining it all along? I never got the chance to back track and see just one more time, so I'm only left with memories, and I don’t even want to begin to count how many times I've revisited those. I don’t think there’s enough numbers in the universe. Sometimes I think back to the time when I watched you walk right out of my life, or I think back to everything that happened, and I can't help but wonder why I never did anything about it. Why did I watch the ship sinking and do nothing but stand on the side-lines, lamenting a loss I could have actively prevented? Why did I watch everything slowly go up in flames, instead of finding the water to put the flames out? Why did I throw myself into the path of the hurricane, and act surprised when it started to blow everything to pieces? I remember how we were always dancing around the subject, running in and out in a constant cycle, heads turned the other way yet secretly looking back over your shoulder to the one standing there. Sometimes I wish I had been braver. Sometimes I wish I had realised sooner. Sometimes I wish we'd captured that light and given it a concrete base, held it close with two hands, instead of letting it remain so free and elusive, until eventually it simply got blown away by the winds of change and time.

I always say this, and I still continue to say this, but you really did change my life. Divided it into two: a before and an after. Nothing has been the same since. You were like a dream. The sweetest dream come true. You were a figment of my imagination, the pinnacle of my hidden longing, a perfectly imperfect representation of my virtues, conjured into life. I've never met anyone like you. I'm still trying to find someone like you, but I worry that I never will because how you can you replace the irreplaceable? I often forget how it felt now. Like I said, the distance is really quite something. You're half a world away. Sometimes it feels like a million light years. I try to close my eyes and think, willing my memories to take me by the hand and guide me right back to those moments, those places, but it feels as though it's all clouded by an ashy, blurry, impenetrable fog. If my memories were a pair of shoes, I've worn them so many times that they're falling apart at the seams. I know it's time to put them to rest and look for something else, yet simultaneously those memories are a prized possession. A distant reminder from many years ago not to lose hope. To remember that it wasn't all in my mind. A flicker of pure magic that legend says you only experience once in a lifetime. Legends that I used to discount and roll my eyes at, but now find myself starting to believe all the same. You often feel like a dream I fabricated in the dead of night. You're an entity that used to be so vivid yet no longer presents in clarity, and I don't recall when I started to lose focus yet the proof of your existence no longer lies in those precious memories, but more so in the making of who I am. 

I guess you could say that my mind has somewhat faded your imprint on me. It's no longer booming asteroid showers, instead it's a fine rain that scarcely leaves a trace. I feel you most strongly now in not my mind, but somewhere else entirely. Maybe it's my heart, maybe it's my soul. I'm not quite sure, but something deep inside me still remembers what it was like to be around you. It's the benchmark to which I now subconsciously compare everyone I meet. The measurement that I use without even realising. And as of yet, no-one has made me remember that feeling, or reminded me of it. Some have come close, but most are almost-but-not-quite's, or they don't have any passing resemblance at all. At times I feel as though my mind, my heart, my soul, must surely be playing tricks on me. This feeling of recognition, this imprint, must be pure fabrication. Yet feeling like this, remembering like this, isn't something I decided, nor did I want. It just is. It's not a memory, it's a feeling, a change, a unique imprint drawn in permanent marker. Often, I wish I wasn't left with this new found knowledge about myself, this elusive long lost feeling I hope to feel again one day, the impact of another, this sense of which parts of me I want someone else to light up, just by them being them and us reacting together. Someone who fills in what I lack to make a whole, and vice versa. I wish I could settle for less, but things will never be like they were again. They can't be, and I know deep down that that's a good thing.

Even now, when the intensity has faded, and the feelings have mellowed and broadened in scope. I still remember, even though I really wish I wouldn't. It still flickers, it's still embedded in my being, it's still present. I doubt it could ever be truly lost. But for now, I know that the race has been run, the mountain has been climbed, the sea has been swum. There's no more to give. No more that can be done. Time and distance are as infinite as ever. The world suddenly seems like an awfully big place. There's no place to start and no place to end. A click of one's finger and an entity becomes a peculiar forceful feeling and a collection of cloudy memories and a whisper blown along by the wind. There's nowhere left to run, there's no past to which to turn to, there's no choice accept to open my eyes to the future and step into it with a heart full of optimism and promise. One day I hope to meet someone else who gives me that feeling of recognition once again. I hope to meet my match. I hope to meet someone with whom I can share my life, my happiness, and vice versa. I hope to meet someone who inspires me. I hope to be brave enough to stand up tall and proud and confident and not hold back. I hope that I take a chance and see what I find on the other side. I hope I remember what I learnt from you. But till that day comes, I've decided I no longer want to feel at a loss any more. Instead, I hope to feel as a free as a bird, as weightless as a floating feather, as content as the sun on a blue summers day, as bright as a star, as full of promise as the rain clearing the air so a new day can begin. Open my heart once again. And I'll carry on walking in this direction. I quite like where I'm going now. I'm happy. Really happy. And I don't know if this path will ever lead me to where you are and where you're going. Maybe it never will. But whatever happens, I implicitly trust that what will be, will be. In the mean time, I have a life to be living, dreams to make reality, and a future to be getting to.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

I've been wanting to write a post about this topic for quite a while. I've touched upon it numerous times, particularly over the last year, and I've written similar posts to this one too, however as far as I can recall, I haven't exclusively dedicated a post wholly to it. So here we are. Now, I feel, is the right time, the perfect time, because once again this idea, this notion, of stepping out of your comfort zone, has come to be an integral part of my life once again. Learning how to do it in the first place is easily one of the best things I ever did for myself. It's already changed my life in so many ways, and it still continues to change my life now. I can't even begin to list to you all the examples.What I've gained vastly outweighs any potential negatives. Any change that occurs in my life, as a result of stepping out of my comfort zone, is almost always positive. In fact, I can't actually recall a time where stepping out of my comfort zone ended badly. It's one of those things that almost seems to be synonymous with fate, in that stepping out of your comfort zone demands so much of you, that it's almost inevitable that fate will bless and reward you in some way for your efforts. Even if things don't turn out quite as well as you planned, you still gain an experience, a lesson, an 'oh well' as opposed to a 'what if'', and I think that that's pretty incredible.

Having the opportunity to do what scares us, is something that most of us encounter on a regular basis, even if we don't always realise it. There's always a chance to make a change, confront a fear, close your eyes, jump right into the deep end and see what happens. However a lot of the time, it's easier to ignore that chance. Easier to pass it off for a later date, another time, another place. Safer to decline, stay secure in what you know best, hide away. Find a reason to say no. Stepping out of your comfort zone is genuinely hard work. After all, the whole point of the exercise is to go against the grain and discard the comfortable for the initially uncomfortable, and see what happens in the process. I feel like that message is best depicted in the quote and accompanying image in the photo above: a comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing ever grows there. It's only when you leave it behind that you allow the magic to really happen and take hold. It's only then that change can truly begin. So I guess it's a matter of plucking up the courage to break away from what you already know so well, the comforting hand that holds you close, reigns you in, protects you, and launch yourself into the world like an arrow released from a bow into the great unknown, with the aim of meeting that longed for target goal.

When we grow up, I think we all start with a rather select and minute comfort zone that surrounds us. As we experience life, and we mature. As we grow older, wiser, more perceptive. As our minds start to evolve and we begin to find ourselves, that's when our comfort zone begins to change form, size, depth. It expands as we conquer the world little by little, and that's really great. What we know and learn about ourselves and our world, who we choose to surround ourselves with, what we experience, the inevitable waves of change that we ride... all these things form part of the expansion. But I think there comes a point when the growing and the expansion stop being the responsibility of others, and starts becoming your own. The input of other people is especially integral in your early years, but it can only take you so far. People can't always be there pushing you, guiding you, prompting you, rallying for you. I completely agree that we can all help each other out by giving one another a helpful nudge in the right direction, every now and then, or maybe even physically dragging someone out of their comfort zone if needs be, but likewise I think that in order to keep on growing and changing and bettering yourself, the person doing the nudging, the encouraging, the rallying, needs to be you. It's a certainly a mighty fine, life changing skill to have under your belt. Being able to step out of your comfort zone is often the only way to truly instigate and make progress. Change who you are and your life for the better. Keep moving forwards.

I know that over the years I've done my fair share of attempting to step out of my comfort zone, but I feel like the key difference between then and now, is that back then those attempts were mostly out of force and reluctance. There was always someone there to help me, or a lot of the time I didn't have much choice in the matter. If I did choose to willingly leave my comfort zone, I often managed the first step but struggled to take it any further. I'd do the thing that scared me, but then I didn't really know how to manage the consequences of that. Ride those waves of change. I wanted to do things differently, I wanted to leave my comfort zone, but I didn't understand that in order to be successful and get the most of your foray into the unknown, you have to be the one driving yourself forwards. You have to take control and seize the opportunity. It all comes from within, naff as it sounds. Thinking back now, I remember one distinct moment that has always stuck with me, and in some ways has acted like a driving force ever since. The moment when things start to change and click into place. It was the end of year 12 and I was trying to get myself a job. I was always petrified about handing out my CV, making that all important first move, putting myself out there. I swore I didn't have that capacity. Then one day I realised that if I really wanted to get a job, my best chance of doing so was by handing out CV's. So rather reluctantly, I decided I would do it, and I brought one of my best friends along as moral support. To this day I swear she is the reason I got my first job, because to put it simply, she was just amazing. She was rallying me on the whole time, telling me I could do it, urging me to go into any shop with a sign in the window, talk to the staff, enquire about vacancies, slide my CV under doors, or hand it in for future consideration. If I was on my own, I don't think I would've done any of those things. But with her by my side, I found I had the confidence and desire to at least try. And I always remember how all along, she kept saying how she tries to do something that scares her every day. If it scares you, do it. That incredible, simple, life changing mantra.

At the time though, I didn't really quite understand how said mantra actually worked in practice, and if it was any good, but simultaneously I remember being so inspired by it, as did I hugely admire my friend for trying to follow it. My dear friend has always been a go-getter, a fear buster, someone who launches herself into the unknown time and time again, even when she doesn't know what might be waiting on the other side, and she always manages to find the wings to fly. I never used to understand how she did it. It amazed me every single time, but it wasn't till that moment, back in year 12, that I finally started to understand those simple yet important mechanisms underlying everything. That's when I feel I finally learnt her secret, and for some reason, what my dear friend said about doing something scares you every day, or at least confronting the things that scare you, has stuck with me from that moment onwards. It has always been lodged in the back of my mind, refusing to budge, exerting its dominance. Since that day a lot of things have happened in my life, that would not have happened had I not decided to force myself out of my comfort zone. Other people and the strange workings of fate can only change your life so much. To really get the most out of life and the most out of yourself, you are the one who is responsible. You are the one with the magic in your hands. And it's amazing just what you can actually do for yourself. 

If you think about your life as a line graph, a comfort zone is always depicted as a plateau. A flat line going infinitely forwards at the same level without any change or disruption. It's not good, it's not bad, it's just mediocre. It doesn't demand change. Everything is so-so. And that's okay. But if you're always plateauing, you'll never know what more you're capable of. What other heights could you reach. How far you can go. How much more learning and experiencing you can do. You don't know how much better your life could get. You don't know who you could meet.You have no idea about how much underlying, unused potential is waiting to be put to be seized upon and put to good use. It's only when you step out of your comfort zone and instigate change that the plateau tilts upwards 45 degrees and suddenly your life starts moving onwards towards unparalleled and unknown heights. That's when progress is made. That's when the magic really starts. If I hadn't began challenging myself and forcing myself to leave familiar territory, my life as it stands today would not even exist. I would not be here. I don't even know where I would be. I wouldn't have chosen to study my course, and realised that I have a vast wealth of other skills and interests that I never even knew I possessed. I wouldn't have moved to Manchester and gone to university, both of which are choices that have irreversibly changed my life for the better. I wouldn't have made such amazing, irreplaceable new friends. I wouldn't have gained all the random, brilliant experiences that I can recall so fondly now. I wouldn't have tried all those new societies and met all those new people. I wouldn't have done those fantastic volunteering opportunities, work experience, jobs. I wouldn't have done my Spanish exchange, which I still consider to be one of the best weeks of my life. I wouldn't have joined the UoM Korfball team and kept it up, nor would I have applied to be on the blog society committee. I woudn't have started this blog or my online store Bluboca, or applied for my radio show, or participated in SketchoMatic. I wouldn't have started driving lessons and passed my driving test. I wouldn't have got that guy's number or been on that date. I wouldn't have even met the person who changed my life forever, nor would I have gotten closure a few months down the line. There's an awful lot of things that I would not have done. And to put it simply, I would not be who I am now. I would not be where I am now. And that's both scary and exhilarating at the same time.

Even the last few weeks I have been trying to step out my comfort zone, fuelled onwards by the mantra that if something scares me, then I need to crack on with it and do it. And guess what? As always, it has done me the world of good. Progress has been made. Life has become that little bit more wonderful than it already was. Sometimes I think it's utterly bizarre that I am the one who has made most of this possible. Likewise I find it even crazier that I have become this kind of person. Someone who gets on with things. Someone who is confident and brave enough to at least try. Someone who challenges themselves. Who confronts what scares them most. Who actively seeks out experiences that will create an impact. Who feels fear buzzing within her and carries on anyway. I still don't understand how this is me now. It's like I'm a different person to who I was even a year ago, and in many ways I suppose I am. And to tell you the truth, I really don't think I have ever been happier. If someone was to tell you that the key to changing your life for the better, and changing yourself for the better, is simply by stepping out of your comfort zone, doing what scares you most and initiating and embracing the change, you'd think they were crazy. Ridiculous. Taking the absolute Michael. Surely it can't be that simple. But ironically, that's the honest truth. You are the solution to the problem. You are the key to the lock. It's you. It all comes down to you. And don't waste your life thinking you can't do it, that you don't have it in you, because you really do. You are capable. It's likely that you just don't realise it yet. Stepping out of your comfort zone is just that, a step. That's all it takes. One step. One step in the right direction. And you'd be absolutely amazed at what you find when you do. 

"BEING FEARLESS ISN'T ABOUT BEING 100% UNAFRAID. IT'S BEING TERRIFIED BUT YOU JUMP ANYWAY"- Taylor Swift

Midnight Apple & Banana Cake

MIDNIGHT APPLE & BANANA CAKE

First things first, lets give a big hurrah to the top notch, super duper impressive, state of the art photographic skills demonstrated in the above photograph. For when is life better, then when viewed through the 2MP lens of a Windows smartphone? As always, I'm keeping it real. You can even see the little knife holes in the cake and remnants of said cake on the fork. I don't really think it gets much realer than that. Heck, I've even included the make shift cooling rack, which in this case is a small chopping board. Like I said, you know me, keeping it real and all that. What you see in all those cookery books and incredibly beautiful blog posts, is a little thing called food airbrushing, where food is tweaked and touched up to look as aesthetically pleasing, soul tempting and as close to perfection as possible. What you aren't seeing, is the more simplistic, slightly unorthodox yet equally beautiful reality, which basically looks like the photo above. So I'm here to show you what baking really looks like, which is imperfectly perfect, delicious, soul nurturing, unifying, handmade, heaven sent goodness (captured on a camera with approximately 2MP resolution or less).

Now putting that mini sassy statement aside, another thing to acknowledge here, dear readers, is that it's been a while since I wrote a little baking post for you. I've definitely been baking and cooking, you can count on that without a doubt as I'm a huge foodee. I guess that I just haven't been documenting my culinary pursuits lately, and that's mostly down to forgetfulness, and the fact that I've normally eaten most of my creation by the time the notion to photograph it, even crosses my mind. This little beauty above appears to be an exception. Derived from a week long desire to use the increasingly brown bananas sat on the top of my fridge, on Friday night, at midnight I decided I would knock up a banana cake whilst re-watching my Modern Family boxset. I also decided I would use the half eaten apple I'd stored in my fridge for a later date, as well as the nice brown sugar I recently bought from Lidl. Oh the wild life I lead. And so with that, the Midnight Apple & Banana Cake was born. 

Considering that it was 100% made by winging it (the ingredient measures below are typical ratios in most standard cake mixes), from the ingredients through to actually making the cake itself, I was very, very pleasantly surprised at the end result. Most cakes I derive through the art of winging it, I must say do not turn out too well. There's always room for improvement and a muttering of 'damn it, I should really follow a recipe next time'. This time wasn't one of those times. There's a reason I ate half the cake within twelve hours, and that's because it was surprisingly delicious. Moist but not too moist, flavoursome, rich, a lovely texture. It was something of a cake dream, which is why I simply had to share the recipe with you lovely people, should you want to try and make this cake for yourself too. Whether you're a baker or not, this cake is super easy to make, can be done within 30-40 minutes, adapted to suit your personal tastes, and you don't even have to make it at midnight. It will still taste just as good, and definitely make you super popular with whoever you share your cake with, even in the daytime. Trust me. Now goeth onwards and fill your life with the joy of cake. I promise it looks and tastes better than it does in the photograph.

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-YOU WILL NEED-

2 x eggs

4 oz self raising flour

4 oz butter

2 or 3 oz brown sugar

1tsp vanilla essence (optional)

2 x mashed bananas (the browner the better)

1/2 apple cut into thin squares (around 2mm thin)

* You can adapt the recipe by adding 1-2 oz chocolate, nuts, dried fruid, glace cherries*

* If you want a larger cake, go for 3 eggs and 6oz of butter/ flour/ sugar, and if you're trying to supersize then it's 4 eggs and 8oz of butter/ flour/ sugar*
*For decoration you may want to try an icing sugar glaze or melted chocolate*

-RECIPE-

001. Turn the oven to 180 degrees and lightly dust a baking tin or ceramic, oven proof bowl with flour, making sure all the surface is evenly covered.

002. Mash the bananas in a bowl with a fork until they look a bit like puree.

003. In another bowl, add the butter and sugar and blend together with a wooden spoon, until the butter turns a nice caramel colour.

004. Add the flour, two eggs and vanilla essence and mix together thoroughly, until you have a sloppy-ish (what a lovely word choice eh) mixture. Then stir in the bananas and chopped apple.

005. Pour mix into the baking tin/ bowl and smooth out evenly with the wooden spoon. Make sure you leave some mixture to eat (quality control and all that).

006. Cook for 20 mins, then check the progress by sticking a knife in and seeing if it comes out clean. If yes, take cake out of oven and leave to cool for 5 mins, before turning out onto a plate or wire rack. If not, leave the cake in for another 5 mins and check again, and once thoroughly cooked remove cake, leave to cool, then transfer to plate/ rack.

007. Eat whilst warm (and if you eat 1/2 the cake in one go, don't worry. I did the same too. It's cool).