The Dazzling Concept of Existence

THE DAZZLING CONCEPT OF EXISTENCE

I was just looking up some Oliver Sacks quotes earlier and I found one in particular that really struck a chord with me. It got me thinking. It said “There will be no-one like us when we are gone, but then there is no-one like anyone else, ever. When people die, they cannot be replaced. They leave holes that cannot be filled, for it is the fate, the genetic and neural fate, of every human being to be a unique individual, to find his own path, to live his own life, to die his own death.” It blew my mind to think about just how many individuals have actually lived across the thousands of years that have supported and sustained human life. Millions and millions of people have walked this earth in its varying stages of evolution. People were inhabiting a frozen world during the ice age, sailing seas in exploration of new countries and what could lie beyond, watching Shakespeare plays when they were first brought to life, fighting battles with swords and horses, building pyramids, fuelling a worldwide industrial revolution, creating technology, finding answers to anything and everything. Ever since humans came in to being, they have been inhabiting the world in its various stages of development and making changes to it constantly. A generation arrives, provides some kind of input, leads some kind of progression, makes some kind of difference and leaves as another generation arrives to do more of the same. It’s a never ending cycle. Millions and millions of people making some kind of contribution to the world. And each of those individuals opened their eyes one day for the very first time, to see a body just like yours or mine before them. And they used their body to live a life in the world that awaited them, a world that was changed by all those before them. These people ate, drank, slept, loved, learnt, interacted, did right and wrong, were happy, sad and everything in between, just like every other human being to live. They used their chance at life to do whatever their heart desired, live a life completely unique to them even if parts of it were comparable to those of another. All these millions of people, across the thousands of years, have used their own unique bodies and brains and hearts to live a life on this earth. 

And if that wasn't amazing enough, the sheer scope of human life that has walked across this planet, what is perhaps even more breath taking and mind blowing is the mere realisation that out of every single one of those people, from the very first humans to those like you and me living in the very present day, not a single one has ever been the same. It’s not the same people living over and over again. Every new life created on this earth has never lived before. No-one like you has ever lived on this planet, out of all those millions and millions of people who have lived or are living, and no-one like you will ever live or exist on this planet again. And it’s strange because out of all those millions of people, you’d think there’d be some kind of overlap, and although yes there are similarities in genetic make-up, neural activity, choices made, personalities developed, lives led, no two people are ever the same and never can be the same. The genetic coding that has been supporting and growing your being from day one of your existence, is completely and utterly unique to you. When a sperm and an egg come together, and all that genetic information intertwines, the way they react to one another is different every time, what’s expressed is different every time, and a new individual unlike anyone else on this planet, in the whole existence of this earth, is created every single time. 

For thousands of years, individual after individual has been created and the same person has never lived more than once, and these individuals then go onto live a life that no-one before them has lived either. Even if two lives are virtually identical, the way each individual has perceived, processed, led and responded to their life is always different and unique. The people surrounding them are different. The world that surrounds them is different. The interactions they have are different. The choices they make are different. It’s just crazy. How can there have been so many people born and yet each be so different to the next? How can there have been no overlapping? No replication? No second time round? Every single person and the life they lead is one of a kind. And though people may look like you, make the same decisions as you, have the same personality as you, lead a similar life, wear the same clothes, like the same things, dislike the same things, share the same opinions, they will never be truly the same. Similar, yes, but never the same. It’s impossible for you to be me, and for me to be you. And going back to Oliver Sacks’ quote again, reading those words made me think about the strange workings of fate. It’s as though people are alive at certain periods of time for a reason. Their chance at life is meant to occur at a particular time, when all these variables are perfectly aligned. 

Take me for example. Who I am now and the life I have lead so far is a direct consequence of the times and environment I live in, the kind of world I was born into and the stage of development it was at, as well as how it’s changed over my nineteen years. All the people that have been a part of my life in some shape or form, right through from the strangers to those that I hold dearest to me right now. The world events that have occurred, the decisions and choices I have made, the places I have been to that hold some kind of significance to me. The input I have received, sounds I’ve heard, things I’ve seen, what I’ve experienced, what I’ve learnt, the output I’ve given to the world. The genetic coding I got from my mum and my dad that intertwined at a very precise moment in time, and expressed itself in a very particular, unique way. The genes my parents received from the long line of people before them, that have also been incorporated in my DNA too and become a part of who I am. Contributed to the person I am now. I am made up of all these people before me, part of the seemingly endless source of life. They helped make me who I am now, by making my mum the way she is, my dad the way he is, and so on. Who I am now is the body my DNA dictated for me. I was given these brown eyes with green specks, freckles on my face, an ear like my mum’s, an ear like my dad’s, moles across my body, a 5’6 height, a size 12 figure, size 6 feet. These so far healthy organs, a heart that keeps pumping blood around my body, lungs that keep me oxygenated so I can go about my life, a good immune system that keeps me as healthy as I can be. My one of a kind brain that controls my whole being. That retains the memories I make, things I learn, faces I meet, the language I speak to communicate and express myself to the world. That perceives the sensory input given to it in a way that is unique to me, and processes and reacts to it in a way that’s unique to me too. That makes me feel certain emotions, respond in a certain way, speak certain things, think certain thoughts, dictates what I like and do not like, pushes me towards what makes me feel happy and away from what doesn’t, what is bad for me and what is good. The oxygen, the sodium, the glucose, the molecules, the atoms, the blood, the neural impulses that generate the neural activity that makes all of this possible.  

All these things and so much more make me the very person I am right now. I can only be the person I am now because of all these things, and all the things that have happened to me before and will happen to me in future. I literally could not exist in any other time except now. In order for me to be me, I had to be alive at this very moment in time, I had to come into being at a precise moment in time. I had to live my life in the way I have done so far. I needed to meet all the people I have done so far, and will continue to do so in future. They are in my life and I am in theirs for a reason. I need to live in the world as it is right now and has been during my life so far. The world that will be in future. I needed my mum to be my mum, my dad to be my dad, my sister to be my sister. All of it, everything, is integral to who I am and it is all allowing me to lead the life I want to lead on this earth. I’m still not sure how I’m going to leave my mark on this earth, but whether it be through the man I marry, the family and new life I create, the friends I make, the love I give, the lives I help touch and make better, research I do, things I create, words I write or speak, the big things, the small things, the only way for me to leave my mark and live the life I was meant to live, is by being alive right here, right now, at this moment in time. No other time or place will do. All these things are for a reason. Because they make me who I am.

The changes I can make to this world, the contributions, I can only make by being alive right now. This is my time to make my changes, do what I need to do, be who I need to be, live the life I want to lead. There's no pressure for me to do or be certain things, to achieve certain goals, leave a huge mark upon this world. Just by being me and being alive now, living my life now, is enough. That I was even here in the first place is enough. And the same goes for you if you’re living and breathing right now at this very moment in time. You’re meant to be here right now just as much as I am. This is our time. The moment when all our stars, all those variables, have aligned in just that right, precise way to enable our existence. And we’ll be here as long as we need to be in order to make our contribution to this world, give all we can, leave the world in a certain way for the generations after us, and then we’ll depart. What comes next I don’t know.  I wasn’t meant to be alive any time before May 23^rd 1996, and I’m not meant to live any longer then the moment that I die. When the ending comes I’ll be going because my time is up. I’ve done all I could do, left my mark, even if it may not seem like it initially. And it’s just strange how all of this is so. How we each have our time. Our moment. How everyone on this earth, generation after generation, needs each other to live their lives, to be who they are. We’re all interlinked, all dependent on one another. We all change the world for one another. We give life and love and wisdom and hurt and hate to one another. We are impacted by those before us, we impact those around us right here, right now, and we’ll impact those people who are yet to even walk this planet. And this crazily perfect order of life, where my nana came before my mum, my mum before me, me before my sister, before my future children, I swear is governed by fate or some higher being. It’s all meant to happen this certain way. Everything and everyone is meant to be. Something much bigger than this life and this world is happening, has always been happening, and it’s times like these when you take a moment to tap into it, escape the present moment for just a little while to think it all through, that you realise just how bloody, amazing, incredible, bewildering, clever, fateful this whole concept of existence is, and how lucky we are to each be chosen to be a part of it.