20 Things I've Learnt At 20

20 THINGS I'VE LEARNT AT 20

It's that time of year again... Another year older, another year slightly wiser, slightly more mature (and also more immature), slightly more grown up, and slightly closer to learning how to make mashed potato. Oh yes and also another blog post summarising the main things the last year has taught me. I've done it at 18 and I've done it at 19, and now that I've finished 3rd year and actually have the time to write a lil' post, I thought it would be nice to carry on the tradition. Plus I can't resist the opportunity to reflect on the year gone by and get myself in an emotional tizz reminiscing. So why the hell not, though if I make it to 104 then I might reconsider...

I can't believe that I'm one day away from 21 now. Honestly I'm not really sure where 20 went. It's come and gone in a flash, and considering how nervous I was about my twenties, this first year has been a true gem. I know I always hail each year as the best one of my life, but this year truly has been one of the best, if not the best. It's another one to look back and smile about. Even though there's been a few wobbles and shocks and mini-meltdowns, hand on heart I can say that I've had the absolute time of my life. 

I've been travelling. I've volunteered at a festival and helped run a children's camp. I've helped people who stammer and transgender people and put on social events for elderly people. I've made some absolutely amazing friends and met some truly wonderful people from all over the world. I've been to the top of Manchester. I've grown my hair out again. I've got through 3rd year of uni and am 3/4 of the way to my end goal. I've overcome personal struggles and grown in confidence, wisdom, strength, as have I realised it's ok to reach out to people and tell them how you're feeling. I've got better at running and keeping fit. I've finally been to Harry Potter World and tried butterbeer. I've had magical trips in London with my sister. I've been on a sports tour. I've seen Bruce Springsteen live. I've grown even closer to my family. I've started an art account. I've found love and somehow acquired a boyfriend, and he is everything I ever hoped for. I've been on so many adventures and had so much fun. And of course I've made a tit out of myself on countless occasions.  

It's strange because I really did notice the shift when I turned 20. It felt like a new beginning, with everything the same and yet somehow so different. And little bit by little bit life has changed, morphed, transitioned, and as I approach 21, I'm so happy and grateful with where I find myself. I'm not really sure what the next year has in store, but I do know it will have its difficulties and struggles. Yet despite that, I also know that I will be surrounded by so much love, happiness, friendship, strength, I will make so many more treasured memories, and maybe, just maybe, I will crack how to make mashed potato.

So with that, here are my 20 things...

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001. Camping is actually really fun and relaxing 

002. Porridge tastes like heaven when you make it with double cream and add mixed spices

003. I am so lucky to have my Mum. I don't think I could have got through this year without her unconditional support, guidance, wisdom and love. I am so lucky that she is always just a phone call or hug away

004. I bloody love my Dad too. And my sister. And my Nan & Grandad. And the rest of my family 

005. Make sure I fully appreciate this wonderful, crazy, gorgeous time of my life and seize every opportunity, drink in every moment, be present throughout it all, because it goes waaaay to fast and life won't be this way forever, and I will treasure these days for the rest of my life

006. My self-esteem is probably always going to be a bit of a madam, but it's getting better, and my way of dealing with it is a lot more positive too nowadays

007. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers, and a simple smile can go an awful long way 

008. Pie and chips and gravy is quite possibly the secret to happiness (my mouth is salivating just from writing the words)

009. I will be a good speech and language therapist and I will get through this sodding degree, and the difficulties I face are only ever making me stronger!!

010. I'm surprisingly good at korfball once I get into the game and stop nattering away with the opposition and actually run after the ball when it comes

011. I know I just said happiness is pie, gravy & chips and I don't take that back, but I think true, undeniable, soul fulfilling happiness comes from simply spending time with the people you love most (ie. friends and family) and letting go of your worries, laughing till you can't breathe and just simply having fun  

012. I love cactuses, gin and tonic, chickpeas, tequila shots, pool (even if I get 7 balled rather a lot), Fresh Meat, Lord of the Rings, Gilmore Girls, Guardians of the Galaxy, foreign films, giant pizzas, brownies, anything silver (it makes me feel like a twinkly little star), cats, basketball, being lazy, veggie burgers, cycling

013. The importance of doing your bit to help other people and make a positive change to their lives. Nothing else can ever replicate the feeling of utter fulfilment that being selfless brings

014. Don't take everything so seriously or sensitively, and instead take a step back and relax, laugh, gain perspective, remember what's important, do the thing you want to do, be kind to yourself

015. The importance of treating the people you love, and letting them know they are loved as much as you possibly can

016. I really, really, really, really like talking on the phone

017. I'm growing into the person I always hoped I would become, and I am so very proud of who I am and the person I try to be

018. There are some really amazing places in the world, including Rome, Amsterdam, Atilla, Forest of Dean, Anglessey, Tenby (yes I love Wales now!!!), Portsmouth (love that too), Lancashire, Cheshire, Buxton, Prague...

019. I was never alone, and I'm never alone, I just need to reach out to any one of the amazing support network I have around me, and they will help me find my way back home

020. Love, and finding the right person, was completely and utterly worth the wait

Life

LIFE

Hello dear readers, long time no write! Isn't it strange? I never normally disappear for this long. Since starting this blog in July 2014, it has never taken me four weeks to write a new post. I always prided myself on having a seemingly continual stream of words and ideas to share with you all, and on a fairly regular basis too. When the blogs I love to read would come churning to a sudden stop, with no new post seen for weeks, months on end, I found it so hard to understand why. I loved that person's insights, ideas, creativity, writing style, unique voice, I thought they were doing a great job. So why did they suddenly stop? Where did the blogger go? Why couldn't they write just one measly little post? I just didn't get it whatsoever, and I promised myself that I wouldn't be like that. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't fall into the trap. 

Well I guess all I can say now is ooops. Because it happened. It finally, happened, almost 3 years down the line. I slipped up. I disappeared from the blogsphere. And all of a sudden, I've returned. 

Before I sat down to write this post, I was thinking about those reasons why, and how I could explain my absence. So many things have happened this last month, and I could easily use any one of them as justification. If I wanted to, I could explain by way of every little thing that I've done this last month alone, yet it still wouldn't really feel like enough. It wouldn't be hitting the nail on the head. And so the only explanation I can really come up with, is this: life. Life is the reason why I haven't posted for a while. Life is the thing that got in the way. Life is the thing I've been doing for the last four weeks or so. Life is what preoccupied me and fascinated me and took up all my time and energy. So if there's anyone or anything to be pointing the finger at, it's that bloody little blighter. 

And I know I've been alive for almost 21 years now, so I know a thing or two about life. But it's strange because it's only in the last year that I've come to understand it properly. It's only really in the last year that I've experienced my own definition of living life to the full. And what I mean by that, is before I used to think I was living my life to the full, but I was never entirely sure if that was true. Of course there were times when I knew. I knew with every ounce of my being. But often there was still an element of doubt. That 'is this it?' feeling, and the reluctant and placid acceptance that accompanies it, all the while secretly hoping that there must be more than this. There's got to be. Has to be. Or else what is there worth living for? 

It gives me immense pleasure to tell you that things have changed since then.

This last year in particular, things have moved, shifted, tilted. It's like life swelled out into this giant, vast, beautiful ocean, and I ran across a massive diving board and nosedived right into the heart of it. I've experienced everything so fully and acutely. I've soaked up all that I can and felt all those rippling waves across the surface of my skin. Everywhere I turn it's just life that I see, feel, experience. And I don't know if I'm feeling this way because I've lived in the past and future for so long, and now I'm finally living in the present. I just don't know. But I think that could be the reason why. After god knows how many years, I'm finally living in 2017 instead of 2006 or 2078. And it feels indescribably amazing. I can't believe I haven't been doing this sooner.

And if that explanation still doesn't really make sense, let me try a different way too. These days, I am thinking thoughts like this: 'you only live once', 'there are more important things in life', 'if it makes you happy in any kind of way, do it', 'you can always make time', 'the difficult times won't last forever', 'if today was your last day, would you feel happy with how you lived it', 'say yes', 'all you can do is try your best', 'enjoy the memories as they happen', 'experience things with every part of your being', 'be there, be present', 'enjoy and appreciate this time in your life', 'go easy on yourself','you're going to make mistakes, and that's ok', 'spare the worries for another day', 'do that thing you want to do and don't apologise or feel bad for doing it'. 

Or in more concise terms, this George Harrison quote sums everything up quite nicely: "It's being here now that's important. There's no past and no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we cannot relieve it. And we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one." And this is essentially the message that's been underpinning my life this last month. And I want you to know that I don't regret listening to or following it in the slightest. It's the same reason why I chose the accompanying photo to this post: it summarises the last month of my life so perfectly. That is me right here, right now, and I am so happy.

And it's not that I didn't want to write, because I did. I really, really did. I've had so many opinions and ideas and thoughts that I would absolutely love to share. So many things have inspired me. So many things have intrigued me. So many things have provoked a response inside of me. Almost every day I think of a great post idea. But I was just too damn busy living my life to sit and put the ideas to paper.

I've been to parties. I've been practising for a 10k race. I've been finishing my uni deadlines and stressing over them too. I've been lounging in the park. I've been on early morning, late afternoon and late night adventures with my friends. I've been watching movies, reading books, baking cakes. I've been having catch-ups with dear friends. I've been calling my family. I've been taking infinite amounts of photos. I've been smiling at strangers and having them smile back. I've been making gorgeous, beautiful memories. I've been eating mega nice food. I've been laughing so hard and smiling all the time. I've been planning my 21st birthday. I've been singing to songs as I lie on my bed, eyes shut, feeling alive. I've been exploring new parts of Manchester. I've played korfball matches and basketball. I've done events for elderly people. I've had McDonalds at 5am in A&E. I've danced in the kitchen with my housemates. I've done lots of new drawings. I've planned trips and new adventures. And I've been loving somebody and experiencing what it's like to be loved in return, for the first time in my life.

And once again, life is not perfect. It never is. But I am so content, and I am living life to the fullest I possibly can. I am making the memories, and gaining the experience, and trying my best to understand life in all its maddening, unpredictable and beautiful glory. And I am loving every second of it.