Life Right Now

LIFE RIGHT NOW

The idea for this post came to me the other day, when I was thinking about the things I've been enjoying recently, and the things that are currently defining my life, as it is right now. I've been so excited to write it, and I've been adding little things to it day by day. I guess you could say it's an important post for me. It's a post I needed to write, if only for myself. 

I'm one of those people who either hankers for the past or eagerly has their head stuck in the future. It can be hard to find the happy medium, and it can be incredibly hard to take a step back from it all and just enjoy the present. If I'm not hypothesising about the future then I'm dwelling upon past events. If I'm not freaking out about that video exam in January or where I'm going to live after I graduate, then I'm missing that guy I used to know, wishing I could relive year seven again, reminiscing about Copenhagen, reliving times in my past where I wasn't as happy. And I know it's unnecessary, and I know it's silly, because both these concepts are way out of my reach and out of my control. I can't go back to the past. I can't do anything about the future. All I have, every single time that I open my eyes in the morning, is a new day ahead of me. I have today. That is it. No yesterday. No tomorrow. No ten years ago. No ten years in the future. 

To be constantly living in a time that isn't the right here and now, is exhausting. It completely warps your perspective on the present, and what's right there in front of you. It colours your perspective. It blindsides your vision. It leads to unnecessary emotional baggage. It confuses you. It makes you forget to appreciate and value the present. Appreciate that you woke up in the morning. That your heart is beating. That you're safe and well. That the sun is shining. That you didn't spill milk or toothpaste down you. That you have a life to lead. That you are you. That you're even here on this Earth to begin with. When we're walking through a pretty wood, and we need to take lots of photos of it for Instagram, instead of simply enjoying the beauty of the sight before us. When we're sitting in a lesson, being taught all this exciting new information, but we can't concentrate because we need to check our emails, check our inbox, check our Snapchat. When we're with our family, laughing and talking and singing, but we're also on the phone making plans for tomorrow, or flicking through our Instagram, Twitter, Facebook feed, and feeling inexplicably compelled to take an unnatural and sudden interest in the lives of other people. It just makes me feel so sad that this is what modern life has become, and none of us even realised it until it was too late.

Sometimes I don't know if it's just me being me, or whether we're somewhat conditioned into living our lives this way. If I could remove certain factors from my life, would I be happier? Would I live in the present? Would I think and process differently? Would I feel more confident and content? Would my mind finally learn how to be peaceful and quiet and relaxed? I don't even know. But the older I get, the more tempted I get to change the way I live my life. Change it for the better. I sometimes feel like my wellbeing depends on it. Especially as some of my experiences this summer have opened my eyes to the other ways I can live my life. Reminded me of what is really important. Helped me regain a focus and perspective I didn't even realise I'd lost. Truth be told, it's been quite a liberating and refreshing experience. And so, whilst I use my last few weeks of freedom to really think about these things, and I make a conscious effort to really make sure I'm living in the here and now, I thought I'd make a start by compiling a list that summarises my life as it is right now. What I'm thinking. What I'm enjoying. What I'm doing. What means a lot to me. In some ways, it's part snapshot of my life as it currently stands on its continuum, and in other ways, it's a note to self, and a reminder that although I might be feeling a little lost right now, I have everything I need to find my way back.

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LIFE IS...

001. Bingewatching Gilmore Girls on Netflix
002. THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF. NEED I SAY MORE
003. Patti Smith & her amazing bible of a book Just Kids, both of which have changed my life for the better
004. Stevie Nicks (how gorgeous is her voice when she sings Gypsy?)
005. Festivalling (my recent stint was at the fab Just So)
006. Volunteering at the Stroke Association
007. Shortbread biscuits (still)
008. Still loving camping, even when slugs try and join the partaay
009. Spending quality time with my family
010. Enjoying the bursts of sunshine and warmth
011. Drinking rosé in the garden in the rain
012. Living out of a suitcase
013. Making new, lovely, fabulous friends from all walks of life
014. Wearing flower crowns a la Lana del Rey
015. TRYING TO SOLVE PRETTY LITTLE LIARS AND DEAL WITH THE FEELS
016. Fangirling over Tavi Gevinson again in this Teen Vogue vid
017. Still trying to comprehend how my lil sis is moving to London in the next couple of weeks
018. Rediscovering the joy that is swimming in a swimming pool
019. Developing a taste for red wine (v.fancy eh)
020. Unintentionally playing outfit snap with my Nana
021. Thinking about my childhood, in particular around 2006, when I was age 10
022. Finding lots of new gems to put on the old ipod, especially those I used to love as a child but never knew the names of
023. Growing out my fringe and my hair in general, and trying to decide how to style it next
024. Old school Kanye (hello The College Dropout)
025. Swooning over all the gorgeous tulle and pleated skirts in Zara right now
026. Digging all the new swanky eateries in Derbados (eg. The Carnero Lounge or MEXIco)
027. Feeling very very proud to be British and very lucky to be living in this gorgeous, bonkers country
028. Thinking about and drawing possible tattoo designs
029. Lots of train rides
030. Feeling super excited for Freshers and excited about doing Korfball again (and finally mastering how to score goals)
031. Wondering what the future will be like and thinking about what I want from life and how I want to change the world
032. Talking Spanish with my Nana
033. Catching up with dear friends I haven't seen in a while
034. Getting my arm humped by a dog, oh the joys
035. Acquiring even more freckles on my face
036. Making mental lists about all the places I still want to visit in the UK
037. Practising being calm, happy, and keeping my perspective on life and what's most important
038. 60% freaking out about 3rd year, 40% excited to learn more new things and to actually prove myself
039. Inexplicably feeling like I'm on the right track
040. Laughing lots and lots and lots
041. Enjoying the simple pleasures in life
042. Trying to channel the brilliant Danish concept of hygge into my life
043. Embracing what appears to be a pull to the savoury side of life. So long, farewell troublesome sweet tooth of mine.
044. Learning to put my bloody phone down and stop going on bloody social media, or at least be responsible when using it
045. Giant hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream and a waterfall of marshmallows
046. Sitting on a bench by the sea and admiring the beautiful simplicity of the view
047. Appreciating my body and all the incredible things it does (this book, recommended to me by my Grandad and which we now both own, is just fabulous)
048. Remembering that what will be will be
049. Trying to find the time to watch Richard Linklater's Before Sunrise movie trilogy, after not managing to do so for the last four years
050. Reading up about Buddhism
051. Singing and dancing to happy music
052. Starting my new notebook
053. Branflakes. They're actually amazing.