You Are Good Enough

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH

You may or may not remember, but the other week I wrote a post called 'Not Feeling Good Enough'. In the post, I wrote about my continuing struggle with not feeling good enough, where I think that frustrating negative mindset originated from, and how my predisposition to not feel good enough has affected me my entire life. The reason why I wrote that post, was because I was coming to the end of my uni assignment, and just before submission I just had this wave of intense, gasp inducing, gut wrenching fear that I wasn't good enough. That what I had written wasn't good enough. That everything was about to go horrendously wrong. I'd messed everything up. I don't even know why I felt that way, and so strongly and intensely too. All my feelings and thought process just escalated to unparalleled heights in the space of five seconds. I completely lost control and perspective, and that nice old grounding feeling called rationale. All of it went completely out the window due to my intense overreaction, which in turn was caused by my tendency to feel like I'm just not good enough. I've experienced similar episodes before, every now and then, but after that particular time, I realised that I'd just had enough of it. I hated that I was doing that to myself. I wanted it to stop. I wanted things to change.

Writing that post for me was therapeutic. It was a way of untangling the mess, finding the root of the problem, exploring it, and then writing my way out of the problem and into a solution instead. Cancelling out the negative with a positive. It definitely did the job, and I often find that writing out my feelings, whether on here, on a random scrap of paper, a notebook, in my drawing book, normally helps me to clear my head and see things in a better, clearer, optimistic way. It also makes me feel better knowing that what I've written might in turn help somebody else in a similar position. But after I published that post, I couldn't stop thinking about that it. Part of me thought I had been way to honest and open, revealing depths of my soul and sides to the prism of who I am, that very few people know about. Simultaneously, part of me began thinking about what I'd written, and I couldn't help but remember all the other sides to the story. I looked at pictures from over the years, and even when I was really struggling with feeling good about myself, and it got really bad, even then there were still good things. Things to smile about. All throughout my life I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by love, true friends, a gorgeous family. I've done a lot of amazing things, and also a lot of really nice, simple but incredibly fulfilling things too. Life has been a bit of a turd to me in some ways, yes. I've had obstacles put in my way that took me an awfully long time to overcome. I've had some not so nice experiences. Likewise it took me a long time to realise what was important, to realise that I could make change happen, to realise that I didn't have to take all the bad things and think I deserved them, to realise that I could rise above anything and everything if I put my mind to it, and find my way out. But simultaneously, life has been an absolute babe to me too. And I think that part of me is still so used to focusing on the negatives, seeing black and white instead of technicolour, remembering the bad things, the struggles, the insecurities, that I easily forget to see the good. The other half of the coin. Everything that was going on in my life whilst I was so wrapped up in my own web of thought. There's always good things happening. Always. You are always good enough. Always. 

I guess what I mean to say is sometimes I think I see my life through something called 'tunnel vision', where you only see what you want to see, remember what you want to remember. Whether it's in the moment or in retrospective, something triggers that broad scope of perspective to rapidly shrink down and collapse in on itself, until I just can't see straight, can't see the obvious, can't make sense of what's going on, and most importantly, I can't see the whole picture. So when I wrote that post, I didn't feel like I was being completely honest with you dear readers. I felt like I was lying in a way. fabricating the truth, because you're only hearing one side to the story, and I've come to realise that things were never as bad as they seemed. Never. Life can be hard, and it's a struggle at times, but life can also be the babe of all babes, the paradise you always long to find, the source of immense happiness. Although the situations that happen occur at the hands of life, we always have the choice on whether to take the positive or the negative road after, and I almost always took the negative road, and I still do that even now. I think we all have a tendency to. Things get bad because we let them get bad. Why don't we start by taking the positive way out? Why don't we turn down the bad and turn up the good? After writing that post, I realised I didn't want to be the person that blames everyone and everything except themselves. I didn't want to focus on all the negatives, and ignore all those positives that were happening right alongside them. I didn't wan to focus on problems, not solutions. I didn't want to label a post 'Not Feeling Good Enough' when the very thing I've been trying to do the last few years, is just the opposite: feel good enough. 

Over the last couple of days I've encountered numerous people not believing they're good enough, not believing in themselves, some close to giving up. And that's what really prompted me to re-write this post with the emphasis on realising that you are good enough. It's horrible seeing someone in that state. It really touched a nerve with me. I don't want to see someone go through that. I don't want someone to be thinking those same negative thoughts that have crossed my mind. I want them to believe in themselves, take full advantage of that gift called perspective, see the bigger picture, love themselves, be proud of who they already are and what they're already capable of, and believe in what they could be in future. I want to give you solutions, I want you to walk away feeling different about things. I want you to feel good about yourself and your life, take the struggle with a pinch of salt, because hard times always pass. When you think and feel like you're overwhelmed by darkness, remember that all you need to do is turn on that bloody light and I promise that everything will be better almost instantly! Like I've said before, feeling good about myself is something that I'm still working on. I'm getting there slowly but surely. And I know that because if I stop to turn around and see how far I've come, I feel like an entirely different person to who I was before. I am not the same, and I love that, because it means that something happened along the way, and that was change, and that change had a name, and that name was me. I did that. I made all this possible.

So as promised, I said I'd give you solutions, focus on the positive, not the negatives. I've rambled on about change, and how I've been trying over the years to do things that in turn make me feel good enough, and now I'm going to show you just what those things are, because like I said just now, it all starts with change and it all starts with you. Don't let the bad times bring you down, turn your sass on, get out there, love yourself and just enjoy your life! And apologies again, for sounding like the lead character at the end of the film who voices over the ending scenes, telling the viewer what they've learnt and come to realise. It's a peculiar habit of mine.

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WORDS OF WISDOM

-Be kind to yourself.

-Don't regret anything you've done, use it as a lesson and use those lessons to help you in future. 

-Think positively and talk positively, so focus on the good things, use words like can, will, going to. 

-Do things that scare you and give yourself chances to escape that comfort zone and grow, develop, evolve.

-Strike up conversations and talk to people, get to know them, let them get to know you. 

-If you do some things different to everyone else, celebrate that, be proud of it, don't apologise for it.

-See the good in other people, it helps you recognise the good in yourself and get you into a better mindset.

-If you realise that you want to change, it's never too late and it's never impossible. Every coin has two sides, so find the opposite to what you're doing and start by using that as your solution. 

-Do things that make you feel good about yourself, happy, like you're making a positive difference. 

-Compliment what you admire in other people- they'll often do it back to you. 

-Believe that you deserve happiness, success, love and that you are worth something. 

-Think about what's good about you and always keep that in the forefront of your mind. 

-Don't dwell on all the things aren't so good, instead counteract it all by thinking about what you are good, all the things that are good about you and your life.

-Be happy and proud that you're you and be kind to the reflection staring back at you, even if you aren't perfect- people tend to gravitate towards people who are confident in who they are. 

-If you aren't good at something now, don't give up or bring yourself down because of it. You can be good, you just have to work a bit harder get there, and accept the help of others along the way. You will get there.

-If there's no-one telling you how awesome you are, tell yourself that. Every day.

-Don't let other people influence you, bring you down, poop all over your parade. Stay true to who you are, like who you are, and visualise that your heart is covered with what I like to call a shit proof shield, and let any mean words/ actions bounce right off, only using what might be of positive use to you. 

-Treat others how you'd want to be treated. Even if they don't treat you right, at least you know you're being the better person.

-Think of the future and where you want to be, then think about how you're going to get there and put those dreams into motion. 

-Do your best, and be proud of yourself for that. Sometimes it's all you can do. 

-Don't live your life striving for perfection, it's not going to happen, and anyway, admitting your're not perfect and laughing about that is actually quite liberating. 

-Live your life solely for you. Imagine you're the main character and this is the sitcom of your life. You make the rules, you live how you want to, and you enjoy it.

-Remember to look back often to see how far you've come.

-Don't rely on anyone else for your happiness, self-worth, self-esteem- although they may help, in order for those positive thoughts and differences to last, you have to be the one to keep that fire burning, and do that for yourself, give that gift of happiness and confidence to yourself. You deserve it!