Who You Are
Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out who you are.
You sit there amongst a group of friends and you feel like you aren’t really there at all.
So you speak when you can just so that they remember your presence.
Because you realise that you aren’t the kind of person to make an impact.
And anyway, a floundering self-confidence never did anyone any favours either.
And the two combined mean that you go about things in your own preferred way, weaving your way into the fabric of the lives that surround you in small ways that aren’t often immediately noticed but feel satisfying to you.
Where someone else makes a bang you make a whisper, and your voice is the one that’s lost.
But then again, you never were the one to make the immediate impact.
Throughout your life, you recall, you have never been sufficient at creating the explosion that is loud and consistent and intense and guaranteed the turning of heads.
But you do create the explosion that occurs further down the line; the one that lies dormant, slowly building a crescendo without a soul noticing until you explode into their consciousness out of nowhere and your status is suddenly upgraded to unforgettable.
And you have a way of weaving your way in and out of the lives you touch, adding something to them that is often taken for granted and overlooked and only assigned worth and gratitude when it is no longer present.
And that’s just the way it is.
It’s the way it always have been.
You go about your ways like a magician performs their elusive and mystical art.
No-one notices as you guide your life down exciting and diverse pathways, embarking on opportunities and acquiring more strings to your flourishing bow, because they’re too busy gazing in the opposite direction and capturing their fleeting attention is not something that troubles you so.
More often than not the only way people peek into the window of your life is by sheer luck on their part, because you’ve never been one to favour the billowing open door.
Meanwhile you enter their lives with a tiptoe that is always masked by bolder footsteps, and you strive to deposit a few drops of gold on your way through, in the hopes of adding a little happiness and warmth to the lives you touch.
Life in the shadows can be difficult.
And when you aren’t centre stage it’s hard to find your role, your purpose, your locality.
It’s hard to find your grounding, and to adjust the vivacity of your star so that it complies with the brightness of those that surround it.
But I suppose all you can do is strive to carry out the roles and pastimes that soothe and satisfy your soul, stay true and loyal to the person you feel yourself to be, understand that people are of different calibres and no two are alike even if that seems so.
Be happy in who you are and the things you do, and trust that this beautiful yet hesitant sailing boat you’re encapsulated within will soon moor to the dock on which you needed to land, and with that you will finally be orientated exactly where you’re meant to be.
And remember that although some stars may capture the eye with their tantalising sparkle initially, they are not the only type, for there are also stars whose light is just as strong and lucid and beautiful but instead of displaying it at full wattage steadily permit themselves to get brighter and brighter until their light is equivalent to the stars that encompass them.
So for now, though you might worry and self-critique till you have no more issues to scratch and bones to pick, do not fall into trap.
It isn’t worth it.
So love who you are.
Love everything inside and out.
All the flaws and all the perfections.
Because at the end of the day, that’s all you can really do.
You sit there amongst a group of friends and you feel like you aren’t really there at all.
So you speak when you can just so that they remember your presence.
Because you realise that you aren’t the kind of person to make an impact.
And anyway, a floundering self-confidence never did anyone any favours either.
And the two combined mean that you go about things in your own preferred way, weaving your way into the fabric of the lives that surround you in small ways that aren’t often immediately noticed but feel satisfying to you.
Where someone else makes a bang you make a whisper, and your voice is the one that’s lost.
But then again, you never were the one to make the immediate impact.
Throughout your life, you recall, you have never been sufficient at creating the explosion that is loud and consistent and intense and guaranteed the turning of heads.
But you do create the explosion that occurs further down the line; the one that lies dormant, slowly building a crescendo without a soul noticing until you explode into their consciousness out of nowhere and your status is suddenly upgraded to unforgettable.
And you have a way of weaving your way in and out of the lives you touch, adding something to them that is often taken for granted and overlooked and only assigned worth and gratitude when it is no longer present.
And that’s just the way it is.
It’s the way it always have been.
You go about your ways like a magician performs their elusive and mystical art.
No-one notices as you guide your life down exciting and diverse pathways, embarking on opportunities and acquiring more strings to your flourishing bow, because they’re too busy gazing in the opposite direction and capturing their fleeting attention is not something that troubles you so.
More often than not the only way people peek into the window of your life is by sheer luck on their part, because you’ve never been one to favour the billowing open door.
Meanwhile you enter their lives with a tiptoe that is always masked by bolder footsteps, and you strive to deposit a few drops of gold on your way through, in the hopes of adding a little happiness and warmth to the lives you touch.
Life in the shadows can be difficult.
And when you aren’t centre stage it’s hard to find your role, your purpose, your locality.
It’s hard to find your grounding, and to adjust the vivacity of your star so that it complies with the brightness of those that surround it.
But I suppose all you can do is strive to carry out the roles and pastimes that soothe and satisfy your soul, stay true and loyal to the person you feel yourself to be, understand that people are of different calibres and no two are alike even if that seems so.
Be happy in who you are and the things you do, and trust that this beautiful yet hesitant sailing boat you’re encapsulated within will soon moor to the dock on which you needed to land, and with that you will finally be orientated exactly where you’re meant to be.
And remember that although some stars may capture the eye with their tantalising sparkle initially, they are not the only type, for there are also stars whose light is just as strong and lucid and beautiful but instead of displaying it at full wattage steadily permit themselves to get brighter and brighter until their light is equivalent to the stars that encompass them.
So for now, though you might worry and self-critique till you have no more issues to scratch and bones to pick, do not fall into trap.
It isn’t worth it.
So love who you are.
Love everything inside and out.
All the flaws and all the perfections.
Because at the end of the day, that’s all you can really do.
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I wrote this a few weeks ago when I was in one of those self reflective moods and feeling a little bit pants. I'd just began to realise that up here at uni I'm often surrounded by some really big characters who are the kind of people who, if they're in the room, it's literally impossible for them to go unnoticed and ignored. They've just got that thing about them, and when I wrote this piece above I was beginning to realise that I really didn't. I can be like that, but generally I'm a much more muted version of those sorts of people. And sometimes I find myself feeling awful about being the way I am. I feel kind of hopeless, or that I need to change. So when I began writing this, I was a bit mopy, so I started by toying with how I felt and what I'd observed, and then I began to delve deeper with my words, thoughts and feelings. I began bouncing back and forth and whaddya know, I got deeper and deeper and my words went all poetic and this was the result. And by the end of it I felt an awful lot better about myself and who I am. I felt happy to be me, and I had basically brought myself back up to the surface and ready to keep on going. So that's why I'm sharing this with you. You may not be the same kind of person as me, but that doesn't really matter. The whole point of this post is that when you finish reading it, you feel good about who you are, happy in yourself, a little bit more positive, because you should never feel bad about being who you are. Ever.
You're wonderful, imperfections and all, and please don't you ever forget it.
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