BE FEARLESS
For near enough all my life I've been someone who is governed by fear. Since I was a little girl I always had this underlying fear of things, of people, of the unknown, of what might happen if I did or said something, no matter if it was right or wrong. If I was happy with the way things were, I didn't want to do something to askew the balance. If I wasn't happy meanwhile, or I had dreams regarding how to make my life even better, I didn't always feel I had the courage and fearlessness to change things or act upon those dreams. I'm not saying I lived in some peculiar state of paralysis, because of course I went out there and lived my life regardless, but these feelings were always underlying everything I did. This fear of the unknown, and what could happen after it had been greeted, has stayed with me even to this day. When I look back on my life, I see a lot of what-might-have-been's, those moments and things that I never carried through. I see a lot of instances of trying to please everybody (I'm your number one compulsive people pleaser) out of fear that I could lose them. I see a few missed chances and opportunities that I was too afraid to take, I see moments where I should have said or done something, moments where I wish I'd bit the bullet and graciously done the very thing I'd been afraid of doing... It goes on and on, but I learnt not to regret these things because it can drive you insane, so I try to be nice to myself and although I get frustrated at myself for letting fear govern me, I rise above it, cut myself some slack and think about how I'm going to change things in future. What's the issue this time and how am I going to overcome it, learn from it, grow into a better person, the person I'd like to be.
I'm sharing this little insight with you, because over the last few years I've steadily been getting better at overcoming my fears and acting fearlessly. I never thought I'd see the day, but they come, and they get more numerous, whilst the missed opportunities and 'wish I'd done that's decrease. It's still an ongoing process, because despite my assumptions that being a more fearless person can occur at the snap of a finger, the evolving that needs to occur in order to get to that place takes time. It doesn't happen overnight, and so you still see a string of regrets being produced, and you still throw your hands up in frustration from time to time, but the important thing is that despite that, those important changes really do happen. And they can be big things or little things, it doesn't really matter. All that does matter is when you're facing something that scares the crap out of you, you take a deep breath, look it in the eye, push that fear as far down as you can, remember that you can do this, that you can overcome this fear, and you go out there like a little soldier and bite that bullet. You'd be surprised at what you can actually achieve, and what can happen, when you do.
I've always hated the adrenaline surge that occurs in those milliseconds right before you conquer a fear, and although sometimes things still may not work out how you wanted them to, it's still the most incredible feeling to know you did it. That you did the very thing that scared you most, and what's even better is what can happen when things go right, and when doing the thing that scares you leads to wonderful and amazing results. As I sit here writing this I can think of so many things I've done or experienced over the last couple of years or so, that have only happened because I encouraged myself to be fearless. I got my first job, I partied the night away with lots of lovely Brazilians, I actually went to university, I've made so many new friends and met new people, I got my radio show, I set up my art and design shop and actually told people, I learnt how to dance, I did some amazing volunteer work, I finally found what I want to do with my life, I met someone special and although I lost them, it taught me so many things, and the plus side is that I know exactly what I'm looking for now. There's just so many things that only happened because I had the courage to make and let them happen.
So if you're reading this, and you can identify with what I've written, I want you to know that you are so amazing, and that you really do have the strength, courage and ability to be fearless, to do the things that scare you most, to make those changes, and make those dreams of yours a reality. You don't realise that you have such beautiful, strong courage embedded within you until you finally decide to use it, tap into it, and let it fuel you as you set about bettering your life. You might not believe me when I say these things, but you should because it's true. You can do it. I never thought I could call myself fearless, and I still have a little way to go, but if I'm not fearless then I'm definitely a lot more braver than I used to be. I used to be obsessed with Taylor Swift's 'Fearless' album when I was 15, and I thought I understood what fearless meat, but in retrospect I don't think I did. But I really think I do now, because when I look back, I realise I have those memories, actions, moments, where I know I was fearless right then and right there to confirm it, prove it. Things can change and it's amazing. So please just say yes, do the thing that scares you most, take the jump into the unknown, don't let things hold you back any longer that you have to, take your life into your hands and launch yourself like a glorious shooting star into the beautiful, mysterious unknown that awaits you.
<3
