IT ALL WORKS OUT IN THE END
Little by little, I'm starting to realise that I need to trust in life more.
Instinctively, I'm always expecting the worse to happen. I worry too much about things in the past, present, future. I come up with all these many, far fetched hypotheses as I try to anticipate the world and people around me. Almost like I'm trying to shotgun them, and predict them before they even happen. It seems to be my automatic way of making sense of the world. I can't wait and see, let things be. Instead I'll happily preoccupy myself with these lines of thinking, worry, anticipating, hypothesising. And somewhere along the way, I work myself up into unnecessary frenzies, which so far, have never yielded me any benefits.
In fact, all they ever seem to do is make me feel stressed, anxious, worried, sad, lost, alone, afraid.
I'm not sure how long I've been living my life in this way, but as I get older, I find I'm getting disillusioned with this way of thinking and living life. And I think that's mostly because I'm beginning to notice how, actually, everything works out in the end. Everything.
Even if it takes a few falls, setbacks, mistakes. Even if the direction of your life changes in ways you never expected. Even if you end up down a different road. Even if it takes a few compromises. Or maybe, just maybe, it just works out almost exactly how you expected it to.
Whatever the path you end up taking, the route to your destination and beyond, the outcome is never as bad as you expect it to be. Or as it seems to be. And if things are bad, then maybe it's not the end yet. It's just another checkpoint along the way to a greater goal, a greater place, a greater existence.
Lately I've become so attuned to how I think about things, because all the hypothesis' that I made lately, have turned out to be wrong. So wrong. The fears I had were unprecedented. And even if my hypothesis' had turned out to be right, there was no point worrying because they were never the end of the world. I'm strong enough to deal with the consequences.
What's more, the last few years have also taught me what really matters most to me in life. The things that will always make me feel happy. The things that are most important. I've gained perspective that I was lacking. And these two things together, combined with the realisation that everything works out in the end... they're starting to light up my mind. Change those circuits in my brain. Alert me to a new way of living my life. A new way of thinking.
I'm already surrounded by a fair few people who live life the way I wish I could.
People who trust in the powers that be and trust in themselves. Who let things take their course. Who don't get freaked out about everything. Who don't try to shoot the gun. Who truly, genuinely believe things will work out. These people inspire me so much, because they show me a different way of being. And I want to follow their lead.
Changing the way I think isn't easy, and this is going to take time. It requires conscious effort. I need to specifically tell my brain what it needs to hear, how it needs to respond, and why because otherwise my automatic response kicks in.
But I already know what a difference it can make, just by making those positive choices, those little changes, and I want to keep trying. I want to keep moving forwards. I want to keep growing. I want to give myself the tools I need to live this life of mine as happily and fully as possible. I'll do whatever it takes. And if it's sacrificing some of my control and cares, in return for trusting in life, and trusting in myself and others, then so be it.
Instinctively, I'm always expecting the worse to happen. I worry too much about things in the past, present, future. I come up with all these many, far fetched hypotheses as I try to anticipate the world and people around me. Almost like I'm trying to shotgun them, and predict them before they even happen. It seems to be my automatic way of making sense of the world. I can't wait and see, let things be. Instead I'll happily preoccupy myself with these lines of thinking, worry, anticipating, hypothesising. And somewhere along the way, I work myself up into unnecessary frenzies, which so far, have never yielded me any benefits.
In fact, all they ever seem to do is make me feel stressed, anxious, worried, sad, lost, alone, afraid.
I'm not sure how long I've been living my life in this way, but as I get older, I find I'm getting disillusioned with this way of thinking and living life. And I think that's mostly because I'm beginning to notice how, actually, everything works out in the end. Everything.
Even if it takes a few falls, setbacks, mistakes. Even if the direction of your life changes in ways you never expected. Even if you end up down a different road. Even if it takes a few compromises. Or maybe, just maybe, it just works out almost exactly how you expected it to.
Whatever the path you end up taking, the route to your destination and beyond, the outcome is never as bad as you expect it to be. Or as it seems to be. And if things are bad, then maybe it's not the end yet. It's just another checkpoint along the way to a greater goal, a greater place, a greater existence.
Lately I've become so attuned to how I think about things, because all the hypothesis' that I made lately, have turned out to be wrong. So wrong. The fears I had were unprecedented. And even if my hypothesis' had turned out to be right, there was no point worrying because they were never the end of the world. I'm strong enough to deal with the consequences.
What's more, the last few years have also taught me what really matters most to me in life. The things that will always make me feel happy. The things that are most important. I've gained perspective that I was lacking. And these two things together, combined with the realisation that everything works out in the end... they're starting to light up my mind. Change those circuits in my brain. Alert me to a new way of living my life. A new way of thinking.
I'm already surrounded by a fair few people who live life the way I wish I could.
People who trust in the powers that be and trust in themselves. Who let things take their course. Who don't get freaked out about everything. Who don't try to shoot the gun. Who truly, genuinely believe things will work out. These people inspire me so much, because they show me a different way of being. And I want to follow their lead.
Changing the way I think isn't easy, and this is going to take time. It requires conscious effort. I need to specifically tell my brain what it needs to hear, how it needs to respond, and why because otherwise my automatic response kicks in.
But I already know what a difference it can make, just by making those positive choices, those little changes, and I want to keep trying. I want to keep moving forwards. I want to keep growing. I want to give myself the tools I need to live this life of mine as happily and fully as possible. I'll do whatever it takes. And if it's sacrificing some of my control and cares, in return for trusting in life, and trusting in myself and others, then so be it.
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