Luck

LUCK

The other week, I bought my best friend a £20 gift card and sent it over for her 21st birthday. I wanted her to treat herself something special. My intent was to then take her out for dinner, cocktails, and give her opportunity to wear her new purchase. I was so excited to treat my friend, and celebrate her special birthday. But a few days later I found out that someone had opened the birthday card I'd sent her and taken the gift card. 

It really upset me at the time, partially because my period is due soon and it makes my hormones & emotions go a bit doo-laly, but also because I'm someone who intrinsically tries to believe in the goodness of people. I want to believe that people will do the right thing. I want to believe in someone's ability to be a decent human being. I want to give people a chance, the benefit of the doubt, before I judge and categorise them. But then something like that happens, and it's a harsh truth. A reminder that there are people out there who will do the wrong thing, against their better judgement. And that realisation hit me so strongly because I don't want to believe that people are bad. It's hard enough to hold on to your hope in people, as you get older and life gets harsher... 

And I guess for me, it was knowing that someone had deliberately opened my card, seen the pictures I'd lovingly included, the heartfelt letter, all those references to my friend's 21st birthday, and taken the gift card despite all that. As though it was theirs to take. I just couldn't believe someone would do that. Where is their consciousness, humanity, empathy? The blow was made worse because a few days earlier I discovered that my beloved camera of 8 years was broken, and hormonal Tasha thought this was the worst thing in the world ever. Just as she thought someone breaking into someone else's mail was the worst thing in the world ever. I guess you could say I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.

But later on, when I'd regained my emotional composure and rationality, I began to think things through again, but from a different perspective. I began to think about the person who had taken the gift card, and how I had judged them, been angry at them, thought ill of them. Now I'm not condemning stealing here, but as I was thinking, I wondered who this person might be. I didn't know enough to judge them for their actions. What might have driven them to steal the giftcard? What were their circumstances? What was their story? Maybe they wanted to treat a loved one. Maybe they rarely had the chance or money to buy themselves new clothes or treat themselves. Maybe they'd seen a really nice dress or top in that store and thought f**k it, I need that dress/ top/ etc, I'm taking this bloody gift card. Maybe it's their favourite store too. 

I don't know.

What I did know, however, was that holding onto the anger wasn't doing me any good. As my Mum put it bluntly on the phone, there was nothing I could do about it now. It had happened. A lesson had been learnt. Time to move on. So that's what I did. I thought of it as becoming a random act of kindness, and I hoped that the person would enjoy the gift card and buy something really nice. I also hoped that karma would work a little bit of magic. And anyhow, I knew I'd make the money back at work soon enough and be able to treat my friend again. And we're in a fortunate position to be able to treat each other to things like gift cards, meals, cocktails... Same with the camera. It was sad and annoying, but it wasn't the end of the world. My camera was old, I needed another one soon enough. And I've been lucky enough to have a camera, and to have had it alongside me for all these years. No point holding onto the negativity for any longer than I had too.

And after all this, I started thinking about the idea of luck. After my brushes with bad luck, I slipped into that 'woe is me' mindset rather quickly. Yet after a bit of sulky brooding, I thought about the good luck I've had recently. Apart from a few slip ups and iffy moments here and there, things haven't been too bad this year, and some really great things have happened to me, for which I am grateful. So I thought to myself, it's probably about time that I had my fair share of bad luck. 

And I thought back to last year, and the brushes I had with bad luck then and I knew that although they weren't great for various reasons (eg. having work colleagues walk in on me having a poo, does it really get better than that?), but they didn't go on to define my year. I refused to let them. If anything, I'm glad they happened because they humbled me, realigned me, strengthened me, and allowed me to fully appreciate the good things in my life. Oh, and remember to actually lock the toilet door too. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that bad luck happens to all of us. Every year, even in the best of years, we get bad moments, bad days, bad weeks, bad luck, make bad decisions. Whether it's within our control or not, what we can always guarantee, is that year after year, a big dollop of shite is going to land slap bang on our plate. That's the way it is. Luck is temperamental and elusive and a cheeky little madam. And I guess we just have to accept that and make peace with that. Besides, the magical tool we always have on our side, is how we deal with the bad luck when it happens. Kicking up a fuss, blasting out negativity, drowning and stagnating in self pity, well it won't get you anywhere really. You might even end up in a worse position. 

So see the positive side: What did that piece of bad luck teach you in the right here & now. What is it teaching you in the long run. What is going well in your life. What good luck have you experienced so far. What have you got be thankful for. Where does this fit into the grand scheme of things. What can you do to learn from the experience. What can you do to tweak the outcome into a positive, instead of a negative. 

The solutions aren't always obvious, and it's ok to brood for a little while and cry into your cup of tea and flop on something dramatically ad eat 5 consecutive packets of hobnobs. Just make sure you get back up on your high horse cowboy and carry on going. 

June Playlist

JUNE PLAYLIST

This last week dear readers, I've finally been struck with the notion that it is actually, finally summer. This special, glorious, sunshine and happiness filled season is once again upon us (whack out a cornetto and celebrate!) and it feels awesome. The official start of summer is still 3 days away, however I've already acquired sunburn, been swimming in the cool blue sea, getting sand stuck between my toes and just about everywhere else, developed a fine start to this year's foot tan, consumed many ice creams and cool drinks, had a BBQ in the rain (British summers never change) and started collecting yet more shells to add to my never ending shell collection. Life couldn't be better.

I always used to feel conflicted about summer when I was growing up. On the one hand I adored it. All those weeks of ice cream and playing outside and late summer nights and BBQs. Yet on the other hand, it always felt so long and boring and never ending. A way to bridge two academic years together. Oh and of course it's prime wasp season too. However as I've gotten older, I've come to view summer in a new way, and fully appreciate what an amazing season it actually is. When I think of summer now, I think of properly relaxing, adventure, camping, swimming, hanging out with all my favourite people, basking in the sunshine or laughing in the rain, exploring, travelling, the beach, that dozy content laziness, being happy, music, art, books, catching up on all the films and TV I've missed during the year, freedom. Even though autumn will always be my favourite season, summer is fast becoming my second favourite, and dare I say it, maybe even a contender for that prime number one season spot...

So to celebrate this spectacular season, I've put together a playlist with some cracking tunes to get the ball rolling. Most songs are new bangers, with some from amazing new artists like Samako, Fazerdaze, and LCD Soundsystem, and others by well established artists who've been off the grid for a few years, including Lorde, Arcade Fire, Haim and The Kooks. Hand on heart, I'm not lying dear readers, when I say that the musical goods on offer for us this summer are right corkers. We're in such a jammy position, absolutely spoilt for choice. This playlist could quite literally be endless.

So I hope you enjoy the 30 odd songs I've chosen, and I hope you have an absolutely magical summer dear readers. And remember to put suncream on your back. Turns out it's quite good at burning.

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001. EVERGREEN CASSETTE- GOLDSPOT
002. YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH A PSYCHO- KASABIAN
003. BE WHO YOU ARE- THE KOOKS
004. GIMME THE LIGHT- SEAN PAUL
005. DISCO 2000- PULP
006. SKINNY JEANS- ELIZA DOOLITTLE
007. I WAS BORN TO BE A COWBOY- CHARLIE FINK
008. BRAZIL- DECLAN MCKENNA
009. DESPACITO- LUIS FONSI FT. DADDY YANKEE
010. MISS YOU- GABRIELLE APLIN
011. WALLS- KINGS OF LEON
012. SUNDAY MORNING- FLO MORRISEY & MATTHEW E. WHITE
013. BAD LIAR- SELENA GOMEZ
014. BIG PICTURE- LONDON GRAMMAR
015. PARTY TATTOOS- DODIE CLARK
016. THE MAN- THE KILLERS
017. ME ENAMORE- SHAKIRA
018. HUMONGOUS- DECLAN MCKENNA
019. WONDERFUL WORLD- JAMES MORRISON
020. LUCKY GIRL- FAZERDAZE
021. FOR REAL- MALLRAT
022. FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD- TIDE LINES
023. EDGE OF TOWN- MIDDLE KIDS
024. LET'S BE YOUNG- PICTURE THIS
025. PERFECT PLACES- LORDE
026. RIGHT NOW- HAIM
027. EVERYTHING NOW- ARCADE FIRE
028. CREATURE COMFORTS- ARCADE FIRE
029. FEEL- BOMBAY BICYCLE CLUB
030. IN UNDERTOW- ALVVAYS
031. CALL THE POLICE- LCD SOUNDSYSTEM
032. SONGHOY BLUES- SAMAKO
033. DON'T MATTER NOW- GEORGE EZRA

Dear Manchester

DEAR MANCHESTER

I remember the very first time I saw you. Dad was driving us across Mancunian Way, through the heart of the city, and all these buildings were mirroring the sides of the road around us. You looked so futuristic, metropolitan, intriguing. I wanted to discover your secrets and magic. We had come to look at the university, to help me decide if you were the place where I wanted to spend the next four years of my life. Until that day, my only knowledge of Manchester was from Take That's Beautiful World album, a cherished part of my childhood, Manchester United football club, a team I used to pretend to support because it seemed cool at the time, and Coronation Street, because my Mum is a lifelong fan. I had no idea what to expect of the city I had only come to know through fragments here and there. Little did I know my connection to you, and the story we would write together, was only just beginning.

The next time I saw you, it was from a train high above, cutting through the city centre, making our way to Piccadilly. I remember seeing these buildings that were somewhat dilapidated, falling apart even, yet to me there was something so beautiful about that. I didn't see destruction, hopelessness, abandonment, tiredness, loss. Instead I saw stories, history, character, hope, wonder. And I knew that this was significant because my Mum, who was on the train with me, saw the former. She couldn't see your beauty. Much as she tried, she was blind to it. And that's when I started to realise that me and you Manchester, we might just have found a match in one another.

I remember taking the Magic Bus for the first time from Piccadilly Gardens, and we drove past these magnificent buildings both old and new. I was in awe. There were so many people too, and despite them being strangers, there was a sense of companionship amongst them. A sense of unity, if you will. It's hard to explain. I remember me and Mum trying to figure out where the MRI was on a map, because my university interview was on the road next to it. You seemed so big and confusing back then, when I didn't know you like the back of my hand. But a kind man sitting next to us overheard our conversation and told us when to get off the bus. That was the first time I experienced the kindness and warmth that so famously defines you and your people. 

Walking down that road to my interview, I had no idea that one day I would call that road home, and that I would spend most days of my life walking up and down it for one reason or another. And when I returned to you for my second interview, I again had no idea that you, Manchester, would be the next calling point on the road map of my life. All I knew, when I walked across the uni campus, and later when I walked through town to the train station, was that a part of me was longing to stay and be a part of you. I wanted to orchestrate and illustrate my life right in this mesmerising city. You felt so full of promise and magic and possibility and energy. I was captivated.

Over the last three years of my life, since starting university, I have come to know you so well. Manchester, you feel like a home to me now. The feeling I get when I see you on the horizon is unlike anything else I know. When the train pulls into Derby station, I feel nostalgic, and I think of the past. When the train pulls into Picadilly, or even Oxford Road, I feel excited, and I think of the future instead. To me you are my dream city. I am so in love with you. You are everything I ever dreamed for in one. That I ended up living out some of the best years of my life in Manchester is something I will appreciate with such gratitude for the rest of my days.

I have long stated this fact, but Manchester, you are truly the city that made me. Exploring your many roads, landmarks, districts and neighbourhoods has given me a passion for adventure and discovery and spontaneity. When I was lonely, lost, confused, sad, you always felt like a friend, a guiding hand, a companion. So many of my precious memories are contained within the backdrop of you. Nights out. Gigs. Dancing. Eating food. Going for drinks. Late night adventures. Early morning adventures. Sunny afternoons in the park. Coffee dates. Helping the community. Exploring. Laughter. Love. Friendship. You've always been at the heart of it all. You have led me to so many incredible people. You have helped me to grow and soar and keep moving forwards. You have shown me the possibilities that exist out there in the big wide world.You have educated me and carried me and given me so much fulfilment. You have shown me a new way of living. Your energy, beauty, grandeur, humility, modesty, kindness, compassion and love have helped me to become a better person. The kind of person I always hoped to be. The history, tales, culture and influence you possess continually inspire me. 

And as for your people... your people are some of the best, if not the best, I have ever known. Even the other night, when I went to a gig at the Etihad, I was reminded by how gorgeous, dazzling and vibrant the Mancunian spirit is. And I felt so lucky to be surrounded by these amazing people who love to laugh, sing, smile, chat to strangers, joke with police officers, swear, dress up to the nines, hold the hands of those they love so tightly, have the time of their lives whatever the day of the week, help others so selflessly, work so damn hard, protect their own as if their life depended on it, and live together as one united, unique, diverse, accepting and welcoming family. So lucky that I am continually exposed to such humanity, solidarity and love.

And I know that a couple of weeks ago, someone tried to break and hurt you and your people. They tried to create division, hatred and fear, through their inhumanity, selfishness, carelessness and brutality. They tried to puncture a hole in the very things that make Manchester so mighty, so strong, so unique, so admirable, so brilliant. They tried so hard, and used such barbaric means to do so. But they didn't succeed. Although so many precious lives were lost, as a city we found the hope, will, and strength to carry on. To ensure that only goodness and positivity led us forwards. When faced with hate, we responded with love. So much love. When faced with division, we chose unity and humanity. When faced with fear, we embraced fearlessness. 

Those couple of days were some of the worst many of us will ever know, and they will stay with us forever. But my god Manchester, those days also made me so indescribably proud to call you my home. To call your people my people. To be living my life in a city that embodies every value I ever believed in, and sets an example to the rest of the world of how we can peacefully live together as one. To be a part of your story and your history. To be a part of the life, energy and hope that will heal your wounds and continue to drive you forwards into a better tomorrow. To be able to help you rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes. Manchester, my dear, dear, home, you are phenomenal. I will love you always.