Luck

LUCK

The other week, I bought my best friend a £20 gift card and sent it over for her 21st birthday. I wanted her to treat herself something special. My intent was to then take her out for dinner, cocktails, and give her opportunity to wear her new purchase. I was so excited to treat my friend, and celebrate her special birthday. But a few days later I found out that someone had opened the birthday card I'd sent her and taken the gift card. 

It really upset me at the time, partially because my period is due soon and it makes my hormones & emotions go a bit doo-laly, but also because I'm someone who intrinsically tries to believe in the goodness of people. I want to believe that people will do the right thing. I want to believe in someone's ability to be a decent human being. I want to give people a chance, the benefit of the doubt, before I judge and categorise them. But then something like that happens, and it's a harsh truth. A reminder that there are people out there who will do the wrong thing, against their better judgement. And that realisation hit me so strongly because I don't want to believe that people are bad. It's hard enough to hold on to your hope in people, as you get older and life gets harsher... 

And I guess for me, it was knowing that someone had deliberately opened my card, seen the pictures I'd lovingly included, the heartfelt letter, all those references to my friend's 21st birthday, and taken the gift card despite all that. As though it was theirs to take. I just couldn't believe someone would do that. Where is their consciousness, humanity, empathy? The blow was made worse because a few days earlier I discovered that my beloved camera of 8 years was broken, and hormonal Tasha thought this was the worst thing in the world ever. Just as she thought someone breaking into someone else's mail was the worst thing in the world ever. I guess you could say I was feeling a bit sorry for myself.

But later on, when I'd regained my emotional composure and rationality, I began to think things through again, but from a different perspective. I began to think about the person who had taken the gift card, and how I had judged them, been angry at them, thought ill of them. Now I'm not condemning stealing here, but as I was thinking, I wondered who this person might be. I didn't know enough to judge them for their actions. What might have driven them to steal the giftcard? What were their circumstances? What was their story? Maybe they wanted to treat a loved one. Maybe they rarely had the chance or money to buy themselves new clothes or treat themselves. Maybe they'd seen a really nice dress or top in that store and thought f**k it, I need that dress/ top/ etc, I'm taking this bloody gift card. Maybe it's their favourite store too. 

I don't know.

What I did know, however, was that holding onto the anger wasn't doing me any good. As my Mum put it bluntly on the phone, there was nothing I could do about it now. It had happened. A lesson had been learnt. Time to move on. So that's what I did. I thought of it as becoming a random act of kindness, and I hoped that the person would enjoy the gift card and buy something really nice. I also hoped that karma would work a little bit of magic. And anyhow, I knew I'd make the money back at work soon enough and be able to treat my friend again. And we're in a fortunate position to be able to treat each other to things like gift cards, meals, cocktails... Same with the camera. It was sad and annoying, but it wasn't the end of the world. My camera was old, I needed another one soon enough. And I've been lucky enough to have a camera, and to have had it alongside me for all these years. No point holding onto the negativity for any longer than I had too.

And after all this, I started thinking about the idea of luck. After my brushes with bad luck, I slipped into that 'woe is me' mindset rather quickly. Yet after a bit of sulky brooding, I thought about the good luck I've had recently. Apart from a few slip ups and iffy moments here and there, things haven't been too bad this year, and some really great things have happened to me, for which I am grateful. So I thought to myself, it's probably about time that I had my fair share of bad luck. 

And I thought back to last year, and the brushes I had with bad luck then and I knew that although they weren't great for various reasons (eg. having work colleagues walk in on me having a poo, does it really get better than that?), but they didn't go on to define my year. I refused to let them. If anything, I'm glad they happened because they humbled me, realigned me, strengthened me, and allowed me to fully appreciate the good things in my life. Oh, and remember to actually lock the toilet door too. 

So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that bad luck happens to all of us. Every year, even in the best of years, we get bad moments, bad days, bad weeks, bad luck, make bad decisions. Whether it's within our control or not, what we can always guarantee, is that year after year, a big dollop of shite is going to land slap bang on our plate. That's the way it is. Luck is temperamental and elusive and a cheeky little madam. And I guess we just have to accept that and make peace with that. Besides, the magical tool we always have on our side, is how we deal with the bad luck when it happens. Kicking up a fuss, blasting out negativity, drowning and stagnating in self pity, well it won't get you anywhere really. You might even end up in a worse position. 

So see the positive side: What did that piece of bad luck teach you in the right here & now. What is it teaching you in the long run. What is going well in your life. What good luck have you experienced so far. What have you got be thankful for. Where does this fit into the grand scheme of things. What can you do to learn from the experience. What can you do to tweak the outcome into a positive, instead of a negative. 

The solutions aren't always obvious, and it's ok to brood for a little while and cry into your cup of tea and flop on something dramatically ad eat 5 consecutive packets of hobnobs. Just make sure you get back up on your high horse cowboy and carry on going.