-Loving life, drinking our chocolate milk in Copenhagen, July 2015-
CHEERS TO 2015
Hello dear readers. I hope you're all fine and dandy today on this beautiful News Years Eve. I don't know about where you are, but here in Derby, Derbyshire, middle of the UK, furthest from the sea, the god-awful rain and wind have finally, finally stopped. We be ending the year with sunshine and blue skies over here in the East Midlands, and I hope it's the same for you, wherever you may be. Now it comes as no massive surprise that with me being a somewhat reflective, inquisitive, introspective, optimistic and incessantly grateful individual (I am forever thanking people, life, myself, fate for all the good things in my life, in a Mary Mary 'I just wanna praise you, I just wanna praise you' kind of fashion), I wanted to write one of those deep, meaningful posts to celebrate and say goodbye to this last year. No, actually, I lie, there was no 'want' about it. It was inevitably going to happen, and I'm sure that if you've been kind enough to read Moustashie for any significant length of time, you will know that me not writing one of these posts... well as Skepta would say, 'that's not me'. So hold tight, here we go, I'm lifting up the emotional barricades.
2015... I don't even know where to begin. To be precise, I have been very, very happy and grateful with my lot the last three years of my life. Now that total has risen to four. These last four years of my life have been a big ass rollercoaster of discovery in more ways than one. 2012 began with me in my last year of school, still unsure what to do with my life, where I would go, doing my GCSE's, in the midst of a rather negative mindset, which left me feeling down quite a lot of the time, and also on the cusp of what I now realise to be the beginning of all this change. That was when the shackles of who I was (sorry, I seem to be on a Mary Mary thing today), were starting to loosen, the world was starting to spin at an increasingly faster rate, and I could just feel this sense of change looming on the horizon. Now fast forward to 2015, and everything has changed beyond my wildest dreams. In between then and now I got my GCSE results, went to college, decided what to do with my life and where I wanted to go, applied to university and did all the interviews, passed all my A Levels and did kind of alright, started university, passed my first year of university. And that's not to mention all the other amazing things that happened along the way too, things that I will never, ever forget for as long as I live. Now I'm in my second year of university, studying a course I love increasingly more as time passes by, in a city I absolutely adore, surrounded by amazing people, doing lots of things I love, I know who I am completely, and I'm the happiest I have ever, ever been.When 2012 began, I was tired with the way things were and always had been. I had this hunger for more. I was tired with just existing. I wanted to live and hopefully find myself in the process. That gorgeous youthful optimism, where you feel like you can take on the world, the galaxies, the universe. That was what fuelled me. And now, when I think back over these last few years of my life, and try to pinpoint just why I consider them to be so special, why I felt so damn content and grateful at the end of them, the only reason I can think of, is that's it's all because of one thing: I finally got out there and with a bit of help along the way, I bloody lived and worked for the very life that I wanted to lead.
So what relevance does all the rambling have to 2015? Well I guess it's because as 2015 draws to a close, I get the most distinct feeling that that revolutionary, so very important process of change, spanning four years filled with amazing memories, people. experiences, places, stepping stones, adventures, a multitude of highs and lows, a magical whirlwind of excitement and possibility, has finally come to an end, or more like it's the beginning of the end. The revolutionising is almost complete. Maybe it's because at 19, I'm living out the last of my formative teenage years. Maybe it's because my twenties loom increasingly closer on the horizon (but lets not think of that right now...). Maybe it's because I've reached the exact place where I'm meant to be, and there's no more I can do right now. Either way, there's only a few more loose ends left to tie up, and the sheer difference between who I was then, and who I am now is to me just remarkable. I haven't necessarily lost who I was, it's more like I've changed who I am for the better, and discovered a whole lot more about myself too. For me, 2015 is a year that not only cemented that change, and added a few more into the mix, but it's also the year I believe I finally, truly came into my own, and could 100% hold up my hand and say I really am very happy right now. I never expected to reach this place four years ago, yet somehow I made it. 2015 hasn't been that extraordinary, in comparison to other years, in fact it's been quite mediocre yet I've honestly enjoyed every single last minute of it. I've never felt so happy, so grateful, so excited to be alive. I've loved the last four years of my life more than I could possibly express to you with words, but 2015 is definitely the special one. The one I will hold the most dearly to my heart. It's the only year I've actually full out documented in various ways, because I knew at the very start that I never wanted to forget this time in my life. It's the only year that every memory seems to be tinged with this magic and added life, so every time I reel those memories like a film in my mind, I get this feeling larger than life itself. It's the only year I've found myself feeling continually grateful for everything that happens to me. And everything, all of it, every last bit, it's all been bloody wonderful. Life happened in all it's perfection and imperfection, all the ups and downs, the to and fro, and I still can't help but be left with the continued realisation that I AM SO DAMN HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes I wonder if and when all this 'luvin lyf 2k12, 2k13, 2k14, 2k15' fandango will come to and end, because it's only a snapshot of my life right now, an added signpost and marker on a journey that I hope will last for many more years to come. Things won't stay this way forever. In the future there will be times when things won't feel this good, when I probably won't feel this happy, when I might not be as content, when I might lose touch with who I am all over again. I'm probably going to change some more, as will my life. Ten years from now, I imagine a post like this would look and read very differently to the way it does today. Sometimes, I feel like I've been almost too lucky the last four years. I've gotten away with something I shouldn't have. Surely I can't feel this way after yet another year. I'm aware there might be a looming down to counteract this continued upwards trajectory. And yet, simultaneously, part of me doesn't feel like that's the case. Although I have finished the last four years very happy indeed, and I have increasingly been loving my life more and more, and I've gained a hell of a lot, been incredibly lucky in more ways than one, I, just like you, have had those crappy moments too. Some worse than others. Life hasn't always been kind to me. If my life was a school dinner tray, and fate the dinner lady, I still get those nasty brussel sprouts and lumpy custard, alongside that nice sticky toffee pudding and roast dinner. I haven't got off scot-free.
So I don't know. Maybe I've got it all wrong. Maybe it's not that my life has gotten increasingly better, and the gods of fate have designated me a favourite. Maybe the reason why I've loved the last four years of my life so much, and why I feel so happy and lucky to be alive, is because over the last four years, I learnt how to do the following things: become the instigator of my own happiness, make decisions that I knew would change me or my life in some way, do things that scare me, saying yes, love who I am (warts and all), appreciate the fact that I'm alive on a daily basis, be thankful for the good things that do happen to me, enjoy the good and learn from the bad, think positively, see the silver lining in everything, remember everything happens for a reason, consciously choosing to be happy and doing more of what makes me happy, becoming a nicer person, enjoy the little things (of which there are many, if you take the time to look).
Maybe it's not that life has been nicer to me the last four years. Maybe it's that I've been nicer to myself. Maybe it's not life and fate that has been changing me, but me who's been changing my life, and therefore myself in the process. And 2015 is the year that I've finally realised that. Finally learnt the secret to my own happiness, or at least for now. So to celebrate this gorgeous, wonderful, amazing, bad ass, kick ass, beautiful, perfectly imperfect year, I'd like to end by sharing with you some of the best things, dear readers. And I truly, truly hope that 2015 was an amazing year for you, and whether that was or wasn't the case, I wish you a very happy 2016.
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-MY BEST BITS-
Cheese fest. Turning 19. Going to London a few times. Watching Billy Elliott. Seeing a Yayoi Kusama art installation with my own two eyes. Discovering lots of amazing new music. Discovering Fleetwood Mac. Discovering Elvis. Going to Copenhagen, my version of heaven on earth. Going to Sweden for the day. Learning how to spell Sweden properly. Celebrating Stromae's birthday. Going to Pangaea Festival twice. Going to Blackpool for the first time. Our little family holiday to Wales. Our family meet up in Ross on Wye. Moving into my first ever house. Living with my friends. My beautiful first year flamily (flat 68 represent). Discovering the library in town. Doing my radio show. Seeing my Bluboca store do well. Finally confronting the past and moving on from it. Forgiving. Starting anew. Failing my driving test (for what it taught me). Passing my driving test. Getting my driving license. Reconnecting with old friends. Getting Spotify. Discovering 10 Things I Like About You. Watching Spectre. Doing my two course placements and passing them. Being surrounded by the best friends ever in the world ever. Being surrounded by the best family in the world ever. Keeping up with my running and actually really enjoying it. Getting fitter and healthier. Actually really liking my body for the first time. Passing my first year of uni. Learning how to make soup and shortbread. Helping to do up an old building at uni. Volunteering with the Stroke Association some more. Learning more about the Chinese culture. Doing my first one to one volunteering sessions. Doing work experience at a school nearby. Making Christmas dinner for the first time with my friends. Celebrating Mum's 50th Birthday. Going to Sketch, London. Cutting my hair shorter and giving myself a fringe. Buying my first two lipsticks. Working the christmas parties. Talking to lots of new people. Achieving the position of social secretary for the UoM Blog Society. Organising social events and bringing people together. Seeing Chesney from Coronation Street at the station. Finally understanding how uni actually works. Helping out at Freshers Fair (felt just like Pitch Perfect!). Seeing my sister do so well with her stage management dreams. Still keeping in contact with my Spanish penpal. Watching the amaing Memphis in London. The big family reunion we had in April. Read so many good books. Repeatedly going to Kebab King.
Going out in Manchester. Going out in Notts. Watching Kodaline twice. Watching the insane The War On Drugs. Trying out Korfball. Going to my first house party, and a few more after that. Making an amazing new friend at a house party, who is basically my twin. That day we went to watch 50 Shades of Grey. That day we went shopping in Manchester. When I won two games of pool consecutively. Learning how to bleach a toilet. Discovering the joys of peanut butter and mushrooms and wine. Getting my new phone (adiós Nokia brick). Getting Instagram back. Taking part in Sketch-o-matic at HOME MCR. Running 9k for the first time. Taking part in our Flat Quiz. Going dancing at The Ram. My best and oldest friend coming all the way from Portsmouth to Manchester to take me home for Christmas. Forgetting my purse and having to go back to Manchester to get it the next day.Pub Quiz at Squirrels. Brownie & film nights. Frisbee in the park. Dad had another seizure but thankfully has been okay since! Discovering First Dates. Going on what I believe was a date, for the first time. Giving my number to a boy for the first time. Asking a boy if he wanted to meet up, for the first time. Discovering the gifs on facebook. House karaoke night. Day trips to Liverpool. Having my sister come stay with me in Manchester. Manchester Christmas Markets. Becoming a peer mentor. Discovering £1 cookies at Sainsburys. Going walking for the day with my friends in Derbyshire. When everyone went out in Derby for my friend's 18th. Seeing Moustashie turn one. Seeing Moustashie get over 20,000 views! Getting my waffle maker for Christmas. Discovered the amazingness of Audrey Hepburn & Gregory Peck in 'A Roman Holiday'. Roadtrips with my dad. Dad taking me to the pubs in Derby. Mum being an absolute angel, always there for me. SLT Summer Ball. A fun night we had in China town. Eating in lots of nice places in Manchester. Discovering Castlefield. Seeing my drawing get better. Re-discovering the joys of photography. Going to Meadowhall with my best friends & singing in the car on the way home. Me & my friends getting to share this amazing time of our lives together. Getting my Modern Family boxset. Finding my perfect coat. Having my friends round for tea at my house, and going round to theirs. My two best guy friends and I calling ourselves Dandruff, Jizz and Gash and having it stick. Laughing lots and lots and lots and lots. Learning how to talk clearer and better.When my friend came to stay for her birthday and we lost her in Manchester city centre. Spending time in Devon.
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