Pirelli Calender, 2016

Patti Smith, November

PIRELLI CALENDER, 2016

The iconic Pirelli calender. Every year its creation, symbolising the impending start of yet another year (life why must you go so fast?!), garners widespread media attention from the masses. Normally noted for its featuring of extremely beautiful and extremely glamorous supermodels, with equally amazing bodies to match, this year Italian auto-mobile manufacturer Pirelli, has taken a somewhat different approach. Instead of each month displaying a scantily clad woman who has seemingly won every gene lottery going, Pirelli has decided to use their calender as a showcase of real women. Inspiring women. And what I mean by that, is instead of showcasing the amazing physical attributes of women, they have instead chosen to focus on something equally amazing, if not more so: the woman herself in all her glory and imperfection. The person within. Admittedly it doesn't quite make sense for Pirelli to go down the whole feminist route for their calender, after all, they are an auto-mobile manufacturer, though I for one am definitely not complaining. You have to admire and applaud an entity with such strong media influence, such as Pirelli, for using its influence so positively and constructively. What a fabulous message to transmit. An all female calender with the women actually wearing clothes. Amazing. Though it seems almost absurd in this day and age, even to myself as a young woman. I imagine that some men are probably gagging at the sight of a woman actually wearing clothes on a calender. But I guess it just goes to show how desensitised we as a society, to the notion of women being portrayed in that very intimate and revealing way, and it's probably about time that as women we wrestled that control back. Yes us girls should flaunt our bodies, they're fabulous after all, but we should definitely be flaunting everything else we have going for us too!

So for this rather monumental 43rd calendar ushering in 2016, Pirelli teamed up with esteemed and rather legendary photographer Annie Leibovitz to photograph thirteen of the world's most inspirational women. Key female figures absolutely smashing it when it comes to girl power. Female icons that are out there right now, actively doing their thing for girlkind. Female icons that both genders can look up to and both genders should respect. The criteria was simply that the woman had to be of outstanding professional, social, cultural, sporting or artistic accomplishment. Naturally the selecting of these thirteen women was therefore a somewhat difficult task, as like I previously mentioned, girl power is on fire right now. But they managed it somehow of course, with the chosen models including incredibly funny comedienne Amy Schumer, my all time female inspirations Tavi Gevinson and Patti Smith, tennis superstar Serena Williams and Russian supermodel and charity worker Natalia Vodianova. All these amazing, brilliant, fantastic women, photographed so stunningly in striking monochrome, by the equally inspiring Annie Leibovitz. A beautifully honest phogography collection and a symbolic representation of the flaming juggernaut that is girlkind, continually firing away and picking up speed, soaring to new heights females could only dream of a century ago. Never before have I felt so proud and excited to be a woman, and more so when I see these photographs from Pirelli of so many incredible, inspiring women. It may be one small step for girls, but it's one humongous step for girlkind. Pirelli, you done good. 

www.pirelli.com

INSPIRE AWAY...

001. Foreword Yao Chen

002. March Agnes Lund & Sadie Rain Hope Gund

003. April Serena Williams

004. August Tavi Gevinson

005. December Amy Schumer

Why I Love The Programme 'First Dates'

WHY I LOVE THE PROGRAMME 'FIRST DATES'

Do you watch the infamous Channel 4 programme First Dates? On Thursdays at 10pm? If you do, I hope you love it as much as I do, and if you don't, please go and watch it right now. It'll restore your faith in humanity. Trust me. I only discovered it very recently, ie. in the last month or so, and I don't even remember how either. I'd heard about it on Scott Mills' show on Radio One, but aside from that, no-one I knew really watched it or had spoken about it, so I kind of just remained oblivious to this amazing TV gold being broadcast yearly on TV without my knowing. Set in a fancy restaurant in London, near St Paul's Cathedral, every episode four or five people go on blind dates, having been  matched by TV producers according to certain criteria. The whole thing is filmed on camera, and supplemented by one to one interviews with each person throughout, where you get to find out more about them and their experiences with love. Its just the best thing ever. I love it. I adore it. Every time I finish watching an episode I'm fist pumping the air with happiness, I can't stop smiling. I feel like Tom in 500 Days of Summer when he's dancing down the street to the sound of You Make My Dreams Come True, by Hall and Oates. It restores my faith in love, people, life, fate, the works, And apparently it's on its fourth series now, which makes me wonder what I've been doing the last four years of my life, having only just discovered it now, because I'm not lying when I say this, First Dates has literally changed my life. Or make that is changing my life, because it's an ongoing thing, you see. This programme is exactly what I didn't realise I needed. It's part of the antidote to a problem I didn't realise I even had till now, and so with that, let me explain to you why.

Lovely readers of mine, I must confess to you something about myself: I have never ever been on a date before. Out of my entire nineteen years on this planet, me and a boy have never gone somewhere together, just the two of us, as part of a romantic engagement (thank you Google for the definition). And if we're going along with the whole, something you didn't know about me thing, I guess it isn't much of an added surprise if I were to tell you that I've also never had a boyfriend before, nor have I had sex. Being able to say all those things still at the age of nineteen, is something that my younger self never imagined, and honestly there are times when I really do feel like some strange anomaly. When I was growing up and progressing through my adolescence, I never really paid that much attention to what everyone else was doing. I was too content doing my own thing. As did I assume that I was generally acting on the same wavelength as everyone else my age. Surely we must all be doing the same kind of thing. But one day, it was like I just stopped and took a proper look around me, only to realise that I had seemingly strayed vastly off course from everybody else. My trajectory had propelled in a completely different direction to most people I knew. The path I had unknowingly chosen, was advancing further and further away, leading me to a very different territory. It felt like there was this fast track train to adulthood that no-one sent me a memo about, and everyone else had boarded it whilst I had missed the final boarding call because I was too busy in the train shop, deciding whether to buy Maltesers or a Mars bar.

With regards to the rather problematic subject of love, I feel like I've had to carve out my own path because that train I should've boarded, that path I should've taken, those milestones and tick boxes I should've completed by now, are long since gone. I'm so overdue, so atypical, so far behind everyone else that there was and is absolutely no point in me even trying to catch up. I'd be learning the rules to a game that's already been played. I missed all the self imposed deadlines, which in a way is kind of refreshing because due to my abnormal status, people normally just leave me to get on with my own thing and do things my own way. They seem to recognise that I've done things differently, that I've ended up on a different path to them, and leave me to it, and interestingly enough, much to my surprise, I've never actually suffered any peer pressure or goading either. Everyone I've ever admitted these things to, the whole not going on a date-having a boyfriend-having sex thing, has surprisingly been very accepting of it all. And so it appears to be that I'm the one who actually has the problem with it all, the fear of how my decisions, which I'm 100% proud of, don't get me wrong, might be received. Likewise, it would also appear that I'm the one who is holding myself back when it comes to love, as am I the one who is making things rather hard for myself.

I completely accept the fact that I am the one responsible for the predicament that I'm in now. I didn't want to cave in to peer pressure, or more like I was so distanced from what my peers was doing that there never could have been any peer pressure. I wasn't brave enough to act on any feelings I had. I had too strong a sense of what I needed or what I was looking for, and I couldn't give in to anything that I felt was less than that. I didn't love or trust anyone enough to take things further, likewise I never felt totally comfortable around most people either. I wasn't confident enough to take things further, and the one time I did try, it didn't even work out. I never seemed to meet the right people, or I always fell for the wrong ones. I was scared that if things did progress, I would make a right tit out of myself because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I didn't feel old enough for real, true love. I wasn't ready to take it seriously. Meeting new people scared me. Going on dates scared me. Having an actual boyfriend scared me. And anything beyond that didn't even bare thinking about, if I couldn't even handle the very first step of any potential relationship: going on a date.

I don't know why, but as much as I adore the notion of love, having a boyfriend, cute first dates and all that, and I really do want all of that for myself at some point, at the same time it all just proper freaks me out. Really gives me the heeby jeebies. I think that because I've waited so long, always found an excuse not to jump into the deep end, except for the one time when I was seemingly pushed in before I even had a chance to protest (and again I maintain that that was probably one of the most important things to ever happen to me), I've learnt to become afraid of it all. All those things, they're things that always happened to other people. Never to me. Those kind of things always belonged in the lives of other people. Never mine. For me it was always the stuff of dreams. Never my reality. I was the wallflower sitting and waiting, watching the world go by and dreaming wistfully whilst never actually doing anything to make those dreams come true. I didn't want to catch that train to adulthood that everyone else did, and I'm glad that I missed it because I just wasn't ready, but sometimes I do wish I'd thrown caution to the wind sooner and just got on with things already. It would certainly make it a lot easier for myself now. For now I am nineteen years old and my feelings scare the crap out of me. I hate the feeling of new beginnings or possibility, because it means I'm back to confronting those hidden fears all over again. The chance to confront them has come around again, and I often jeopardise things intentionally to avoid having to deal with that ongoing fear. I run away. I very rarely take a stab at dealing with things once and for all.

People asking me out on dates makes me want to run a mile. Everything about dates scares me. When guys message me, I have no idea what I'm doing and I often don't know how to deal with talking to someone consistently, when I'm so used to doing my own thing and not having to tell people about my life. I always ask people about them, because I love finding out about other people, but when the roles reverse I don't like them finding out about me. I close myself off. I love the idea of love, I meet people I actually want to go on a date with, I sometimes have days where I wish I had that other person in my life, but converting those dreams into reality is where I fall short every time. And though being single is something I equally adore, and I know, I know that it has been a crucial part of me finally coming into my own. It's helped me to become a person I not only love and am so happy with, but who I am also very proud of, the person I always wanted to be, but on the converse, it's been the perfect excuse to hide away from everything I'm too scared to confront. I'm so used to being that forever alone person, it's almost like a comfort blanket to me. It's what I identify with, it's my thing, being 60 years old and living with a bunch of cats and maybe a budgie or two for good measure. And as much as I realise that I love being single, I've also realised recently that it's limiting me. Really badly too. I keep myself stuck in that position because it's what I know best, it's what I'm comfortable with, and life is easier that way. I'm very, very independent. Maybe too independent now. So much so that I struggle with letting anyone else in. I don't know how to, nor would I know what to do, if ever I should let that happen. The thought of it all makes me feel so out of my depth. I hate it. I want to be someone who rides the waves of life freely and easily. I don't want this anymore.

Recently I've begun to realise that there's a massive disjoint between who I am now as a person, and my love life. If you were to join up all the dots that make me who I am now, all the different domains of my life, they'd be really high on that chart. I'm the best I've ever been. But when you get to love, that line would just plummet right down. It simply doesn't match with who I am anymore. With me being the way I am now, feeling the way I do, I shouldn't still be having these same old issues with love. The response I have to it doesn't correlate. It doesn't make sense. It's my weak spot, and I conceal it from myself and others very well. But like I said, I just don't want this anymore. I'm tired of it. Which is why discovering First Dates was something of an epiphany to me. It's like a first hand education in the operation and workings of love, and like the curious child who had a right tantrum, but then can't help themselves from peering between their hands, the door, the barrier they're hiding behind, I can't help but keep coming back for more. The curiosity bug has bitten well and truly. I discovered this programme by accident, a programme that essentially is an hour full of one of the very things that scares me most: dating, and initially I didn't want to watch it because I mean, come on, how awkward would that be, watching strangers going on a first date together. Nah mate, got better things to do with my time innit. But for some reason it hooked me from the very start. The intrigue I had was astounding. I wanted to know more. I wanted to find out what happened. I wanted to see what it was like. Maybe I should just stick around and watch till the end of the programme, just this once... and then what do you know, I'm completely hooked on the damn thing.

Yes there are awkward dates that happen, but you know what, it's actually kind of funny. It's a good story to tell at the end of the day. Plus you often get some nice experience out of it too. Then there are the dates that go so ridiculously well you're basking in the sofa in a daze of pure joy, because these two people have found each other somehow, and the credits after says they're still together. Cue another fist pump in the air moment. There are the dates where people are very resistant to one another, how could I have been paired with them, and yet as the date progresses, it becomes apparent that actually they're very well suited to one another. Each person is exactly what the other needs. Another fist pump occurs. This rich diversity of people come through the doors, different ages, genders, occupations, nationalities, heritages, beliefs, and I can't describe to you my relief when people my own age or slightly older have come onto the show, and their predicament has been exactly the same as mine. It's proof to myself that I am not alone. It is okay. If they can do it, then surely so can I. I love the interviews with all the people before and after the date. I love finding out all about them, their experiences with love, finding out their weaknesses. It makes you realise the value in every person. You realise how loveable people can be, when really, all that anyone wants most of all is to love and be loved.

I love seeing what happens when you bring different people together, I love watching how two people behave when they evidently like each other, likewise I love seeing how people handle it when they realise that it unfortunately isn't going to work. It makes me realise that whatever happens, it's okay, you can deal with it. Ask to be friends, or just thank them for a lovely evening, or if worse comes to worse climb out the bathroom window. It's never a waste getting to know another person, even if they aren't someone you want in your life on a permanent basis. I love how a date is essentially sitting down with someone and just getting to know them better. It's a very humane thing. I've realised that everything else on top of that can be put to one side, because irrespective of whatever else that person or you want from love, a relationship, to happen next, at that moment there and then, what you both want most of all is for the other person to like you for who you are. You want this to be something. Everything else can wait. Finding out who the person is within, how does this person react with you, what could they bring to your life, and then deciding if this is someone that you want to stay for a little while longer, that's what really matters. And even if it doesn't work out further down the line, it's a memory to add to the collection, and you've just got to pick yourself up proudly and try again.

Watching First Dates makes me want to get out there and meet people. Anyone. Everyone. Doesn't matter if it's someone I think might be right for me, or someone I never in a million years would've thought could be right. I want to talk to people, get to know them for who they are, I want to throw that damn caution to the wind and just ride along with the motion, wherever it may take me. Let fear be my fuel to rise onwards and upwards, instead of that dead weight holding me down. Let the unknown be a promising passage lined with silver and gold, not a black, grey, uninviting hole to an abyss. I want to let people get to know me. I think I could make someone else really happy. I want to learn from other people. I want to let people bring something to my life. I said literally yesterday, when I was off on another Independent Woman thing, that I just didn't have time for a boyfriend at the moment, but now I'm thinking that I can find that time for the right person. I want to stop moping around and being afraid, and just give things a go, because if you don't try then you'll never know, and you'll never really get anywhere either. First Dates has shown me that dating, meeting new people and getting to know them, love, relationships, the future, all these things aren't meant to make us feel afraid. They aren't meant to limit us. They're meant to grow us. They're some of the best gifts that life has to offer. And I guess that I need to stop being a chicken and just get out into the world, proudly present this dazzling new version of myself, like Beyonce whenever she steps out onto the stage to sing, and really start living. Heaven knows I'm long overdue it.

First Dates is on Channel 4 at 10pm on Thursdays.

Sassy Girl Playlist

SASSY GIRL PLAYLIST

The other day I was looking through Spotify and I don't know why, but I kept picking out all these proper good, proper sassy girl anthems to play. One after another after another, I was sat there proper grooving along, feeling like somehow just by playing these amazing kick ass songs, everything was right in the world. How could it not be, when you're sat there singing Independent Woman at the top of your voice for all to hear? I always love a good old sassy girl anthem to play whenever I feel a bit down, or likewise on the converse, whenever I'm feeling incredibly sassy myself and I need a song that reflects that. I imagine that like most girls (or guys that like to indulge in their more feminine sides from time to time), whenever this need for sassy, empowering, female produced music strikes, it's normally Beyonce that I turn to. She always has the right tunes to match my mood, whatever that mood may be. However I don't know about you, but because Beyonce is the sass queen in my eyes, I always seem to forget the rest of the sassy girls out there, also doing their bit for girl-kind and girl power.

Therefore I decided to make a comprehensive playlist of core sassy girl songs (aka. the SASSY GAL PLAYLIST on my Spotify) so that I can keep all those absolutely brilliant, empowering songs in one place, easy to access whenever I may need an injection of sass into my life. I searched far and wide across Spotify to form the playlist, as did I wrack my brain hard in pursuit of the songs that simply had to be on this playlist. I think I've done a pretty decent job, but then again, there's just so much sass in the world, and so many female artists absolutely killing it right now, or who've been killing it for many, many years, that I was bound to overlook a few key songs. So I'm sure that this is a playlist that will continue to grow to unparalleled heights, and that's okay with me. Let girl power reign from now until forever, and till that day comes, I really hope you love this Sassy Girl Playlist and that it makes you feel just as empowered and kick ass too.

Think I've missed a key sassy girl anthem? Just leave a comment below and I'll add it to the playlist!
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LET THE SASS COMMENCE 

INDEPENDENT WOMAN PART 1

DESTINY'S CHILD

IT'S NOT RIGHT, BUT IT'S OK

WHITNEY HOUSTON

GET OUT

JOJO

LET ME BLOW YA MIND
EVE FT. GWEN STEFANI

TURNING TABLES
ADELE

IRREPLACEABLE

BEYONCE

WHIP MY HAIR
WILLOW SMITH

RIGHT NOW
MARY J BLIGE

HIPS DON'T LIE
SHAKIRA

SILVER SPRINGS
FLEETWOOD MAC

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF MYSELF
SANTGOLD

THE WORLD SHOULD REVOLVE AROUND ME

LITTLE JACKIE

SUCKER

THE BIG MOON

IS YOUR LOVE BIG ENOUGH?

LIANNE A HAVAS

GLAMOUROUS

FERGIE

I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN

SHANIA TWAIN

FEELING GOOD
NINA SIMONE

YOU HAD ME
JOSS STONE

SMILE
LILY ALLEN

BEST THING I NEVER HAD
BEYONCE

STRANGER
LISSIE

BLACK MAGIC

LITTLE MIX

(I love Little Mix)

WARWICK AVENUE
DUFFY

SHAKE IT OFF
TAYLOR SWIFT

IN MY BED
AMY WINEHOUSE

SHACKLES
MARY MARY

YOU'RE A GERM
WOLF ALICE

SURVIVOR
DESTINY'S CHILD

KISS WITH A FIST
FLORENCE & THE MACHINE

SOPHIA
LAURA MARLING

DON'T SAVE ME
HAIM

10 Reasons Why Stevie Nicks Is Queen

10 REASONS WHY STEVIE NICKS IS QUEEN

Late last night I rather irrationally decided that an hour before midnight would be a fabulous time to start some work. So if you were to have peeked in through a window of my life, right then and there, you would've found me sat at my desk, pen in hand, scribbling down lecture notes and intensely bopping to the most amazing playlist on Spotify, called Sassy & Classy (more on that next time). Where was the logic in this decision? I don't really know. I'd just had some friends round for pizza and a catch up, it was getting late, I was tired, I had uni the next day, but lo and behold, my brain decided to chuck logic right out the window and do the most illogical thing imaginable. Anyway, the whole point why I'm telling you this is because although in theory, this peculiar decision of mine didn't really make much sense, it actually proved to be a rather great decision because I firstly finished a lecture I had to go through, and secondly, I ended up listening to some Stevie Nicks (because naturally she was on the Sassy & Classy playlist- why would she not be).

You may have already gauged from previous posts, but I'm a big Stevie Nicks/ Fleetwood Mac fan (eg. see here, or here). I think she's incredible. The absolute bees knees. I only really got into her properly this year, after resolutely ignoring my Dad whenever he mentioned how great she was year after consecutive year. I don't know if he was sub-consciously planting a seed in my head, in the hopes that it would one day help me grow into a big Stevie Nicks fan, or that she would one day become as important to me, as she is to him. But either way, this year in particular, the year when I finally discovered Stevie for myself, and of my own accord too, her and her music have actually become a rather important part of my life. Stevie Nicks has become the icon I didn't even realise I was missing. So late last night, whilst my brain sent my hand the task of distractedly writing notes about motor neurone disease, the rest of my mind preoccupied itself with thinking about just how damn awesome Stevie Nicks is. And so, with the help of a that glorious late night mental creativity and fluidity, where such a thing as mental blocks are purely a figment of the imagination, I had that amazing light bulb moment: I decided I would write a blog post about the top ten reasons why Stevie Nicks is queen right then and there. Screw motor neurone disease, there were more important things to write about.

Naturally fatigue took over before that spark of initiative had chance to take hold, (I didn't manage to stay up long past midnight in the end), so I'm back to finish what I started now. Ten reasons why Stevie Nicks is Queen, just like I promised, and you don't understand how hard it's been to refrain from gushing all those reasons why in these three opening paragraphs. Therefore I shall refrain no more, dear readers, and instead I will splurge all those reasons out into a nice compact, direct list below. And if you're still not sure just what the big deal is with Stevie Nicks, I strongly urge you to whack her name in You Tube or Spotify and take a listen for yourself. She really is Queen. I'm not kidding.

http://rockalittle.com/
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THE REASONS WHY:

001. She's a human powerhouse, with the most gorgeous, gravelly, distinct, powerful, emotive voice.

002. She wrote nearly all of what are, in my opinion anyway, Fleetwood Mac's best songs.

003. She went on American Horror Story at the age of 65 and was absolutely kick ass.

004. She took the male dominated music industry by storm. When she wasn't able to fully express herself fully, and was limited creatively with Fleetwood Mac, she went solo and firmly shut up all the haters by going straight to number one with her first solo album Bella Donna. 

005. She's a proper girls girl and a total advocate of girl power too. She's proof to all girls everywhere that just because you're a girl, you should never ever let that hold you back. We're just as strong, capable, empowered.

006. She writes songs about actual real life, talks absolute sense and doesn't contort the truth. All the good, all the bad, she's experienced it all and writes about it so honestly. When I listen to her music I'm like 'ah, finally, someone who understands'. Likewise, Stevie's music helps me to make sense of my emotions when I'm struggling to do it myself.

007. She's a sassy, single, independent woman and is proof that you can be perfectly content and happy and amazing on your own. 

008. When Mick Fleetwood first spotted Lindsey Buckingham, he was reluctant to let Stevie join the band with him too. However after she joined, Fleetwood Mac ended up getting craaaazy successful (#girlpower)

009. She doesn't let people hold her back or pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to do. She lives by her own rules, as did she work damn hard to establish the monumental career she's had so far.

010 She's honest about the mistakes she's made, things she shouldn't have done, or should have done differently and completely turned her life around and changed for the better.

Looking To The Future

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE

I've spent the last few months just trying to forget and move on. Build that bridge at long last, and just get the hell over it already. And I feel like I've finally reached the stage where I can truly feel the distance arching between me and the past, and everything tightly contained within it. Me and 'it' are in two separate places, and I know that now because I can feel it within myself. I didn't even realise I was making progress, because in my eyes it looked as though I hadn't moved onwards at all. It still felt like I was rooted to that exact same spot, as always. Returning to those sad little remains of what used to be, over and over again. Refusing to let it go once and for all. Refusing to let it disintegrate into ashes of nothing. Sitting there hoping. Sitting there wishing. Sitting there waiting. I could've waited for an eternity. I would've made all the time in the world. 

But somewhere along the way, life began to take hold and carry me with it. Every day was so full of living, that I ended up travelling further and further away from that place without me even realising. Every day I left that place far, far behind, with the rhythm of life propelling me onwards to a future that won't reveal itself just yet, but I know is lying in wait ready for me to find. Every day presented new problems, new challenges, new experiences, new things to learn, a new to-do list that needed addressing. I was unknowingly building an escape route from that place, little by little, brick by brick, until one day I stopped and turned around, only to realise just how far I'd come. I'd built a foundation that could lead me out of the past and into the future. Little by little I'd been shaking off the confines of emotion, escaping the constant relay of memories, and starting to see a version of me that could happily and confidently exist, without the very thing that I thought I needed most of all. After being trapped in the whirlwind for what felt like so long, I'd finally been deposited on the other side.

And for the first time, I felt like I could finally look to the past without the bittersweet wealth of emotion that had always accompanied me previously. I was looking at it through clear, bright eyes. All that seemingly endless processing had been completed. It was time to be free. I had finally found the perfect way to say goodbye to and make peace with the past, and the ghosts that still lurk there. I didn't feel bitter or sad anymore. I didn't feel the loss so strongly anymore. I didn't want to let it weigh me down anymore. I didn't want to keep thinking about it all the time. I wanted to let it go, and yet on the converse, I didn't feel like I could completely sacrifice everything to the breeze of life, and let it be carried away from me forever. I guess I wanted to be free of the negativity, but I wanted the positivity to remain and empower me. I wanted to forget the bad and instead focus on the good, and use it constructively within my future. So somewhere along the way, I realised that I didn't have to carry the weight around with me everywhere I went, yet conversely I had the choice to decide what aspects I did want to keep close to me. What I was willing to take responsibility for. What I was willing to carry forwards with me in to the future, and what I was ready to finally leave behind. I realised that in order to move on, I didn't have to sacrifice everything, I just had to use my new found perspective and liberation to re-assess what, within that something, was most important to me now. I only wanted to take the good things forwards with me, so I had to decide for myself what those things were. I wanted to make sure that it wasn't all for nothing.

It's been so hard to let the past go because until now, I always believed that in order for me to do that, I had to say goodbye to everything. I had to fully close the chapter and place the book onto the dusty, endless shelves of my memory, not to be re-visited or re-opened for a long, long time to come. I had to tick that sheet, saying that this was a matter that had been dealt with and closed for good. Declare my oath that I would never go back down that road again. Leave everything and anything to do with the past behind me in my wake. It was that or nothing. And I guess that I just didn't realise that that wasn't the only way. I didn't realise that there was another way of dealing with the past, and moving on from it in a constructive way. There didn't need to be an element of sacrifice. Like a glittering star falling down from the sky, right before my moving feet, I suddenly saw the way out. And in retrospect is seems to easy, so logical, so obvious, but as is always the case with life, I just couldn't see it till now. Because I realised that from my experiences, even though things ended how I never wanted them to, there were a lot of good things that I could take away from it. 

There were the important life changing lessons that I learned. The times that, hard as they were, taught me how much potential I have, as did they reveal to me that I'm a lot more capable than I lead myself to believe. There were the happy times that make me smile even to this day, and make me feel lucky that I was the one who got to be right there experiencing them first hand. There were the moments that validated my beliefs and reminded me that I'm not crazy to think the way I do. The positive changes that consequently changed me and my life forever. There was the overriding hope, I still remember how that feels. I remember the little things that were said, and it makes me feel lucky that someone once said those words to me. I remember what I found then, its significance and what it meant to me, and it helps guide me as I go about my life now. No-one can take any of this away from me, nor do I have to take it away from myself. All of this is mine to keep forever and always, and if I want to keep these things close to my heart, then that's okay. It's what I'll do. But the two most important things that I want to keep inside my heart, to keep my heart beat pumping stronger than ever as I race ahead into my future are: 1) the promise to myself that I will never again lose sight of the person you helped me to become. That I will always strive to be that person, that best version of myself, and use all those positives to remind me and fuel me onwards. I won't let any of this go to waste. You showed me my potential, who I really am, and I'd be a fool to let that all go. It's a reminder that all of this, everything about it, was worthwhile, if it's helping me to keep this glowing, happy future of mine alive. And 2) I will store that love up in my heart and keep it safe, keep it with me always, so that I know that I am never alone, so that it could never be deemed pointless, so that I am empowered in a way that I never was before. Fulfil the unfulfilled. As a thank you for everything, as a promise that I will never forget. 

Now I know that you've probably read this entire body of writing and wondered firstly what on earth I'm on about, and who on earth I'm on about. And the mystery is something that will remain. These words are an externalisation of how I feel, it's a way of freeing the feeling, and putting things into focus. However the reason I wrote them out on here in the first place, is because I hope that although you read them not knowing who or what they were about, just like I had something in mind the whole time I was writing this post, I hope that you too had something or someone in mind. I hope that they struck a chord within you somewhere, and that they might help you make sense of something important to you, in the same way that they've helped me make sense of something important to me. And most importantly, I hope it helps you to realise that nothing is ever as bad as it seems. There's always, always good to be found, and I truly hope that you find it and use it to empower you as you embark into your future. I really, really do.

Dr Martens x Mark Wigan

DR MARTENS X MARK WIGAN

The other day I was flicking through my Instagram, as per usual, when I happened to see a post by the iconic British footwear brand Dr Martens. It was some photo of a rather groovy pair of shoes, so naturally because I'm a complete avid fan of said footwear company, I decided to look at more of the shoes just because. And it was whilst I was doing that, I came across what could quite possibly be the most amazing pair of shoes I have ever seen. The colours, the patterns, the design, the cut, everything about the shoe left me swooning. I guess you could call it a touch of love at first sight, and I just had to find out more. Turns out that this rather spectacular shoe was part of a collection of equally spectacular shoes, all of which are designed by English born artist Mark Wigan as part of a unique and limited collaboration with Dr Martens.

Mark, an avid Dr Martens wearer himself, is a highly influential leader of the world's urban art scene, pioneering the concept of unleashing art from the confines of the canvas and inner environment, and instead projecting one's creative vision onto the natural canvas of the outer environment. Using the physical formations of the outside world as a basis to spread ideas and concepts through the channel of art. Mark's highly unique artistic style and creative flair is expressed through a wide variety of mediums including illustration, fine art, urban art, gallery curating, live performances, theatre, animation.... the list is quite seemingly infinite. His inspirations include music, reading, international travel and absorbing the diverse cultures found along the way, carboot sales, fashion, clubbing, with his Dr Martens capsule collection in particular taking inspiration from the concept of 'the city at night'. In support of his collaboration, Mark also toured around Asia, visiting some of the major cities such as Hong Kong, Tokyo, Singapore, personalising Dr Martens shoes and decorating stores along the way.

The collection itself is evidently so strongly influenced by all these amazing channels of inspiration, and is so fun, funky, quirky and eye catching. A real feast for the eyes and a treat for the owner in possession of such wonderful, vibrant, well made goods. And although the collection is slightly pricey, the collection is so iconic, timeless and stunning, what with the high quality Dr Martens craftsmanship, that this Mark Wigan collection is a real investment, one for the old Chrimbo list, and even if you don't end up purchasing a piece for yourself, I hope you enjoy perusing the collection!

http://www.drmartens.com/uk/collaborations/wigan

-All images belong to Dr Martens & Mark Wigan, and are linked to the original source-

I'm Listening To....

I'M LISTENING TO...

I don't even remember the last time that I wrote about music, but with starting my radio show back up again recently, meaning my world has once again been absolutely inundated with music galore, now seems like a pretty good time to do that just. Share with you some of the fantastic music that I've been listening to intently over the last few weeks or so. I always think that this time of year is when some of the best music gets released, and so far there has been no disappointment in my eyes anyway. The favourites list on my Spotify has swelled beyond measurable limits and it's an ever growing list as well. And one of the main reasons I even began my radio show was to share the music I love with people, in the hopes that they might like it too. For what greater joy is there?

My radio show in particular is going really well, and as always it is making me rather happy indeed. Aptly titled 'The Melting Pot', my show is on the Fuse FM airwaves from 5-6pm on Sundays, so a nice little early evening slot which I hadn't initially intended on having, but was given anyway. And as always, life just seems to know what it's doing because I've actually quickly grown to love my slot and doing my show at that particular time. I love how it's dark and cosy when I get inside the studio, I love that my five listeners (and I actually had five this week!) can listen to my show whilst they enjoy the beginnings of a hopefully chill Sunday night, and I love the people who broadcast either side of my radio show too. Max from the brilliantly named 'The Behr Necessities' on from 3-4pm last week, who said my voice should be on perfume commercials, whilst his is the ultimate voice for bingo. Or Brad, a fellow Midlands boy who knew I was from Derby as soon as he heard me speak, with his equally brilliantly named show 'The Nissan Jukebox' from 6-7pm. Both guys are lovely and their shows are definitely well worth a listen! My show 'The Melting Pot' is, as the name suggests, a complete and utter mash up of songs, genres, artists, decades where seemingly anything goes. And I can't stress to you how much I am loving doing my show. The happiness I feel is unreal! 

So with that, before I begin an impromptu essay about how much I love doing my radio show, versions 1,2,3,4 and 5, it's time to go audio and share with you the music that has been filling my world and my ears this last month or so, which rather like my radio show, is a complete and utter melting pot, and I hope you find a few gems in there to take away for yourself.

fusefm.co.uk

-PLAYLIST-

TAKE ME HOME

Jess Glynne

SOMETIMES

The Academic

HALF THE WORLD AWAY

Aurora

KEEP ON DANCIN'

Ellie Goulding

SOMEONE ELSE

The Jellyrox

A.D.I.D.A.S

Little Mix

INDIGO ROAD

Beau James

THE BESNARD LAKES

Golden Lion

LANDSLIDE

Stevie Nicks (ft. Melbourne Symphonic Orchestra)

HELLO

Adele

LION'S HEART

Eliza & The Bear

THE PRINCESS DIARIES WALTZ

The Princess Diaries

(seriously just listen to it!!)

GIRL FROM THE NORTH COUNTRY

Bob Dylan & Johnny Cash

WORKING POOR

Horsefeathers

I WAS DREAMING

Robert Muinos

HELLO MY OLD HEART

The Oh Hello's

HISTORY

One Direction

(it's very, very catchy ok?)

STAY ON MY SHORE

Joan Shelley

EYES SHUT

Years & Years

ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME

Coldplay

TOMPKINS SQUARE PARK

Mumford & Sons

WHERE YA AT

Future ft. Drake

BIRD

Billie Marten

SHARPNESS

Jamie Woon

CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF MYSELF

Santigold ft. B.C

DROWNING IN THE SHADOWS

Sam Smith

Megan Hess

MEGAN HESS

I'm a sucker for beautiful illustrations, anything aesthetically pleasing to the eye, and the Australian fashion illustrator Megan Hess is no exception. Notorious in the fashion industry for her gorgeous, whimsical and highly sophisticated drawings that depict the glamorous and idealistic allure of those who reside amongst the highest pinnacles of fashion, Megan's illustrations are surely a derivative of the most breathtakingly beautiful dream. Every drawing is so fluid, so elegant, so full of character and life. Simplistic yet rich with a subtle complexity. So many intertwining textures, patterns, splashes of colours, and all expertly guided by bold black ink strokes that seem to bring fashion to life before your eyes. Megan's unique and recognisable style lends itself so perfectly to this mammoth feat, and I adore the emphasis on the clothes and details especially. If someone were to ask me to summarise just what fashion means to me, what it looks like, what it should be, all I would need to do is point them in the direction of Megan Hess's work because in my eyes there is no finer encapsulation. 

  Megan originally began her career as a graphic designer, however after working as an art director at numerous high profile businesses worldwide, including Liberty London, for numerous years, she decided to make the courageous decision to follow her ultimate dream and become an artist. Focusing her creative talents on capturing the fashion industry in particular, Megan has since gone onto establish herself as a leading figure in the fashion illustration domain, a notoriously difficult profession to successfully break into, and her wonderful illustrations can literally be found everywhere. If you're a fan of Candace Bushnell's legendary 'Sex & The City' book series, some of the most recent editions of the books have had a stylish makeover courtesy of Megan Hess. Likewise if you keep up with publications such as Vanity Fair, TIME, Vogue, Harpers Bazaar, Megan's illustrations are often a regular feature, or if you're a keen collector of fashion illustrations books (which I peruse in a state of adoration whenever I visit the library), then you might also be aware of Megan's recently released book Fashion House: Illustrated Interiors From The Icons of Style. And if those credentials weren't enough, her extensive list of clients also includes Chanel, Dior, Tiffany & Co, Yves Saint Laurent, Fendi, Laduree, Cartier, Balenciaga, Kate Moss and Michelle Obama. to name but a few. I can't even begin to comprehend the sheer magnitude of that jaw dropping range of clientèle, however you only need look at Megan's sublime illustrations to understand just where this demand from such elusive names stems from. It's something that most of us could only dream of, however what I find most remarkable and inspiring, is that none of this deserved success would have been possible had Megan not followed her ultimate dream. By working hard, believing in herself and her talents, networking and marketing herself right, and having the courage to take that terrifying leap into the unknown Megan has achieved what many of us believe to be the unachievable. She's carved out a name for herself in the notorious fashion industry, and that, I think, alongside her brilliant illustrations, is pretty incredible.

If you love Megan's work and want to see more, just head to...

http://meganhess.com

-all photos taken from http://meganhess.com/ or linked to original source-

SWIG Hip Flask

*This SWIG Hip Flask was kindly sent to me as a gift to review by SWIG. All opinions expressed are honest and completely my own*

SWIG HIP FLASK

Last week I popped back home for a few days to see family and friends, amongst other things. However in spite of the many things I was expecting upon my arrival back home, having my Mum present me with a parcel with my name on it was definitely not one of those things. Unless I've been naughty and whacked out the old debit card, ordering lots of music and books and other random goods off of Amazon (oh the wild life I lead), parcels addressed specifically to me rarely come my way. But not this time dear readers, no not this time, for I was lucky enough recently to be asked by the relatively new British company SWIG, if I would like to pick one of their gorgeous hip flasks to review on this blog. Naturally I jumped at the chance, most of all because it was a great opportunity to help support a fantastic independent business (more on that later!) and so I chose my flask, and when it finally arrived, I must say I did fall a little bit in love with it. And now, as I casually sip Triple Sec from my SWIG flask whilst writing this post for you lovely people, I can't wait to tell you all about both SWIG and the beautiful flask itself ...

Olaf and Dan, over at the aptly named SWIG, founded the company in 2013 after realising there was a massive gap in the British market for high quality, well made, aesthetic hip flasks. I'm sure that like myself, you'll be aware of the abundance of hip flasks already out there, ones that are adorned with witty slogans, or in the case of one of my friends, a whole lot of glitter. Hip flasks are a rather personal thing after all, with people choosing a hip flask that best reflects their personality and approach to alcohol consumption. However if you stop to think about the hip flask market, it does become blindingly obvious that those classy, reliable, beautiful hip flasks, the ones you imagine great historical figures concealing in their trouser pockets, or the ones that could be passed down from one generation to the next, don't really seem to exist. Which is why what SWIG Flasks are cleverly doing, creating such finely crafted hip flasks to plug that glaring gap in the market, seems all the more admirable. And what's more, SWIG is a company that has been lovingly and gradually grown from those very first seeds of inspiration, right through to the meteoric success the company is deservedly basking in now. The kind of success where global domination, one hip flask at a time seems a highly achievable ambition. Adversities have been overcome, risks have been taken, mistakes made and lessons learnt, with the hard work, honesty, passion and belief that forms the heart of SWIG, fuelling the company onwards and upwards. Of course the fact that their very well made product is essentially the first of its kind, and a forerunner in not only the hip flask market but the alcohol industry too, helps just a little bit as well. It really is a fantastic product produced by fantastic people, and I don't say that lightly either. All you need to do is go onto the SWIG website, and read all the gushing plentiful reviews, alongside more about the company's inspiring story, to see what I (and the BBC, and the UK government, and the Queen herself) mean. Just like the flasks themselves, SWIG is a reliable and unique company that you want to support.

However by now, I suspect that you've noticed how much I've been harping on about these fabulous hip flasks, and you probably want me to cut to the chase and tell you more about them, which of course I duly will. The hip flask I was lucky enough to choose was the Harris Tweed Red Flask, and my reasons for choosing it were mostly due to the beautiful handmade Tweed pouch, in which the hip flask was enclosed. Made from stainless steel to avoid harmful toxins, all SWIG hip flasks (aside from the original Naked flask) come enclosed in a growing variety of equally well crafted leather or tweed pouches, adding both an element of decoration and protection to the flask. Likewise the flasks can be engraved and also bought with additional products such as handwritten, wax sealed notes and glassware too. The flask itself is incredibly light to hold with soft curved edges, it fits perfectly into the palm of your hand or in trouser pockets and handbags, and is large enough to contain up to 5 shots. It maintains alcohol quality perfectly, prevents any leakages, is easy to wash and although the stainless steel does pick up fingerprints (perhaps the company may invest in matte versions too in future?), with the accompanying pouch this rarely occurs and in the chance that it should, fingerprints are very easy to rub off. What's more, SWIG hip flasks are gender neutral in their design, meaning they make the perfect gift for any person and of any age too, and each hip flask also comes with its own 'society number' engraved on its surface, a lovely idea meaning that with purchasing your hip flask, you automatically become part of the worldwide SWIG society. 

As you can probably guess, SWIG hip flasks aren't cheap, with the cheapest currently selling for just over forty pounds, and if you're a bit of a Scrooge like me, then that kind of price tag can understandably seem off-putting. Likewise I'm a student on a budget and a cider loving gal too (usually because of convenience), though I do have a particular penchant for rum, and so the idea of purchasing and using a hip flask is a somewhat foreign concept to me. However now that I have this stunning little beauty to keep my rum in, I think I might just have to start ditching those cans of cider and carry my hip flask around with me instead. After all, there's something kind of sincere and almost special about taking your hip flask with you as you go about the adventures of your life. In the same way you remember drinking cans of cider with your friends back in the day (obviously I haven't quite passed this stage yet), the kind of fond memories that evokes, the significant markers it attaches to your life, you'll remember everything about your hip flask too. However this time, it's a new rite of passage, acquiring your hip flask. A nod to your ever growing sophistication and maturity, your forays in to adulthood, your development as a person. A way to commemorate this particular time in your life, and all those wonderful times still to come, and maybe one day you'll pass that beloved hip flask of yours down to the next generation, in the hopes that it's the perfect accompaniment to their ensuing adventures in life too. Because just like you'd invest in a sublime piece of jewellery, a designer piece of clothing, this year's winter coat, that new piece of technology, choosing to purchase a SWIG flask, either as a treat for yourself or a meaningful gift for another, is just that: an investment. The hip flask itself is a wise investment, a fantastic product, with its high quality craftsmanship intended to last a lifetime, as is investing in SWIG as a company a rather wise decision too. These guys genuinely care about their products and what customers think of them, and want to keep providing that excellent customer service, alongside developing SWIG to make it even better than it already is, and that's something that I personally find rather endearing.

So whether you're a spirit lover or not, heck maybe you just want a classy container for your diet coke instead. Whether you like hip flasks or not, or maybe you've never really thought about purchasing one before. Whether you or someone you know is looking for that perfect timeless gift to buy a loved one, or you find yourself looking for that perfect gift sometime in the future. Whatever your predicament, I would highly, highly recommend heading over to SWIG Flasks and taking a look at their beautiful range of products, because if they can make a cider enthusiast like myself seriously consider switching to rum, just so I can flaunt my gorgeous hip flask, then they must be pretty darn good.

swigflasks.com

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-PHOTOBOOK-  

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