Say Yes To Love

SAY YES TO LOVE

The other day, I was doing some pretty impressive procrastination, and one of my procrastination tasks happened to be reading through old blog posts (cos obviously knowing what you were thinking in October 2015 is a lot more important than revising for your last ever uni exam).

It was so strange reading through my old posts, even the ones I only wrote a year ago, because it made me realise how much I have changed since then, and more so, how much my life has changed. 

A couple of posts that really resonated with me, were the ones about love.

Up to April last year, I had never been in a relationship, let alone kissed a guy, and to put it bluntly, I was a) very picky and sure of the kind of person I was looking for, 2) sceptical that I would ever meet somebody, and 3) just very scared of love in general. 

And I guess I never really thought my situation would change.

 But last year, some weird transformation happened to me, and I a) met somebody who I really really liked, who b) was a guy I never would have imagined myself with, and 3) I stopped being afraid of love.

It was life changing, and in the best way imaginable.

 And I'm telling you this now, over a year into my first ever relationship, because I was watching the Royal Wedding on Saturday with my boyfriend, and to be honest, it made me feel very soppy and lovey dovey, and reminded me how amazing, healing, magical and special love is. It also made me feel so happy, relieved and proud, for finally allowing myself the opportunity to experience all these incredible milestones, feelings and daily happiness, with someone who I care for and love so very deeply. Someone who has changed my life irreversibly for the better.

Love isn't always easy, it's true.

Me and my boyfriend have argued plenty of times (mostly around food, for some reason) and pissed each other off plenty of times too. We don't always share the same opinions or interests, or ideas about how to cook a meal right. He has little quirks that annoy me, and many things about me annoy him too. 

And if we're not winding each other up, another thing that's difficult is when we have to go long distance. Until my relationship, I didn't realise how hard it is, and how much it can physically hurt, to be away from someone you love. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone that much!

But all of this, all of it, is so very worthwhile.

By saying yes to love, and pushing myself out my comfort zone, taking control of my own happiness, and letting myself follow this incredible new adventure, despite not knowing where it would lead me, I have experienced happiness like no other.

I've laughed so hard. Made soooo many memories (it's amazing how much you can do in a year). Ate some bloody fantastic food. Discovered Game of Thrones!!! Finally understood what it's like to love and be loved in return. Experienced the incredible healing power of bear hugs. Found the best dancing partner you could ever ask for. Found someone who I can share all aspects of my life with. Found someone who makes my future seem so much brighter and beautiful and happier.

And what's more, I've become a better version of myself too. 

I'm more thoughtful, more able to compromise. More resilient and more generous. More relaxed and more content. Braver. Positive. More trusting and open and appreciative. More likely to say yes... 

Being in a relationship, you learn, and have the opportunity to learn, every day. My boyfriend is such a character, a unique individual unlike any other. I find him so fascinating and inspiring, and I love being able to grow alongside and with him, and see how our relationship changes as a result. Somehow the clunks and the catches get ironed out, the insecurities and worries fade away, and everything seems to click better. And we appreciate and understand each other better too.

Sometimes, I still can't quite believe this is actually happening to me. That this is my reality. I count my lucky stars every day in gratitude. 

And granted, sharing all this soppiness with you might make you want to vom. 

But I really felt like I had a duty to, because just over a year ago, I didn't know what this kind of love felt like. I had never allowed myself to experience it. I didn't quite get the value of a relationship- for me it was all about celebrating, enjoying and embracing the single life (which I would also highly recommend). And to be quite honest, I had no bloody idea what I was doing. 

I stuck to the same thinking, the same routines, that I had always known, and I found it hard to step outside of those confines. I was comfortable there. But likewise, inside I was craving that companionship, that new change to learn and grow, that opportunity to love somebody else so fully and deeply. To prove to myself that I could love and be loved.

And saying yes to love, changed everything for me.

I have no idea what the future holds for us, what the constellation of us looks like, but one thing I have always known, from the very start of the magnificent adventure, is that I will treasure these memories, and this love, for the rest of my life. I will never regret saying yes, and allowing this next chapter of my life to happen. 

So my advice to you, whoever you might be reading this, is to say yes to love too, whenever it next comes knocking at your door. Say yes to that person, whoever they may be. Let yourself love with an open and honest heart. Be vulnerable. Be hopeful. Remind yourself you deserve to be happy, so so happy, and see where that road could lead you. You can do it.

And it just might be the best decision you ever make.

(Ok I've finished now- you can put down the sick bucket)