HOW TO SURVIVE MOVING AWAY FROM HOME A SECOND TIME
A month ago, I moved away from home for the second time.
The first time was for university. I moved to a big, brand new city with lots of other people my own age, all seeking something new, exciting and different to our mundane lives back home. That classic rite of passage.
The first time I moved away from home was a shock to the system, and the first couple of weeks I got homesick once or twice. But from day one I was mixing with more people than I'd done in quite possibly the five years of my life before that. I must've met at least 30, 40 people on my first night alone, and I kept meeting new people for a long time after that too.
I was always surrounded by people. I lived with eight people, eight!! There was so much to do, so much to explore, so many people to talk to, so many opportunities. The change was big, but it was just enough change, and I was supported from every possible angle to make that change not only possible and smooth and easy, but also enjoyable. There was so much positivity around me. Yes, it was a new start, a lot of newness, but everything and everyone was telling me this was the right thing to do. This was living the dream.
But perhaps more than that, I was so hungry to move away from home and try something new. I had been waiting for it my whole life. And I had had chosen where I would study, what I would study, where I would live. I had it all sussed out. It was all my doing. I was so ready to start a new life, a new adventure, and gain my independence.
Moving away the first time was one of the best things I ever did.
But moving away a second time has been quite a different experience.
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The second time I moved away was as a graduate, and it was for a job.
I had settled back at home and had unknowingly started re-building a new life for myself there. I was starting to get comfortable. Life was so lush, something hindsight has really helped me see. I had all the time in the world. A little job to earn some money and give me a routine. Family and friends a stone's throw away. I travelled back up to my uni city every couple of weeks to see friends, loved ones and have fun. I was quite contented, and even though I moaned sometimes and worried about my next steps, it was enough.
Moving away a second time was different, because all these reasons meant I wasn't hungry for it this time. Ready for a change, yes. Ready for a new something to focus on, yes. But the amount of change I was willing to endure was not as large as it had been four years ago. I was happy at home, happy with my life. Technically speaking, nothing really needed to change, which of course made moving away a lot harder than it was the first time. So instead of being this overwhelmingly positive, necessary, must-do experience, I saw moving away as something of a chore. Something I just had to do. It was expected of me. The done thing. That's what happens when you grow up and become an adult.
This time, I wasn't moving because I wanted to. It was because I had a job, a foot in the door, and everyone said I should take it, so I did. This time, I wasn't moving somewhere I really wanted to move to. It was because that's where the job was, and so I had to follow it. This time, I wasn't moving along with lots of other people from all over the country. I was moving on my own, into a house with new people of all ages, all local. This time, I didn't have that same support system in place, because I was an adult now, not a student, and everyone, myself included, assumes you'll be fine coping with all the change.
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Moving away the second time was so much harder than moving away the first time.
My first weekend in my new home was one of the toughest things I've experienced in quite a long time, to the extent I couldn't even remember the last time I ever felt that lonely or upset. I suppose somewhat naively, I thought moving away a second time would be so much easier because I had done it all before, and knew that it was possible. I knew that I could do it.
What I didn't expect, was for the experience to challenge me as much as it did.
I didn't realise that actually, even though yes, I had moved to a new city and had done it all before, that was over four years ago, and in the last three years of university I had grown roots and built myself a new home. So in theory, I hadn't gone through all that upheaval in quite a long time, something I didn't even think to give myself credit for. I didn't realise that this time I was leaving not only one home, but two homes, two places I felt so settled and comfortable in. Exchanging them for one I had hardly any connection too, hardly knew anybody, over two hours from home.
I had forgotten how it felt to know nobody. Forgotten how it felt to be lonely. Forgotten how it felt to miss your loved ones so badly it physically hurt. Forgotten how to look after myself. Forgotten why I had even made this crazy, spontaneous decision in the first place. What on earth was I thinking? So many times I shook my head in frustration and confusion as to why I had ever decided to move. Accept the job. Completely turn my life on its head. And I was so distraught, so unhappy, that for a while nobody could even give me an answer to my soul-searching. All they could tell me was to keep my head up and get through it.
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My university experience had caused me to set my expectations for adult life way too high.
In reality, adult life is not as fabulous, filled or fun as you might expect it to be. And starting again is even harder, because it might not always turn out how you want it to. I'm really not lying when I say how challenging this new chapter has been.
BUT... it's getting better.
Little by little, things are looking up.
I've started to settle into my new home and new job. I'm adapting to my new circumstances, and being on my own a lot more than I'd like, and hey, isn't it funny how we do that? How somehow, even the toughest situation starts to get a little easier, a little better, a little more bearable? That survival instinct kicks in and the love and self-care click into action. I've met some absolutely wonderful, genuinely amazing people who have welcomed me with open arms and given me numerous olive branches whenever I've needed one. People who I feel like I've known forever, and who I get the feeling I somehow needed to meet, yet wouldn't have done if I hadn't had the guts to get up one day and change my life.
A new home, a new town, a new everything, has given me the time, space and distance to start figuring out who I am now, who this new adult Tasha is, and reconnect with myself all over again. Heck, I didn't even realise I'd changed so much in the last six months. And work. Work is challenging at times, and on numerous occasions I've sworn my head is going to explode, but every day I wake up with a purpose, make a difference in some kind of way, talk to some fabulous, generous people and make enough money to buy nice orange juice and cute animal mugs from the supermarket.
Radio and TV, but especially radio, help fill the silences and keep the loneliness at bay. Seeing loved ones is a precious and much appreciated, anticipated and adored treat. Exercise has become the perfect stress buster. Weekends are for living my best life. I can buy nice presents for Christmas (finally). I can go on adventures and explore new parts of the country that I never even knew existed. The tough times were actually something of a blessing in disguise, because they reminded me how important it is to reach out and be honest, and how gloriously lucky I am to have such caring, kind people in my life. And above all that, I am so proud of myself for not only pushing myself out my comfort zone, but for persevering through the difficult times. Those times when I just really really wanted to quit and make a run for it. I've surprised myself with how strong I actually am.
---
Moving away is never easy. But if you can hold on through the tough times, accept it will be a bit shit every now and then, find all those little positives and hold onto them as tightly as you can, be nice to yourself, try to be open minded, see it as a new chapter in your life (another stop on the road map of life, if you will) and enjoy the damn ride... well, it might just be that much better than you expected. And hey, you might even realise it's one of the better decisions you've made in life.
My first weekend in my new home was one of the toughest things I've experienced in quite a long time, to the extent I couldn't even remember the last time I ever felt that lonely or upset. I suppose somewhat naively, I thought moving away a second time would be so much easier because I had done it all before, and knew that it was possible. I knew that I could do it.
What I didn't expect, was for the experience to challenge me as much as it did.
I didn't realise that actually, even though yes, I had moved to a new city and had done it all before, that was over four years ago, and in the last three years of university I had grown roots and built myself a new home. So in theory, I hadn't gone through all that upheaval in quite a long time, something I didn't even think to give myself credit for. I didn't realise that this time I was leaving not only one home, but two homes, two places I felt so settled and comfortable in. Exchanging them for one I had hardly any connection too, hardly knew anybody, over two hours from home.
I had forgotten how it felt to know nobody. Forgotten how it felt to be lonely. Forgotten how it felt to miss your loved ones so badly it physically hurt. Forgotten how to look after myself. Forgotten why I had even made this crazy, spontaneous decision in the first place. What on earth was I thinking? So many times I shook my head in frustration and confusion as to why I had ever decided to move. Accept the job. Completely turn my life on its head. And I was so distraught, so unhappy, that for a while nobody could even give me an answer to my soul-searching. All they could tell me was to keep my head up and get through it.
---
My university experience had caused me to set my expectations for adult life way too high.
In reality, adult life is not as fabulous, filled or fun as you might expect it to be. And starting again is even harder, because it might not always turn out how you want it to. I'm really not lying when I say how challenging this new chapter has been.
BUT... it's getting better.
Little by little, things are looking up.
I've started to settle into my new home and new job. I'm adapting to my new circumstances, and being on my own a lot more than I'd like, and hey, isn't it funny how we do that? How somehow, even the toughest situation starts to get a little easier, a little better, a little more bearable? That survival instinct kicks in and the love and self-care click into action. I've met some absolutely wonderful, genuinely amazing people who have welcomed me with open arms and given me numerous olive branches whenever I've needed one. People who I feel like I've known forever, and who I get the feeling I somehow needed to meet, yet wouldn't have done if I hadn't had the guts to get up one day and change my life.
A new home, a new town, a new everything, has given me the time, space and distance to start figuring out who I am now, who this new adult Tasha is, and reconnect with myself all over again. Heck, I didn't even realise I'd changed so much in the last six months. And work. Work is challenging at times, and on numerous occasions I've sworn my head is going to explode, but every day I wake up with a purpose, make a difference in some kind of way, talk to some fabulous, generous people and make enough money to buy nice orange juice and cute animal mugs from the supermarket.
Radio and TV, but especially radio, help fill the silences and keep the loneliness at bay. Seeing loved ones is a precious and much appreciated, anticipated and adored treat. Exercise has become the perfect stress buster. Weekends are for living my best life. I can buy nice presents for Christmas (finally). I can go on adventures and explore new parts of the country that I never even knew existed. The tough times were actually something of a blessing in disguise, because they reminded me how important it is to reach out and be honest, and how gloriously lucky I am to have such caring, kind people in my life. And above all that, I am so proud of myself for not only pushing myself out my comfort zone, but for persevering through the difficult times. Those times when I just really really wanted to quit and make a run for it. I've surprised myself with how strong I actually am.
---
Moving away is never easy. But if you can hold on through the tough times, accept it will be a bit shit every now and then, find all those little positives and hold onto them as tightly as you can, be nice to yourself, try to be open minded, see it as a new chapter in your life (another stop on the road map of life, if you will) and enjoy the damn ride... well, it might just be that much better than you expected. And hey, you might even realise it's one of the better decisions you've made in life.
But if not, well that's ok, because that's life. That's adulthood. We're all just trying to figure out where we belong in this big old batty universe. How will we ever become who we're meant to be, if we always stay the same? And as F Scott Fitzgerald once wisely said,
'For what it's worth, it's never too late or too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you've never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. And if not? I hope you have the strength, to start all over again'.
'For what it's worth, it's never too late or too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. Stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you've never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. And if not? I hope you have the strength, to start all over again'.
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