Saying Goodbye to Uni

SAYING GOODBYE TO UNI

Earlier this week, I had my last ever lectures. Next week is my final exam. I move out in a month, and in two months I should, hopefully, graduate. 

My university life, these blissful, wonderful, magical four years, are gradually coming to an end. 

I'd be lying to you if I said I was okay with all of this, because truth is, although I'm excited about what comes next, and what the future holds, I'm also pretty terrified. Even though my heart knows it's time to move on, heck, the idea of doing another lecture, another module, revising for days in the library... ugh, just no... leaving all of this behind isn't easy. Manchester, and university, have been my home and world for the last for years. My life is literally written and embedded into this city. 

And I don't want to say goodbye. 

People I love and care about very much, will still live here. The activities and places that have defined my life will continue to run, start again, carry on, whether I'm there or not. The world, the city, the university... they aren't going to stop. And I get that. But it's just hard to accept that after the next couple of months, there's not really going to be a place for me anymore, maybe not at all.

And along with trying to grapple for acceptance with all this, make my peace, process the fact that they'll be no more lectures, no more Korfball, no more avoiding council tax, no more living in my student home of three years, no more independence, no more seeing friends, housemates, my boyfriend whenever I want to... along with all this, I'm trying to figure out what my next step looks like. Listening to everyone's advice and opinions about what I should do, where I should be. Dealing with people's responses as I tell them I have no idea what happens next. 

It's exhausting. And scary. And sad.

I wish it wasn't happening to me, but it is, and I have to accept that.

Every year thousands upon thousands of people end up in my position and get through it somehow. I just wish I knew how they did it, or that I had a heads up, just to let me know things will be ok. They'll work out. Even though I know a couple of people graduating, they seem to have their lives sorted, and I feel like the only one without a plan. Or perhaps more accurately, I did have a plan, and I have potential plans, but it feels like I can't do what I really want to do because people say it's not the best idea, or because of factors beyond my control. And on top of all that, I have those old doubts which make me question if I'm really ready to graduate and be an independent, self-sufficient, kick-ass professional.

It's all just one big emotional pickle that can be hard to overcome and get to grips with on my own.

But recently, I've found a couple of things that are helping me.

The first, is remembering and being reminded that I'm not alone in all this. For starters, there's so many people in my position, but also, I've got a truly amazing support network of family and friends who always have my back, and who I know will support me whatever I do, lift me up whenever I need that boost. I just need to remember that they're there, and reach out a little more.

The second, is taking a deep breath and forgetting about what comes next. Instead, I'm choosing to really enjoy and celebrate these last few weeks. Say yes to things. Make plans. Spend time with people. End my uni days on a high. I'm giving myself time to rest, time to relax, time to say goodbye, and get in the right head space to focus on my future, so that I can make sure I'm in the best place I can possibly be to begin this next chapter.

The third, is taking back control of my future. So many people are giving me advice and sharing their opinions with me, which I really do appreciate. But I suppose I've got to the point where that's bogged me down a bit, and I lost touch with what I want and what I want to do. I keep forgetting that ultimately, it's my choice. It's my life. And I need to take ownership of it.

The fourth, is remembering that a year really isn't that long. It isn't forever. And looking at my immediate future in that way helps me to feel okay with whatever comes next. It makes me feel calmer and more in control.

The fifth, is trusting in my relationships with people I care about. I've made some amazing, phenomenal friends during uni, and somehow managed to find the most incredible boyfriend too, and part of me is scared of losing them all. But having spoken to people, and having been reminded of how important, special, and wonderful these people are, I trust and I know that everything is going to be ok, and I'm going to make sure that happens.

And the sixth, is pretty simple.

It's focusing on all the positives. All the good things that have happened, and all the amazing things that will happen, and feeling excited about what is yet to come.

The next big old magnificent, mysterious, wondrous adventure...