THE MAGICAL HEALING POWER OF WORDS
Earlier on, I was reading a very heart-felt, moving post by the brilliant and beautiful Zoe LDN, in which she talks about the difficulties she has with comparing herself to others. She addresses how it makes her feel with an admirable and heart-breaking honesty, and I think it's so courageous of Zoe to share something so personal with the world. It made for a very thought-provoking read, and it's the reason why I felt the urge to write this post in particular. As I was reading the post, and the comments as well, what struck me most was the use of words. And I don't know, maybe it's because I'm studying Speech & Language Therapy, and so I've learnt quite a hefty bit about communication over the last few years, and now I instinctively pick up on these things. Or maybe it's because I related to lot of what was written, because I've had similar feelings too. But either way, it was the use of language that struck me the most. It just made me feel so sad.
When we communicate with others, we don't always think much about the words we're using, or the way we arrange or emphasise our words, in order to convey a particular message or perspective. The way we express ourselves, from our voice, to our speech sounds, intonation, vocabulary, grammar, to the way we use our communication, it's all so instinctive and unique to us. And if we pay close enough attention, it can tell an awful lot about us. They act like little clues, which, if spotted and put together, will help you find the key to the soul inside. The person at the heart of it all.
For example, let's consider me and my language. I typically use a generous amount of adjectives (eg. beautiful, wonderful, amazing, brilliant- you've seen them all on this blog, and many more too), because I'm quite enthusiastic, I love how the words sound, and I try to see the positives in the world around me. I also use a lot of adverbs, or intensifiers, (eg. so, really, very), because again, I'm quite enthusiastic and dramatic. I sometimes speak a bit too quiet (volume) because I don't always like being the centre of attention. I also substitute my normal words for fancier versions (eg. 'pacify' instead of 'please') because I like they way they sound, and also because I like the way it makes my speech sound like literature (hello The Great Gatsby).
I can be very sarcastic (use of my language). I use verbs like 'wonder', 'imagine',''feel', because I'm quite an empathetic person, I have a big imagination, and I'm quite sensitive too. Sometimes I try and use northern vowel sounds because I have always loved the northern accent (speech sounds). Sometimes when I speak, I'm not always concise or coherent (just like my thought processes). I ask why a lot, because I'm curious and I want to know more. I say I don't know because often I can't make my mind up about things. And I also use a lot of negative words too, like can't, bad, awful, annoying, worst, don't, and shit. And that's because of my difficulty with self-esteem, confidence, and feeling good enough. So as you can see, the way I communicate says an awful lot about who I am.
Whilst I try to put positivity into the world, and it's reflected in a lot of the language I use and the general way I communicate, a lot of what I say, at least initially, is actually quite negative. And for quite a long time, I didn't realise how negative I could be. You too might be surprised by how negative your language is. Even now, I can be negative towards myself or the world, and I don't realise I'm doing it. It's so automatic. I always remember one time in first year, I was feeling quite down one evening, so I wrote out all the feelings I had and labelled them one by one. What came out, were things like stupid, not good enough, I don't deserve to be loved, pathetic, pointless, lonely, worthless. Then I put it away, cried, watched Hannah Montana The Movie, and went to bed.
When I woke up the next morning, feeling a lot better and chirpier about life, I went back and read what I'd written the night before, and it surprised me how awful my language was. I was so hurt and saddened by what I had written about myself. I couldn't believe that those were the feelings I had, and that this was how I was referring to myself, this was what I believed about myself. It's the same when I look back at the journals I kept throughout my teenage years. I notice the same kind of words, conveying the same kinds of ideas. The negativity screams out at me, and it really does break my heart. And these kinds of words, that negativity, is what I noticed in Zoe's post, and in some of the comments people left. Things like 'ugly', 'waste of space', 'faults', 'hate my reflection', and confirmations of these statements too.
Whether it's a bad day, week, month, year, entering the negative head space often conjures up this kind of language and use of language, and the impact it takes on our souls, emotions and well being, is always the same. And whilst you're stuck in that head space, it's easy to churn it out the negativity by the bucket load. Of course it's natural to convert how you feel inside, into something more concise, like a word. Turn those abstract feelings into something more concrete, something you can express, should you wish to. But when you hear the negativity repeated enough times, whether out loud or in your mind, the problem is you start to believe it, whether consciously or sub-consciously. Sometimes I don't think we realise the power our language can have on our thoughts, and the way we view both the world and ourselves. Language is very emotive and personal, and that's what makes it so powerful.
If I am in negative mode, and my language takes a negative turn, the inner voice that vocalises all my thoughts changes. So if I look at a sky filled with clouds, I think 'grey, rain, wet feet, why don't I wear appropriate footwear, cold, dreary, not again, now I'm going to have to get my brolly out, hate Manchester'. When I get home, I might start complaining to my housemate, and externalising the negative language inside my head. And consequently, my mood changes as a result, and I become more perceptive to other negative things I may encounter. And my housemate's mood might change too. My words might seep into her thought processes, and so the negativity spreads.
On the converse, even if I am feeling a bit negative, if I choose to make my language positive, something else happens. I look at a sky filled with clouds, and I think 'the shape of those clouds is so pretty, it will pass, I love rainy days, oh Manchester, I think I can see some blue on the horizon, there's a blue sky above all these clouds, I can't wait for summer'. My inner voice changes, and because I am choosing to frame my world with positive language, it changes the way I think and feel. And that then changes my actions. So when I go home, I appreciate being warm and dry, and that nice, hot cup of tea. I look at my wet face and frizzy hair and I laugh. I feel like talking and laughing with my housemates. I automatically externalise my positivity. And so the mood spreads.
I think words can be our most powerful and important tools.They really do have the capacity to change you and your life, and in the most simplest of ways too. They are the one form of magic that we all possess. I know that the reason why my confidence, well being, relationships, life, attitude, perspective, way I treat other people, and self-esteem have all improved in the last few years, is because I have learnt how to think and speak positively. Now I'm not saying I manage it all the time. That negative inner voice is a feisty pain in the arse, and I don't think it ever truly goes away. But I really do believe that we can dim it, and we can challenge it, and we can overcome it. And we can will the things we want to happen in our lives. We can encourage positivity, happiness and love into our lives. We just need to know how, and I think language is the answer.
Whether you write down what you want to achieve in a certain amount of time. The dreams you want to pursue. The things you love about yourself and which make you a good person. Whether you tell someone your fears, and someone counteracts it by giving you love in return, and telling you things will be okay. Stick millions of positive quotes on your bedroom walls. Listen to that pick me-up, feel-good song which always sends your mood sky-high. Sing all your favourite songs out loud, and don't worry if people can hear. Call someone and ask them how their day has been, and really listen to the words they say. Tell someone you love and appreciate them.Tell someone else what your favourite thing about them is. Tell the people you care about, just how much they mean to you. Tell your friend that you love their outfit, their make-up, their hair. Pay a complement to a stranger. Talk to the person waiting next to you at the bus stop or the queue. Wish the cashier at the till a nice day. Say thank you to the waiter when they serve your food.
Look at the world around you and notice all the little wonderful things that you might normally overlook. Label them, comment on them. Think in positive adjectives. Think positive things about the people you pass by, and give them the benefit of the doubt. Try see the beauty and positive in every situation (there is always, always a positive), and say it out loud. When you look in the mirror, notice the little things that make you who you are, and tell yourself that you're perfect, that you're good enough, that you're beautiful. Thank your body for working so bloody hard to keep you alive. Put the CD on in your mind that says: 'you can', 'you will', 'it's okay', 'it will be okay', 'I'm almost there', 'try again', 'keep going', 'this will make me stronger', 'give it time'. If someone keeps spouting negativity and sending it your way, turn their words into positives, and if that still doesn't work, remember that whilst words are powerful, we are more powerful still, and we can simply choose not to let words hurt us.
And finally, one of the best, and most healing things I've found works, is this: telling yourself I love you. Somehow, that is always enough.
Earlier on, I was reading a very heart-felt, moving post by the brilliant and beautiful Zoe LDN, in which she talks about the difficulties she has with comparing herself to others. She addresses how it makes her feel with an admirable and heart-breaking honesty, and I think it's so courageous of Zoe to share something so personal with the world. It made for a very thought-provoking read, and it's the reason why I felt the urge to write this post in particular. As I was reading the post, and the comments as well, what struck me most was the use of words. And I don't know, maybe it's because I'm studying Speech & Language Therapy, and so I've learnt quite a hefty bit about communication over the last few years, and now I instinctively pick up on these things. Or maybe it's because I related to lot of what was written, because I've had similar feelings too. But either way, it was the use of language that struck me the most. It just made me feel so sad.
When we communicate with others, we don't always think much about the words we're using, or the way we arrange or emphasise our words, in order to convey a particular message or perspective. The way we express ourselves, from our voice, to our speech sounds, intonation, vocabulary, grammar, to the way we use our communication, it's all so instinctive and unique to us. And if we pay close enough attention, it can tell an awful lot about us. They act like little clues, which, if spotted and put together, will help you find the key to the soul inside. The person at the heart of it all.
For example, let's consider me and my language. I typically use a generous amount of adjectives (eg. beautiful, wonderful, amazing, brilliant- you've seen them all on this blog, and many more too), because I'm quite enthusiastic, I love how the words sound, and I try to see the positives in the world around me. I also use a lot of adverbs, or intensifiers, (eg. so, really, very), because again, I'm quite enthusiastic and dramatic. I sometimes speak a bit too quiet (volume) because I don't always like being the centre of attention. I also substitute my normal words for fancier versions (eg. 'pacify' instead of 'please') because I like they way they sound, and also because I like the way it makes my speech sound like literature (hello The Great Gatsby).
I can be very sarcastic (use of my language). I use verbs like 'wonder', 'imagine',''feel', because I'm quite an empathetic person, I have a big imagination, and I'm quite sensitive too. Sometimes I try and use northern vowel sounds because I have always loved the northern accent (speech sounds). Sometimes when I speak, I'm not always concise or coherent (just like my thought processes). I ask why a lot, because I'm curious and I want to know more. I say I don't know because often I can't make my mind up about things. And I also use a lot of negative words too, like can't, bad, awful, annoying, worst, don't, and shit. And that's because of my difficulty with self-esteem, confidence, and feeling good enough. So as you can see, the way I communicate says an awful lot about who I am.
Whilst I try to put positivity into the world, and it's reflected in a lot of the language I use and the general way I communicate, a lot of what I say, at least initially, is actually quite negative. And for quite a long time, I didn't realise how negative I could be. You too might be surprised by how negative your language is. Even now, I can be negative towards myself or the world, and I don't realise I'm doing it. It's so automatic. I always remember one time in first year, I was feeling quite down one evening, so I wrote out all the feelings I had and labelled them one by one. What came out, were things like stupid, not good enough, I don't deserve to be loved, pathetic, pointless, lonely, worthless. Then I put it away, cried, watched Hannah Montana The Movie, and went to bed.
When I woke up the next morning, feeling a lot better and chirpier about life, I went back and read what I'd written the night before, and it surprised me how awful my language was. I was so hurt and saddened by what I had written about myself. I couldn't believe that those were the feelings I had, and that this was how I was referring to myself, this was what I believed about myself. It's the same when I look back at the journals I kept throughout my teenage years. I notice the same kind of words, conveying the same kinds of ideas. The negativity screams out at me, and it really does break my heart. And these kinds of words, that negativity, is what I noticed in Zoe's post, and in some of the comments people left. Things like 'ugly', 'waste of space', 'faults', 'hate my reflection', and confirmations of these statements too.
Whether it's a bad day, week, month, year, entering the negative head space often conjures up this kind of language and use of language, and the impact it takes on our souls, emotions and well being, is always the same. And whilst you're stuck in that head space, it's easy to churn it out the negativity by the bucket load. Of course it's natural to convert how you feel inside, into something more concise, like a word. Turn those abstract feelings into something more concrete, something you can express, should you wish to. But when you hear the negativity repeated enough times, whether out loud or in your mind, the problem is you start to believe it, whether consciously or sub-consciously. Sometimes I don't think we realise the power our language can have on our thoughts, and the way we view both the world and ourselves. Language is very emotive and personal, and that's what makes it so powerful.
If I am in negative mode, and my language takes a negative turn, the inner voice that vocalises all my thoughts changes. So if I look at a sky filled with clouds, I think 'grey, rain, wet feet, why don't I wear appropriate footwear, cold, dreary, not again, now I'm going to have to get my brolly out, hate Manchester'. When I get home, I might start complaining to my housemate, and externalising the negative language inside my head. And consequently, my mood changes as a result, and I become more perceptive to other negative things I may encounter. And my housemate's mood might change too. My words might seep into her thought processes, and so the negativity spreads.
On the converse, even if I am feeling a bit negative, if I choose to make my language positive, something else happens. I look at a sky filled with clouds, and I think 'the shape of those clouds is so pretty, it will pass, I love rainy days, oh Manchester, I think I can see some blue on the horizon, there's a blue sky above all these clouds, I can't wait for summer'. My inner voice changes, and because I am choosing to frame my world with positive language, it changes the way I think and feel. And that then changes my actions. So when I go home, I appreciate being warm and dry, and that nice, hot cup of tea. I look at my wet face and frizzy hair and I laugh. I feel like talking and laughing with my housemates. I automatically externalise my positivity. And so the mood spreads.
I think words can be our most powerful and important tools.They really do have the capacity to change you and your life, and in the most simplest of ways too. They are the one form of magic that we all possess. I know that the reason why my confidence, well being, relationships, life, attitude, perspective, way I treat other people, and self-esteem have all improved in the last few years, is because I have learnt how to think and speak positively. Now I'm not saying I manage it all the time. That negative inner voice is a feisty pain in the arse, and I don't think it ever truly goes away. But I really do believe that we can dim it, and we can challenge it, and we can overcome it. And we can will the things we want to happen in our lives. We can encourage positivity, happiness and love into our lives. We just need to know how, and I think language is the answer.
Whether you write down what you want to achieve in a certain amount of time. The dreams you want to pursue. The things you love about yourself and which make you a good person. Whether you tell someone your fears, and someone counteracts it by giving you love in return, and telling you things will be okay. Stick millions of positive quotes on your bedroom walls. Listen to that pick me-up, feel-good song which always sends your mood sky-high. Sing all your favourite songs out loud, and don't worry if people can hear. Call someone and ask them how their day has been, and really listen to the words they say. Tell someone you love and appreciate them.Tell someone else what your favourite thing about them is. Tell the people you care about, just how much they mean to you. Tell your friend that you love their outfit, their make-up, their hair. Pay a complement to a stranger. Talk to the person waiting next to you at the bus stop or the queue. Wish the cashier at the till a nice day. Say thank you to the waiter when they serve your food.
Look at the world around you and notice all the little wonderful things that you might normally overlook. Label them, comment on them. Think in positive adjectives. Think positive things about the people you pass by, and give them the benefit of the doubt. Try see the beauty and positive in every situation (there is always, always a positive), and say it out loud. When you look in the mirror, notice the little things that make you who you are, and tell yourself that you're perfect, that you're good enough, that you're beautiful. Thank your body for working so bloody hard to keep you alive. Put the CD on in your mind that says: 'you can', 'you will', 'it's okay', 'it will be okay', 'I'm almost there', 'try again', 'keep going', 'this will make me stronger', 'give it time'. If someone keeps spouting negativity and sending it your way, turn their words into positives, and if that still doesn't work, remember that whilst words are powerful, we are more powerful still, and we can simply choose not to let words hurt us.
And finally, one of the best, and most healing things I've found works, is this: telling yourself I love you. Somehow, that is always enough.
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